Remembering the forgotten
by AgentStrange
Summary: The joys and difficulties of rediscovery
1. So it begins

**Disclaimer:** If I owned alias this would have already happened. But I don't  
**Set**: About 2 months after the season 3 finale  
**Shippy**: Syd/Vaughn

* * *

Chapter one: So It begins

Sydney randomly banged and clattered her way through her kitchen as she unpacked her first proper grocery shop in over 8 months. Since her return she picked odd bits and pieces she needed as and when they were required- her life, never in any reliable or consistent pattern, provided obstacles for the normal everyday chores, the dullness of which she desperately she craved. Syd had also stopped off at the mall for the first time without Francie, the tiny sense of closure she felt made her smile momentarily, but she missed her more than ever. On the way back from her small shopping spree, she visited her dearest friend's grave for the first time.

_Sydney walked across the grassy fields, beautifully littered with bouquets of flowers resting near modest grey headstones. She carefully scanned the perfectly carved letters scrawled across stone monuments until she found what she had been looking for._

Francine. D. Calfo  
Beloved daughter, sister and friend  
Taken away from us at her most glorious  
01.01.75-1.26.03

She quietly gasped, her body turning cold, her spine heavy with guilt, her body itching with anger. Sydney sat, without tears admiring the spot chosen by Fran's family. The large emerald field was alive with the happy smile of those remembered with great fondness. She wanted to say something, but she realised now wasn't the time; this alone had a been a great step in gaining closure for Francie's death, but the pain of a wound re-opened still stung in the deeper regions of her soul. Sydney's brow knitted as she spotted a bunch of daises placed humbly behind the headstone. They had no card or letter, no label or over-glorified sentiment, but were tied neatly towards the base by some rustic string. The bow was even and the loops gathering the flowers, tidy. Whoever had left them, probably Francine's mother, she mused, had taken care with this token of affection and she smiled knowing Francie was still as cherished as ever. However, the daisies were fresh, not tinted with the brownish hue of death the other bouquets she had passed were showing. They, unlike the others, were untouched by the morning dew, their creamy white colour shining playfully in the early sun of the day. Francie's mom had obviously only been here hours before. Syd smiled again, stiffly rising from the damp ground. Her jeans now uncomfortable with the moisture green carpet did not bother her. She left quietly leaving behind some Lilies, a silent reminder of her presence. 

Sydney, now finished unpacking trudged into her room, her body weary with fatigue and longing. The soft bed called to her, but she had other things on her mind now, images and thoughts that greedily occupied her busy mind, pushing thoughts of sleep to the back of her conscious .

Sydney smiled as she stepped into her bathroom turning on the shower. She left her arm underneath the warm water letting her fingers toy with its unusual texture. Within seconds her clothes were discarded on the floor, the door of the shower slammed shut. She bathed herself leisurely making a special effort to use the vanilla scented body cream she knew he loved. She smiled coyly as she remembered __

...he kissed her stomach playfully, the feel of his lips and tongue against her bare skin making her gasp. "Vaughn..." she moaned. He smiled against her body "whatever you're wearing Syd, never stop...its your scent. Every time I-" he hummed gently "... this aroma...Vanilla- its yours now... every time I sense vanilla... I'll think about this. I'll think about making love to you...I'll remember how it feels to be inside you..."

Sydney turned the tap off, stepping out of the shower with a blush saturating her cheeks. Before now she would have chastised her self for thinking such thoughts, or worse, cried knowing she would have to face him at work not long after. But it was different now; it was like it was when all they had was the warehouse and unspoken promises. It was different now.

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"So why don't you just go over there man? Just tell her you love her and that you want her to be your wife and you want to have lots and lots of sex and babies"

"Because is more sensitive than that! Its more sensitive- it's more special"

"Jesus Mike sometimes I swear you're a woman" Vaughn punched his best friend in the arm

"Ow! Ok, well maybe not ALL woman... though saying that buddy, I think Syd could to take you"

"I know...so you think I should go over there"

"I don't know man, I mean she's waited 3 years for you, and you are both crazily in love with each other, you've kissed and pretty much told her you loved her more than your wife more times than I care to remember, you've risked you're lives for each other, and your like best friends...so, no, I don't think you should. There's nothing there man. No spark...it would never work... lost cause"

"Uh-huh that's cute... maybe I shouldn't"

"Mike! Are you crazy! You two are freakin' miserable without each other, and who had to listen to you two depressed crazy people whine and cry about each other! Me! It's been two months man. I think you've given her enough space"

"Did Syd cry over me?"

"Mike..." Eric hesitantly warned

"Answer the question Eric. I'll never get over how much I hurt her"

"Ok," Eric said shifting in his seat to face his friend "You loved Sydney and she loved you... you were crazy in love and if you don't mind me saying, to a lesser extent, lust. You guys finally the chance you deserve and you together bring down SD-6"

"Well actually Sydn-"

"Mike!" he shouted, "Eric is wearing the speaking hat now. Eric. Not Mike"

"Yeah but-"

"Dude! Seriously!" Vaughn sat back in his seat immediately silenced as if a chastised child " You and Sydney TOGETHER brought down SD-6. Without each other you would be dead many times over. You were very much her strength, and will all honesty, I think she was yours too." His best friend nodded softly in agreement "Right." Eric sighed ready to continue happy that his friend was quiet. "You were then making with all the happy and sex and the in loveness, I've never seen you so happy, and even though you looked it with the evil troll bitch of doom, I knew you were wishing it was her." They both remembered  
_  
"She's not Sydney man! She never will be! Syd is gone and marrying Lauren is not gonna make up for that"_

"You said that I should move on! That that was what she would have wanted! I lover her so much you now that but I- I love Lauren... I- I love her more"

"Bullshit! You will NEVER love her more than Sydney. You know that, I know that, I'm pretty sure Lauren knows that! It hasn't even been a year and your already getting married! I mean, you can't even say her name yet! Its always I loved HER, SHE'S dead, that's what SHE would have wanted. Its never SYDNEY'S dead or I miss SYDNEY. Always she. Always her."

"What are you talking about!" Vaughn shouted back

"You flinch every time I say her name! Look! Sydney! Sydney! Syd-" Vaughn slammed his best friend against the wall

"STOP SAYING HER FUCKING NAME!" he roared "Stop it just stop it!" the familiar tears gathered in the corners of Vaughn's eyes; he let go of his best friend's shirt and moved to the other side of the room. He faced the wall, resting his head against its cool surface, his fist clenched and resting above his head. "I miss her man, I miss her so much, and I cant- I cant live alone anymore, I need to be with someone who fills the silence, someone else around me, someone to talk to. But that's only one reason as to why I'm marrying Lauren - because I can't stand to be alone when all I want is Sydney..." He stubbornly wiped his face with the back of his hand

"Look Eric I know you're trying to help but if I wanted a chronological list of my screw-ups I would have asked"

"Mike! Who-is-wearing-the-speaking-hat?"

"Bu-"

"Vaughn!"

"Eric. Not Mike" Vaughn answeredbegrudgingly

"Thank you. Now where was I?"

"Evil troll bitch of doom"

"Ah yes. Anyhoo, much to mine and your mother's dismay, if I remember correctly, you married weirdo posh psycho bitch and lived in fake happy ever after land. Now is that correct?"

"Mom refused to come to the wedding when I was, as she put it 'so blatantly not over Sydney', yeah"

"And, were you not, still in love with Sydney when you said 'I do'?" Michael nodded hesitantly. "And, are you not still in love with Sydney to this very day?" another shy nod "Mmhmm its as I thought" Eric mused allowed pretending to me a physiatrist. "You have the most extreme case of Sydnetitus I have ever seen." Much to Eric's joy Vaughn laughed "Sydnetitus is contracted by all who meet the beautiful vivacious miss Sydney Bristow. She causes her victims all to fall hopelessly in love with her, her charm has proved hypnotic and perilous and her laugh infectious. I'm so sorry to tell you this Mike, but its terminal." He shook his head sadly

"I always knew she's be the death of me" Michael smiled

"Look Vaughn, being serious for a second, you will never find anyone as perfect as Sydney, and she will never find anyone as perfect as you, and yes, you've hurt her, but that's part of living. Pain is everywhere- you know that. She's cried over you, and you've cried over her. I'm sure she's forgiven you and if she hasn't she will. She needs this as much as you do. Not taking this opportunity would be the worst thing to her you have ever done. You've promised yourselves this and you both deserve it. You've been given a second chance Mike. Don't waste it. Please. Jesus, now who's turning into a woman"

"Thanks man" he enveloped his friend into a hug

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Sydney sat in her pyjama bottoms and a pink camisole eating a tub of Ben 'n' Jerry's- a little luxury she had allowed herself whilst shopping for food. Her hair was tied haphazardly, half-pulled through a hair tie; she wore a pair or black-rimmed sixties-style glasses, which she adored but didn't need. She had worn them during a mission and was yet to return them to the people whose job it was to dress her for her aliases.

The doorbell rang; she ambled over to the door not even bothering to check through the peephole before opening it.

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Vaughn bobbed on his heels nervously. He had gone home to change and shower even though he was temporarily living at Eric's. The house he had shared with is not so beloved ex was now devoid of any personal belongs, all of which were in storage or being used as evidence, but the furniture remained as he and Lauren had only rented the property. This was first decided upon before they were married, empty promises of a family allowing them to look elsewhere without the hassle of selling up. He had also gone back there to gain space from Eric, he need to prepare for what he was about to do in a solitude he was all too familiar with.

He rang the doorbell and waited anxiously for it to open.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sydney stood with the spoon for her ice-cream fest hanging from her mouth, the tub of the slightly naughty substance in her left hand. She blushed at both of their appearances, as she was still clad in her pyjamas. He wore a simple grey t-shirt under a blue v-neck sweater she had never seen before. She enjoyed seeing him in non-work clothes, something she hadn't experienced since her return. His jeans were slightly faded and casual, and she knew he was completely oblivious to the way they flattered his physique. She blushed further after deliberating how his ass looked in them. As usual, and to her liking, his hair was unintentionally tussled, his eyes once again alive with colour but dark with an emotion she couldn't place. She could sense his subtle aftershave mingled with something pure and familiar. She hadn't seen him in over a month and in her mind there had been parts of him she couldn't remember and she missed him terribly. The shock of seeing him combined with his rugged appearance was exciting and made her feel frivolous, filling her with a warmth she hadn't felt since the night of her disappearance. They way he looked made her lustful igniting reactions she had forgotten existed. She bit her lip.

"Hey" he smiled

"Hi" she returned

Vaughn stood unable to breathe. As she'd opened the door he'd nearly dropped the flowers he'd been holding behind his back- she looked so achingly beautiful his brain had managed to lose the ability to perform any function other than studying her. She wore clothes he hadn't seen her in for over three years, bringing back memories of relaxed and mischievous times. Her her hair was messy and natural- the way he liked it, and the glasses, now sitting comfortably on her nose made her look adorably dorky. Her striking figure made his eyes darken with hunger and the the silk-like texture of her skin complemented by the tight top she wore. The white bottoms she wore hid her legs, the artistic pink flowered pattern, caused his eyes to follow their weaving path up her body. He imagined her toned thighs and remembered how it felt to have them wrapped around him. He detected the scent of vanilla, its presence nearly sending him over the edge; he couldn't help but smile._'Say something!'_ he commanded himself _'anything!'_

"Hey" Genius.  



	2. Daisies and doorbells

_**Thanks to those who reviewed...if your still reading please review, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to read it so far. Hope It's alright!dani xxx**_

Vaughn ran his hand through his hair nervously still assessing the beauty of the woman before him. There was a pregnant silence. She smiled at his shyness.

"How have you been?" she almost whispered, the same gentle smile still painting her lips

"I've been ok" he replied, a hint optimism playing in his voice, "What about you?" She shrugged softly

"Same" Vaughn nodded in affirmation allowing his eye line to fall slightly; he had lied to her. He'd been miserable the past few months; he'd missed her an unbelievable amount feeling as if she had died all over again. His overwhelming fear of hurting her caused all rational thought to dissipate. "Oh, I brought you..." he coyly presented her with the bunch of flowers "...some, er, I thought you might like them... I didn't know, uh I wasn't sure if-" he stopped mumbling noting the distress etched into Sydney's face. His half out-stretched arm lowered slightly. "Syd, what...?"

"You brought me daisies?" she whispered incredulously, her eyes beginning to sting

"I- yes. I...I'm sorry" he let his hand fall, the bouquet now hanging limply by his side. "...Sorry" he whispered almost inaudibly turning to go. She laughed gently wiping away her stubborn fallen tears with the back of her hand.

"Vaughn wait" she grabbed his elbow standing facing his shoulder "It's just- it was you wasn't it? Who left the flowers for Francie?" he nodded slowly his anxiousness biting away at him "Why?" she whispered searching his face for an answer. Vaughn stepped away, his back still facing her. Sydney let go of his arm allowing him to talk without feeling pressured or claustrophobic.

"Can we sit?" he asked indicating the doorstep with the string bound bloom.

"Sure". Vaughn sighed gathering courage for what he was about to divulge to her. He hadn't told anyone this.

"When you died, I had nothing, you were...everything- everything I knew, wanted to know. There was no one I could talk to- to truly tell how I felt, I always lied: said I was fine when I wasn't. You were the only person I could open up to, and you were gone. I never met Francie, the real Francie, the friend you loved and used to tell me about so often. I knew how much she meant to you and she therefore meant something to me, even back in our handler-asset days. I told you once that when you were gone, I was a mess; all I'd do was drink and sleep, drink and sleep. It was a vicious cycle that I didn't even want to get out of. I just didn't bother turning up to work, until one day I went in and cleared my desk and just walked out. I didn't hand in a resignation form, I didn't give any explanation, but I don't think they needed one.

"You had no gravestone, no burial sight, just that stupid wall of stars I had for my father. I went to the warehouse a couple of times but I couldn't handle it, it wasn't right- knowing what I'd lost, re-experiencing the feelings I had for you every time we stood there. The dust, the damp, even those stupid ugly crates, I couldn't understand it but each one brought back memories, things I wasn't ready to handle.

"After I sobered up, I remembered how in the blur of it all Will, before he was taken away, said something about Francie's funeral. I searched the Internet for any obituaries under the name of a Francine Calfo, and I found where she was buried. I went there, and it was like I was at home with you, and her and Will and it- it brought the colour back, you know? I felt comfortable and safe and even though I knew you were both gone, I felt like for the first time, I could be open, to someone else, and myself. While I was there no one was gonna tell me some crap I didn't need to hear to try and make me feel better, things that I knew they were just spewing out because they didn't know what else to say.

"I went there every day and talked to her as if she was there. As I hadn't really met the Francie you adored, and there was no judging voice, just the memory of an objective friend of a friend who I'd never had the privilege of meeting, but dearly loved. It was also a way of feeling as if you were there too, but I didn't feel obsessive or desperate. Gradually as time drifted by, the frequency of my visits became less and less, but I made it a habit, every week, even up until now, I took her flowers and spoke to her. No one knew. No one. Well" he laughed gently "Until now."

Sydney wept soundlessly. She cried for Francie, a friend she was never allowed to mourn. She cried for Will, the man whose life she had destroyed. And she cried for Vaughn, a beautiful, caring man who displayed a courage that she nor any person she'd known possessed. She hated herself for falling apart without him when he lived two years in her absence believing her to be dead. And she hated herself for leaving him behind in her two missing years.

She lovingly took the flowers from his hand, breathing in their soft aroma, their fragrance interlacing with his scent harmoniously. She closed her eyes remembering the gentle caring eyes of her lost friend, understanding how he had linked Francie with such a friendly and gentle blossom. She placed the bouquet in her lap and leant in to tenderly kiss his cheek. She felt the boyish texture of his stubble on the tender flesh of her lips, his familiar taste clinging to her senses. Their eyes were closed as her lips lingered momentarily. She pulled away slowly and rested her forehead against his temple; her silent thank you causing his body to shiver. Their breathing was now deep and quiet. Sydney and Vaughn sat still for sometime, the subtle fragrance of the wild garden daisies, mingling happily with vanilla and the innocent scent of forgiveness.

And as the warm evening breeze caressed the contented couple, a gentle whisper escaped him.

"I miss you"


	3. Neighbours

_Disclaimer same as before- pretty sure i dont own alias..._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing please continue to do both!! love dani xxx_

Sydney felt a familiar flicker in her stomach. Her brow was knitted, her eyelids closed in fear of him and the daisies not really existing. Her fear was crushed when she felt him exhale against her, it was a sensation she'd grown so used to in the short period of time they were together, that now all she noted was its absence. She knew she didn't need to tell him she missed him; her actions over the past year must have been a bit of a give away, but regardless of that she decided he would have known anyway. She also knew they had to talk, about everything, but they weren't ready for that yet. They couldn't just pick up where they left off, they had many things to work through and she shivered with trepidation for the tears she knew they would shed. She became aware of the silence filling the air between them. She heard a cricket clicking somewhere in the garden and the distant hiss of traffic.

"My ice-cream's melted," she whispered causing him to laugh loudly; it wasn't the sort of shallow sound accompanied by the half-hearted lop-sided smile she was used to- the kind she had become accustomed to over the past eleven months; no, this was a deep joyful laugh, one which filled her with an overwhelming need giggle herself. However, being the super-spy, as Eric had called her once, she kept a straight face. "I'm not kidding Vaughn you owe me. That was like four bucks" Sydney sat back against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyebrow was raised at his bemused expression. He sat up straight crossing his arms like he had many times in the rotunda, a habit he had she had once noticed when he was concentrating or trying to be all serious. He shrugged as he began to speak.

"Well, Miss Bristow, I just don't know what to say to you. Would you like me to show you my caring face?" his expression fell into one of extreme melancholy. It was now her turn to laugh loudly

"You're terrible" she giggled "Well, I try" he sighed dramatically. The sat facing each other against their respective side of the door. Their knees were touching, bumping into each other as they laughed

"Want to go to dinner with me?" he asked, his eyes down

"Yeah" she applied instantly, her voice shy but certain. They exchanged a brief smile and then following his lead, stood "Hey I never asked-" she bent to pick up the carton off the floor "Where you staying at the moment?" she peered at him dusting off his jeans, deciding her assumptions about his ass were right

"Eric's" she smiled at the thought of their friend

"Right next door" she said

"Right next door. You doing anything tomorrow?" she shook her head "The King's are in town, I thought- I don't know I thought you might like to"

"That would be perfect"

He sighed with a smile and began to walk away.

"Hey" she called after him; he turned around "what happened to my fancy dinner"

"I'll buy you a pretzel. How bout that?" she pressed her tongue to the inside of her cheek a smile appearing much to his delight. She couldn't believe his nerve but secretly loved his teasing.

"Night Vaughn"

"Night Syd"

Sydney closed her door unable make the small grin disappear. She placed the carton on the table by the door unaware of the way it bled back into to its original shape. She walked straight to her bedroom in an attempt to make tomorrow come quicker; still clutching the daisies, she softly padded into her bathroom grabbing the vase on her dresser. The flowers in it were beginning to lose their colour and the water was turning stale. With great care she tipped the greyish liquid down the sink placing the flowers in the bin at her feet. Sydney looked at them standing proudly within their glass walls, their petals shining in the muted bathroom light. She looked at her reflection confound by the mirror before her; her cheeks were flushed and rosy, her eyes alive and shining. She brushed her teeth gently her eyes unfocused, her mind in other places. Minutes later she slipped between her sheets her thoughts wandering towards Eric's house where she knew Vaughn was probably sleeping. She imagined his slender, muscular body and tanned skin. She remembered what it felt like to run her hands down his toned back. She pushed the impure thoughts to the far reaches of her mind just clinging on to the feeling of what it felt like to be close to him again.

Sydney fell asleep.

Sixty feet away Vaughn lay awake toying with the two tickets to the Kings game. He still laughed at the thought of the CIA having season tickets, but he arranged to have them weeks ago. He knew if he never managed to pluck up the courage to talk to her he would have taken Eric, however that would have proven painful due to Eric's inability to leave a joke alone. He was petrified, but the memories of warm chocolate eyes made him smile.

Vaughn fell asleep.


	4. Desk Job

Thanks _so_ much to **Daisyduke 947, Total Vaughn Lover, Fair Cate, Supergirl 14, I Would Have Waited, Vaughn Bear, anma 27, Vaughn is hot** (lol yer), **Boyscoutswoman, Vaughn4ever **and** Suzanne** for their generous and lovely reviews. Thank you all so much. Please keep reading and letting me know what you think! I send you cake and hugs...enjoy! -Dani xxx 

Vaughn woke with a start. Every day for the past few weeks Eric had programmed his alarm clock to play some of the most irritating tunes known to man. He was sure his friend had enlisted Marshall as an accomplice as he hid the now blaring device in a different place everyday, yet it still managed to change itself. Today's treat: The Village People

"ERIC!" Vaughn roared. "Eric! Get in here! Now" He frantically bashed at the small grey object the inane tune was screaming out of, blistering his ears

"You called, muffin?"

"Turn-this-off"

"I'm sorry now what dear?" Eric asked, his head jutting forwards. He mockingly put his hand to his ear in an attempt to hear what Michael was saying. His composure faulted slightly however when a pillow smashed into the side of his head. Vaughn started laughing as undeterred, his best friend starting doing unfamiliar arm movements in time to the music. Much to Vaughn's distress he began to sing "It's fun to sayhay that Vaughn loves Sydney, oh yeah its fun to say that you love Sydney-he... you'll have lots of babies and a granddaddy Jack, 'n uncle Eric will- HEY!" Vaughn had slammed the door in his face unable to stifle his laughter anymore.

"Well that's just rude!" his friend shouted over the racket. Weiss smiled triumphantly. Mike didn't realise it, but that was his way of trying to cheer his buddy up. After Syd died he had felt so useless; there was nothing he could say or do to mend his dear broken friend- Vaughn was inconsolable, becoming unrecognisable, no longer the man he was. Since Lauren's death, all he saw in Mike's eyes was fear of hurting Syd; something he knew would consume him if he kept dwelling on how he's done her wrong, how he'd made the wrong choice. The familiar shadows of anguish were returning and he had realised Vaughn's guilt had been slowly devouring him over the past year.

The sardonic form of musical torture was finally over as the last aching notes screeched from Michael's alarm clock.

"Vaughn we need to be ready to leave at eight." He waited for a reply. Silence "Mike?" he tentatively asked

"Ya?" Vaughn's head poked round the door. There was a small, hesitant pause.

"It's good to have you back man"

After weeks and weeks of debriefing on the whole Lauren situation, Sydney was actually glad to have a stack of paper work to get through. The three of them had been assigned to desk duty for the next month of so, being told the likelihood of them being required in the field was limited. They had all smiled at that. She now sat idly, her left shoulder blade digging into the back of her chair as she tapped her pencil on the surface of her desk.

The cherished sound of her two best friends bantering about nonsense diffused through the rotunda, and she looked forward to teasing Eric about the fact he was always heard before he was seen. Her face glowed as she spotted Vaughn wander happily into their marble-floored circular office. His crisp grey suit stood out amongst the morose tone of the men and women around him, their work attire making them seem forever in mourning. He clapped his friend on the shoulder signalling the end of their conversation and his momentary departure from the rotunda. His back was facing her; he didn't see her as he left the busy floor.

She went back to doodling on her pad of paper, lazy thoughts tumbling from her head. The swirling silver patterns formed no particular shape or image, but she found their creation oddly satisfying. She was startled to hear a friendly voice behind her.

"Muffin?"

"Eric! Jesus!" she clutched her chest as if manually trying to slow the uncontrollable palpitations.

"You know for a spy you're not very stealthy," he said kneeling down so he was her level

"Thanks" she smiled placing the muffin on her desk, "I was miles away"

"Anything I can help with? You know I'm a good listener, plus I always have time for my favourite girl"

"Aw thanks Weiss. But for the first time in a long while, I can truthfully say I'm fine" she smiled an honest smile at him. He nodded once in affirmation and walked around her desk to his own.

"Hey Eric?"

"Hmm"

"What kinda muffin is this?

"Blueberry" she scrunched her nose

"Why do you boys do this to me"

"Because Eric always has a plan. Right bud?" Vaughn's smooth voice coolly interjected. He stood behind the pair his arms crossed

"Sure is," he said leaning over to grab the muffin. Sydney snatched it before he could reach it, placing it on the far side of her desk.

"Hey"

"This muffin was a present for me, and I was always taught it's impolite to take back a gift. So, this moist, sugary, yummy goodness will stay here on my desk with me for the rest of the day"

"Mean!" Eric whined

"What are you five?" Vaughn joked taking a sip of coffee now seated across from them. Neither of them had noticed him move

"Hey excuse me? Where is my one of those?" Weiss chimed, his finger dancing accusingly at Vaughn's coffee. He nodded towards Eric's desk where his very own decaf sat

"Ah see now that's stealthy" Eric stated only to have a ball of paper thrown at him by Syd

Vaughn hadn't spoken to her all morning, well, except for his lame muffin statement he mused. Every time he looked at her it was more exhilarating- at every glimpse she seemed more beautiful and at each glance he was closer to being caught. He was nervous about their date becoming even more anxious when he noticed her cool exterior. Was she as excited as he was? Was she even excited? Was it ok that he was calling it a date? Could he kiss her? Did she want to be kissed? Was it a mistake to ask her? Should he tell her Eric had stolen her muffin? An idea crept into his mind

Sydney's fingers were beginning to ache from all the typing she had done. She abandoned the files she was working on, discarding them on the floor. One single beige folder sat to the left of her keyboard slothfully, staring up at her with blank eyes. She dropped it the other side of her chair swivelling around to pick up another from her neat stack of 'to do' folders. She peered coyly at Vaughn all his words seeping back into her subconscious. Did he mean what he said? What was their date going to be like? Was it ok that she called it a date? Was he going to kiss her? Did he want to kiss her? Where was her muffin?

She searched the pair for any sign of guilt. Vaughn's fingers were busily typing as his eyes casually flitted from paper to screen. He looked so natural and oblivious to her look that she almost felt guilty for suspecting him. Her eyes skipped around the rotunda until

"Eric!"

"What?!" came a muffled response, his mouth full of muffin

"You ate my muffin"

"We both know you were only going to use it as some sort of warped pen holder" she gasped at his audacity and laughed. Vaughn didn't look up but was smiling at the interaction between the two. He's missed this.

A small box on Sydney's screen began flashing

_'You have received a message from M. Vaughn. Accept?'_

Sydney did not permit herself to look at him. She played it cool keeping her eye line steady and dragging out her response. Finally she clicked 'yes' with her mouse, quickly returning to flick through a few sheets of paper.

**M Vaughn:** If it makes you feel any better, I'll buy you another muffin later.

She raised her eyebrow trying not to show any reaction. She stole a glance of him, his nonchalant attitude making her stomach flutter; he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He was good at this. She casually typed her response.

**S. Bristow**: What about my pretzel?  
**M Vaughn:** All well can't be greedy now can we? I'm on a tight budget of four bucks  
**S Bristow:** Cheapskate  
**M Vaughn:** Blueberry hater  
**S Bristow:** Just for that I hope the Kings lose  
**M Vaughn:** I hope the Zamboni breaks down

She didn't need to type her response- he heard it. Her giggle made his soul soar and his heart skip as he tried to wrestle a smile from his lips.

**M Vaughn:** You doing anything tomorrow evening?  
**S Bristow:** Yes actually  
**M Vaughn:** Oh really?

She could practically taste his scepticism

**S Bristow:** Yeah well there's Adam at seven and then I'm seeing Ryan at eight. Oh and then of course there's Tom and Andrew- I'm seeing them together at nine...so I could slot you in at eleven if you like  
**M** **Vaughn:** That's cute  
**S Bristow:** Well, I try  
**M Vaughn:** So I've heard  
**S Bristow:** You should know

Touché. The pair stopped for a second as they were handed files from Dixon's assistant.

**M Vaughn:** You want to go to dinner with me?  
**S Bristow:** Yes  
**M Vaughn:** I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight?  
**S Bristow:** Isn't it custom to actually have the first date before arranging the second?  
**M Vaughn:** Well what can I say? I'm a rebel  
**S Bristow:** Yeah and I'm Swedish  
**M Vaughn:** Ouch  
**S Bristow:** Bite me  
**M Vaughn:** Pleasure

Their eyes met. Her tongue moved to the side of her cheek enjoying their playful banter

**S Bristow:** I have to go- I get off at twelve  
**M Vaughn:** That is not fair  
**S Bristow:** What you gonna do bout it  
**M Vaughn:** Right, no pretzel  
**S Bristow:** If I could stick my tongue out at you I would... in fact-

He looked over at her and laughed as he saw he tongue flick out of her mouth in an act of retaliation. Being barely two metres away they could have easily have spoken to each other, but something about this was thrilling; it was secretive and flirtatious, allowing them so say things they wouldn't usually. There was also something mischievous and defiant about it.

**M Vaughn:** See you at seven?  
**S Bristow:** Of course  
**M Vaughn:** Perfect. Bye Syd x  
**S Bristow:** Bye Vaughn x

They didn't make eye contact after that. He flicked through pieces of paper, moistening his lips slightly with the tip of his tongue. She quickly turned off her computer and began to walk away, her body humming. It took all the strength she possessed not to skip out like some frenzied child. His eyes followed her out dark with anticipation and adoration. He couldn't believe after everything he'd done to her, all the malicious things he'd said, she still was the same compassionate adorable Sydney he'd fallen in love with nearly five years ago. It was she only who possessed his heart, his whole heart, a heart he never did, never could, and never would give away. He looked down at his watch anxiously, which Eric had managed to switch to countdown mode. There were only five hours, fifty-five minutes and forty-seven seconds until his and Sydney Bristow's first proper date would begin.

thanks for reading please review! -Dani xxx


	5. I spy

_Ok ::takes deep breathe:: thank you so so so so so so so SO much for all your reviews. They have honestly been some of the nicest things EVER and I'm more grateful that I could ever explain! Thank you thank you thank you!!! Enjoy the next instalment my impatient little bunnies! Please keep reading and review if you can! -dani xxx_

The hardest decision of Sydney Bristow's life was in the process of being deliberated. She was in complete emotional turmoil, her forehead scrunched, her teeth biting into the tender flesh of her bottom lip. It was times of such mental anguish she missed Francie the most.  
"What should I wear Fran?" she thought aloud. She missed her friend very much, feeling as if another member of her family had slipped out of her reach. Each day she cursed herself, the thought of being responsible for Francie's murder clawing at her insides.

Syd threw random garments into a messy circle on the floor. She stood in its centre her hands resting lightly on her hips. She closed her eyes and span around, the childish action making her laugh at herself. She stopped abruptly opening her eyes staring at the top her finger was pointing at. "Ugh no" she said disgusted by her accidental choice. She nonchalantly hurled the blouse across the room watching it slither down the wall lying lifeless and unloved on the floor. Sydney sighed loudly; this was hopeless.

Vaughn chewed on his lip anxiously as he ambled through the door of Eric's home. He loosened his tie with his left hand, tossing the keys on the table with the other. Vaughn ran his fingers through his hair walking into his current bedroom he shut the door behind him and headed for the bathroom attached. Reaching into the large shower leaning across to applying gentle pressure to the lever. A shout could be heard as the warm water rained down on his back, soaking his shirt.

He stood up straight after recoiling so quickly from the hissing cubicle. His arms outstretched, Vaughn looked down at his dripping shirt shaking his head at his own stupidity. In one swift movement he removed the navy tie pulling it over his head, starting work on the small white buttons of his.

Sydney has chosen her outfit. Finally satisfied with her choice she headed for the shower undressing as she went. Her small trail of clothing stopped however, her skills allowing her to distinguish something in the corner of her eye. She stopped dead in her tracks, facing the door of the bathroom. Her head cautiously turned to her bedroom window directly adjacent to Weiss's. The room, usually dark due to vacancy now had an occupant, one that made her heart beat faster then any assignment ever had. The sight before her made her blush and she begin to shiver.

Vaughn removed his shirt, his body gently contorting to the constricts of the material. It slid of his shoulders: his smooth skin glowing gently in the dusk light. He threw it towards a wicker basket in the corner of the room, the caramel woven material creaking unappreciatively.

She nearly moaned as his muscles flexed as he began to remove his shirt; its stylish thin blue stripes caused her eyes to wander over familiar paths when they were in the office, so this, this was achingly arousing. She felt she was watching something she shouldn't, a forbidden pleasure, a sight she hadn't seen in three long pulsating years. His tanned muscular chest was sculpted perfectly, his figure never becoming overly shaped. He was slender and tanned, and the charcoaled pattern was defined clearly on his curved shoulder. She was not close enough to see it, but she searched for the scar she knew she'd carved into his body, one of many she was sure she'd caused. She didn't see the pinkish slither of silver she was used to seeing embedded deeply into her stomach every time she had a shower.

Not wanting to be greedy, with much reluctance she dragged her eyes away form his handsome contours. She stepped into the bathroom removing the remainder of her work clothes allowing the scolding water to pound into the shower floor for a few seconds. She stepped into the glass cube a closed the door.

Ten minutes later Vaughn ambled out of his bathroom, a fluffy white towel wrapped around his waist. He had considered the sheer size of the shower and concluded it must have been built for the use of more than one person at a time. Mischievous thoughts flooded his mind and he chastised himself silently. This reprimand was crushed however when he noticed an image he had yearned for everyday for five long years. Sydney stood a towel wrapped loosely round her wet figure where she held it close to her chest. The material draped lavishly across the curve of her back; he smiled adoring way she always managed to implicate but never illustrate. He had always admired her class, leaving everything to the imagination, her natural beauty causing no need excessive makeup or provocative clothing. She was the epitome of sophistication; of course back in their handler-asset days he used to spend hours deliberating whether the accidental hint of thigh was really unintentional as she sat up on the crates opposite him.

With much pain he dragged himself away from the window, her back still to him. He made a future note: always-close-blind-when-Sydney-is-home. He didn't trust himself in the slightest.

She was ready. She was actually, finally ready for their date. After hours of careful consideration for the perfect _'I just threw this on but I'm still looking forward to going on a date with Vaughn'_ outfit, she distractedly applied some gloss to her supple lips.

The doorbell rang

_Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You were all sooo looking forward to them going on the date weren't you? Mwah ha ha...well I'm not that cruel cos I love you all too much. Thanks for reading so far! Enjoy the next chapter hope its ok _


	6. First Date

_Disclaimer same  
Please read and review_

_K guys here goes..._

Sydney literally ran towards the door, stopping herself to take the final steps as calmly as possible. It was if she assumed that somehow he could see through the door and was watching her with some bemused expression. She opened the door coyly coming face-to-face with the most beautiful man she would ever see. Vaughn wore what Sydney had immediately nicknamed his 'ass enhancing jeans' and a black v-neck sweater. His attire was similar of that worn by him the previous night, immediately making the date seem more casual and her feel more relaxed. She was still nervous of course, but now it was a relished anxiety, moths tickling her stomach and flushing her cheeks a tinted pink. He had his hands resting in the pockets of his jeans and smiled at her warmly. She looked down shyly unable to hold his gaze, not trusting her ability to restrain herself.

Vaughn bit his lip as he saw her appear from behind the sturdy oak door. His breath hitched slightly at the way the most simplest of outfits could flatter her the most. The clothes she wore reminded him of their lazy weekends together where they'd go to the park or to the pier- nothing fancy, just comfortable yet unashamedly romantic, despite their normality. He smiled as he noticed her coyness, finding her naivety of her beauty irresistible, and her knowledge of everything but the power she held over him astounding. He was so close to letting the words fall out his mouth; he felt them trickling from his brain and up from his heart but fought the urge with all his inner strength. Instead, he compromised and went for the next best thing, something he'd been burning to tell her for the longest time

"You look beautiful," he whispered. She exhaled a smile looking down at her khakis and fitted white tank top unbelieving. She didn't agree, her modesty never failing her. She cocked her head to the side, her way of denying something he had once noticed. His adulation caused her to lose the ability to create coherent thought.

"I- I, it's" Vaughn anticipated what was coming next

"Syd, you always look beautiful," he whispered tucking her soft hair behind her ear. She looked into green and ran her tongue along her lip momentarily. She quickly bit it, knowing if she lost her composure now they would never see any hockey. He leaned over placing a chaste kiss on her cheek as she had the evening before. She turned her head just so slightly towards the sensation. Their mouths were nearly touching- she could almost taste him, his mouth so near to hers. He saw her bite down on her lip, hard. Their eyes connected

"I need to get my jacket" she stated coolly not moving. They were only a matter of millimetres away still, but undeterred he replied.

"And ten bucks if you want to eat something other than just a pretzel"

"Always the gentleman"

"Always the feisty swollen-mouthed red-head"

"Bite Me"

"Pleasure"

She raised an eyebrow impressed at his ability to stay cool under the pressure she was sure they were both feeling. She couldn't stand being this close without his touch. She turned back into the house grabbing the fashionably faded jean jacket hanging by the door. She closed the door behind her slipping the key into her pocket.

"What no money?" he teased

"Would you shut up?"

The car ride consisted of similar flirtatious and childish banter. He had managed to obtain a copy of Marshall's C.D, or, as it was scribbled on the front 'the ultimate compilation of music Sydney has missed over her two year death (which had been crossed out) disappearance'. Vaughn flicked through them disregarding them as he went. He mostly only played the opening notes before skipping to the next track

"This one's terrible. Ugh waste of time. Oh this ones all right...actually no, its rubbish too."

"Vaughn! Seriously. Are you gonna let me listen to any of them?" there was silence for a couple of seconds

"This one really sucks"

"Vaughn!"

"I'm sorry!" he said half shout, half laugh.

"Why do you hate them all so much?" she giggled. For a second, just a second he deliberated telling her the truth; that no music was worth listening to in her absence, because now, each brought back a new memory of his time without her. He settled for a lop-sided shrug.

They parked the car a couple of blocks away from the arena near a friendly looking bar. Much to Sydney's delight he gently took her hand as they walked the short distance to the small saloon. It wasn't for long but it took all the courage he had. She weaved her fingers into his enjoying the feel of his skin against hers. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, her stomach fluttering once more.

The bar was a typical guy bar, but she instantly loved it. It was the sort of place that had retro posters and neon signs up on the walls with t.v screens showing hockey and football- everywhere there was laughter and the sounds of friendship. Secluded in the corner sat a pool table next to a jukebox. A group of young men stood playing pool sharing a pitcher of beer, refilling their glasses every so often. Sydney turned around at the sound of a loud hospitable voice.

"Mike!"

"Gary! How you doing man! Its great to see you!"

"Thanks man its good to see you too- and if you don't mind me saying you look a damn sight better than the last time you were in here" Sydney wondered what the cheerful man meant, but dismissed it when he felt Vaughn place his arm around her waist resting just above her hip. The man was now behind the bar, which was surprisingly empty for a game night. He picked up a cloth and began to clean some glasses.

"Gary, this is Sydney" Vaughn stated

"Please to meet you," she said shaking his hand

"It's a pleasure to meet you too Sydn- wait. Sydney? THE Sydney? Sydney Bristow Sydney?"

"Uh" Vaughn started

"Oh my God" Gary whispered

"Gary please. Syd I-"

"I knew in our profession they dead never die, but- "

"What?" Sydney asked quietly looking at Vaughn for an answer

"Gary's ex-CIA. He knows all about you, and us, and your ...death"

"Do I ever. Mike came in here every night drinking away his sorrows after you died. He'd tell us stories of you -of your missions. He would talk about you for hours. I see he wasn't lying about how beautiful you are either" Sydney blushed and gave a half smile. She turned to Vaughn who was shifting uncomfortably, his eyes keep on shifting from place to place never settling on her. They seemed pained. Sydney took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She couldn't believe he spoken about her to other people, that he missed her so much. Gary, not understanding the turmoil his friend was in, continued.

"Yeah. He'd sit here every night with Jack-"

"Daniel's" Vaughn interjected "With a Jack Daniel's." Sydney eyed him sceptically, but her thought was too outrageous so she dismissed it

"Hey" he said in a whispered to Sydney squeezing her hand again "we should get going"

"Sure" she smiled at him

"Bye Gary" Vaughn said leaning over the bar to shake his friend's hand. Gary held on to his arm with his other hand as he shook it

"You take care Mike. And don't leave it two years before you're in here again." Vaughn smiled, "It was a real honour to meet you Sydney. You take care of our Micheal." She blushed

"I will Gary. It was lovely to meet you too" she waved

They left the bar hand in hand. When outside she confronted him; his back was to her

"Vaughn. What was that about?" he sat down on the bench. He didn't respond. "Micheal?" she said softly sitting down beside him

"That was one of many places I'd go to try and...forget you. I thought if I drunk enough I'd begin to forget what you looked like, what your voice sounded like, how it felt to be around you. That all the memories would somehow go away." He shook his head. Sydney sat facing him, her hand on his arm, listening silently. He lifted his hand to her cheek caressing her cheekbone with his thumb "God I was so lonely without you" he whispered. His studied her beauty: her lips, her hair, her sad eyes. She was so close to crying. "Oh Syd" he said quietly, "please don't cry, not over me, not anymore. I can't handle hurting you again. Please baby...Sydney?" his voice cracked as he spoke, pleading with her.

"Oh Vaughn" she cried, enveloping him into a hug. He pulled his arms around her pressing her close to him. She pulled away taking his face in her hands

"Vaughn, please stop blaming yourself. I don't understand why-why you feel this way. None of its your fault"

"Its not yours either" he replied in an equally exasperated tone. She studied him for a second; leaning in she pressed a kiss to his mouth- he responded gently. The kiss ended sweetly and they rested their heads together. It wasn't like their kiss in SD-6 or Korea, but it was similar to the unspoken promises and thankyous they shared on the doorstep and in the night when they were together.

"We better get to that game" he said gently, optimism in his voice once more

"Yeah" she affirmed softly "We should"

Ten Minutes later Vaughn a Sydney sat laughing at the mascot who had just fallen over on the ice.

"I don't know why you're laughing Bristow. He was a hell of a sight more graceful than you."

"I beg your pardon! I fell once, and it was very elegant I'll have you know"

"Uh I think you'll find you fell twice and both times you landed on your ass nearly bringing me down on top of you"

"Ah, so that's why you remember"

"Harsh" They smiled at each other "Hey wait here." He said pressing a kiss close to her temple. She followed him with her eyes but got distracted by a group of overweight topless men who each had a letters of the Kings spelt out on their chests. Well, actually who they were actually there to support were 'The Kigs' as clearly, one of them was missing. She smiled at a young boy who walked by her waving a flag above his head wildly.

"Ah I see the good old Kig supporters are back," Vaughn said from behind her making her jump.

"Stop doing that!" she said hitting his arm

"You know, Eric's right, for a spy, you really aren't very stealthy. Or graceful on the ice come to think of it"

"Oh just because you can skate like some prissy dancer" she joked wondering if he'd remember, "I bet you'd look cute in Lycra"

"Ah no, you see the real question is whether you're wearing the red or the black" he said looking casually at the other side of the rink. He didn't see her cocked eyebrow. He tried not to smile and bit into a hotdog.

"Excuse me?" she said nodding at his hotdog, beer and nachos.

"May I help you?" he asked innocently

"What about me?"

"Oh. Right" he said fumbling around "Ah. Here we are" he said producing a single miniature pretzel the size of a coin "Now, better watch that, it has to last you a whole evening" he turned back to face the rink taking a sip of beer. He cautiously turned to look at her but her head was faced away from him. He was beginning to get worried when he gained no response from her. He put down his food and placed his arm on her shoulder

"Syd?"

She quickly grabbed his hotdog and beer taking a bite and a sip. She laughed at his shocked expression.

"Men are too easy" she said shaking her head and taking another bite

"That was a low blow Bristow" she cocked her eyebrow at him. This time he saw it.

By now it was half time. The food had gone, including the mini pretzel, which had been hurled at the plastic wall of the rink in a fit of Bristow rage, and the Kings were losing. The half naked men were now supporters of the Kig, as one had fallen asleep on the floor. Sydney had stood up and cheered every time the Zamboni had scooted past them, attracting odd looks only to be returned by Vaughn who sat there calmly as if her doing this was one of the most natural things in the world. Once he had actually stood and cheered with her telling it to "move its shiny ass along faster"

She was quiet now, content to be seated with his arm wrapped around her. He was watching her and was gently playing with the tips of her hair. She looked at him earning a smile.

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"Being you," he said barely above a whisper, allowing their noses to touch gently

He kissed so softly she would barely know he was there. His hand now rested on her cheek as it had on the bench as their kiss deepened. Just as the strength of their tender kiss was building a loud whooping noise emanated from the crowd. Sydney and Vaughn broke away to discover their image was on the screen in the middle of the large arena. They blushed and Sydney buried her head in his shoulder. She could feel Vaughn laughing and stopped suppressing her own.

"Well that was embarrassing" Sydney quipped after the noise had died down

"It could have been worse" Vaughn stated, "Weiss could have seen it- then we would never live it down" she laughed in agreement. There was a slight pause

"Ooh! Ooh! Zamboni!"

Several hours later they walked up the path giggling about nothing of great importance. She fumbled around in the pockets of her jeans for the key; when she retrieved it she gave him a quick glance and turned to face the door. She twisted the key in the lock but it was stiff and wouldn't turn properly. He couldn't handle it anymore. Vaughn span her around and kissed her deeply; he pushed her up against the frame causing her to moan into him. The intensity caused her to grab the front of his t-shirt pulling him closer to her Similarly, his handed travelled to the small of her back pressing her into him. Her back was arched, her shoulder blades pressing into the smooth sanded wood of the doorframe, their bodies leaning into each other as the kiss became more zealous. Their tongues clashed and caressed; the kiss was tidy and gentle but contradictorily passionate- almost dark, the love and lust they held for each other culminating in this blissful release. The spark and tension they were used to playing with in the warehouse toyed with them mercilessly over the evening, and now, a thousand memories of their making love returned with each breath, each grasp, each gentle caress. His touch made her body hum its familiar tune, a song only he could hear, a song that was only for him. He groaned, her slender fingers grazing his back as it travelled up his body. She tugged at his hair becoming hungrier for him.

He fumbled with the key in the lock turning it half-heartedly, distracted. The door fell open and they clambered through it elegantly. They slammed the door shut behind them

_hope it was ok and you enjoyed it! Please read and review thank you all so much so far! don't know if i can get a chapter out for saturday and/or sunday but i'll try...kinda exhasted now... xxx_


	7. Behind closed doors

Thankyou very veryVERY muchto ::takes very deep breath:: **Daisyduke 947, Total Vaughn Lover, Fair Cate, Supergirl 14, I Would Have Waited, Vaughn Bear, anma 27, Vaughn is hot, Boyscoutswoman, Vaughn4ever, Suzanne, Tine, Aly, Mrs Michael Vartan, Mila, Maggieann452, Catherine, Agentbristows and Kyyrra **for their amazingly lovely and really really kind reviews. Thanks so much to you wonderful people and **all those reading**. I hope you like this chapter,I intend for this fic to be quitea long one, so please stick around and thanks so so much for reading (and reviewing) so far- dani xxx

She groaned as his tongue duelled with hers gently. She still tugged as his sweater as he pressed her into him, one hand on the small of her back the other, resting on her hip. Sydney let him remove her jacket, taking it from him in a fumbled exchange, throwing it aside.

They half fell down as he stepped back, not expecting any stairs, she steadied him however, and with little grace they ended up in her living room. A low dark moan growled from his throat, an almost animalistic sound she felt reverberate through her body.

Their kisses and soft caresses continued, his soft, velvet tongue tentatively toying with hers,remindingher of the fact he was anextremely loving and playful lover. There was great tenderness in their actions, with the undeniable hint of a mischievous hunger. They began to speak softly to each other as they kissed, their deep fast breathing informing the other of their lust.

"Nice place" he whispered into her as he pressed her up against the wall, his hand now resting against the hard surfacebeside her head, steadying them.

"Thanks" she moaned against him, slowly undoing the buckle of his belt. Her shoulder blades were pressed firmly against the wall, her hips compressed against his. Sydney's hand remained at his chest where it was clutching desperately at his clothes; they were at an angle against the cool glazed surface of the wall, the only things in contact with the enamel shell, Vaughn's hand and the top of Sydney's back.

Their lips had began to swell with the gentle vigour of their actions, softly teasing each other with their satin texture. Their mouths crushed against each other tenderly, and she hummed into him one more as with the pad of his thumb he gently stroked the exposed skin of her back, slowly caressing, delicately torturing her with his caring touch.

Sydney ran her hand up the subtle curve of his torso after seeing it only hours before from her window. She placed her warm hands against the sides of his faintly stubbled face. Their lips separated for the first time, her taste still toying with his senses on the soft texture of his tongue.

"Mmm" she groaned once more as began to nip at her neck, the soft bites blending and interlacing with his warm kisses. Her arms had wrapped around his neck as his mouth left hers, but now she was growing impatient with his teasing, longing for him. Her desires however were silenced as he began kissing her again, always aware of exactly how she needed his touch. She smiled against him, their bodies singing the same lustful mantra.

"No" she said quietly, pushing him away from her, a small suggestion of exasperation and sadness in her voice. He didn't seem surprised or upset by her actions; he licked his bottom lip, biting it as he looked to the floor.

"I- I'm sorry Syd" he whispered shaking his head softly. He looked at her through morose green eyes. Sydney leant against the wall, running a hand through her slightly dishevelled hair.

"It's just-"

"I know" he interrupted. He pause for a second, "Me too." He spoke in a tone she never heard of him before, one of extreme anguish but also adoration. He continued, "We have to take this slow. I want to do this right. I want to take you to dinner and tell you how beautiful you look, t- todance with you. I want make love to you all night, in a bed," he statedgesturing around them quickly with his hand,"I want to whisper your name in the way only you can make me" Sydney stifled a moan, tilting her head back to rest it against the wall. She tried to make the happy sting of his touch dissipate, to force the memory of his kiss and his taste from her mind. He was several paces away from her, his breathing, like hers, still heavy.

She took three quick steps to him as she had amidst the rubble of SD-6, letting him take her waist as she went to kiss him. His voice had been uneven, thick with emotion and yearning for her, but his message clear. She had never experienced a moment so compelling, so poignant, so- romantic. She began to cry against him, feeling the warm tears from his jade eyes tentatively fall against her. Their kiss was deep and innocent, not teasing or playful, just honest and tender, the forgotten amorous nature of their relationship seeping through their bodies. He picked her up gently and she expertly wrapped her legs around his waist. Their kiss never broke as he quietly carried her into her room; this time they didn't trip or stumble or groan at their mischievous teasing. They had remembered the meaning of making love, re-experiencing all they had felt so long ago. The sensations of each other's touch were now heightened, each gentle touch cherished, each loving whisper causing them to shiver pleasantly, every kiss refreshing their souls.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sydney shivered pleasantly at the familiar touch. She smiled, opening her eyes cautiously, wary of the sting of the early morning light. She turned her head towards him, her back remaining curved against the soft mattress.

"Morning" he half rasped, his voice, like him still sleepy. Her smile deepened, shy dimples appearing. His smile was gentle as he studied her face, carefully stroking her with his gaze. He was lying on his stomach, the cotton sheet resting across the dip of his spine; his fingers whispered across her stomach agonisingly slowly just above where the sheet lay. Her arm was bent up in the gap between them, her fingertips gently dancing against his stubbled chin. There was a sense of Ying and Yang to them, the pair completely harmonised with each other, yet complete opposites. She lay neatly on her back, her hand to his face as he, on his stomach was resting his fingers seductively just above the teasing hem of the sheet. Their legs were entwined, tangled in the whiteness of the sheet.

He'd been studying her for hours, only noticing the periodic shifts in light as they changed colour against her skin. He watching each fall and rise of her body as she slept, an almost undetectable smile gracing her lips. His hand had rested against the warmth of her body since before he had woken; for a long while she had laced her hand with his, only to remove it to rub her irritated nose, letting her hand fall back beside her head against the cool of her pillow. He'd almost laughed at this, the child-like action making her practically irresistible: not that she wasn't already he had thought. He could now without guilt or upset remembering how it felt to bearound her, to touch her,to be inside her, how she tasted. How she reacted to her touch; the way she moaned and called out his name into his ear as his fingers roamed. He could feel the changing reactions of her body to his movements, and how it felt to have her breathe, hot and ragged against his ear. He bit his lip once more, trying to suppress the growing desire he had every second he observed her

Neither, he noted, had shown any signs of surprise or confusion when they first opened their eyes, seeing only each other. For the last three years, the very second their heavy eyelids opened, this was what they saw. Just for a second, every desperate morning all he could see was Sydney- even inthe moments he tried not to. It used to make his entire body sting, now he glowed. No, what was truly confusing for the pair was the sleepy figure before them not being there, a sight both had automatically grown to expect since their first night making love. Them not being there was what was surprisingly frightening. Not this, this was just right, how the morning was supposed to look. This was perfection.

Their eyes had not parted and neither of their placid smiles had faltered. He finally spoke once more, this time it barely a sigh above a silence

"I love you"

She let his words drench her. Her smile fell for a second allowing the small words to have their impact on her.Her smile returnedas she crawled to him, his hand falling to her side as she lay on top of him; his skin was hot and smooth. Their firm stomachs were touching, her breasts pressing gently to his chest. They were separated only by the flimsy material of the sheet as she grazed her nose oh-so-softly against his. Their lips were barely apart when she whispered her response

"I love you" he smiled at her words, his aprehension quickly disintegrating.

Their kiss was dark and smooth, their heavy breathing returning. Their open lips teased each other, tongues flicking and teeth biting. He rolled her onto her back, the sheet separating them melting away under their heat; he could feel she was more than ready for him. He held her upper waist, his hands gently clasping around her ribs as left hot kisses against the centre of her chest and down her stomach. She moaned his name and the glorious cycle began again.

_Phew. k hope i chose the right rating...i have a really cool idea for later, but it will probably have to be an R to be safe... please ;et me know what you think...thanks for reading hope it was ok. please review!! xx_


	8. Vanilla kisses and sweet goodbyes

_IMPORTANT NOTICE: You may have noticed this fic has changed rating to an R; this is not because what I'm gonna write is going to be overly explicit, but because, as Fair Cate agreed, I was beginning to over-step the boundaries of a PG-13. I think it was restricting me slightly in what I wanted to write and where I wanted the characters and the story to go. Sorry if you're not happy with the change, but I felt its better to be safe than sorry and I think it may even help and improve the fic! Thanks to my new reviewers, and all my regulars! Thanks for reading guys! Much love- dani xxx_

_Just for the record in this fic Jack's the same mean good guy he always was_

_Ooo!! P.S any people from the UK, Alias season 4 is on Bravo in April- yay!_

It was with great lethargy and extreme reluctance the two lovers untangled themselves from each other an hour or so later. She had almost groaned her frustrated evident, missing his warmth and touch as soon as he absconded the bed. She raised her knees, crushing them slightly against his chest watching him dress, his back to her. She rested her eyes on his figure, gracefully picking up their clothes, which lazily littered the room. He had slipped his jeans over his naked self and was now looking for his t-shirt. He turned to face her, his mouth opening, about to speak. He was silenced before he began however as the white garment landed on his head with a gentle sigh. He removed it after remaining still for a few seconds, almost laughing but stopped when he saw her. Sydney sat, head now resting on her knees, showing the purest smile ever to grace her features. He sighed a laugh smiling in the way he had when she woke. He quickly placed the t-shirt over his head, pulling it down his chest as he walked towards her slowly. He bent down to her, capturing her supple rosé lips in a gentle but passionate kiss. He placed his caring hands against the warmth of her cheeks, being careful not to place too much pressure. He pulled away slowly only to softly press two more whispered kisses. As he pulled away from her she ran her hand through his tussled hair lovingly. Her hand rested against his stubbled cheek, brushing her thumb against his cheekbones. Her hand fell as he kissed her once more; Vaughn took her hand, kissing her palm tenderly. Sydney placed her blushing hand against the stubbled warmth of his cheek, gently brushing her thumb against his cheekbones.

"I love you" he spoke, barely above a whisper

"I love you" she smiled. They kissed once more and he left silently soon after, almost unable to rip himself from her.

Sydney sat leaning against her headboard, the bed sheet lying casually just bellow her bellybutton. She hated his leaving, the departure making her entire body ache, screaming out for him. She blushed at the memories of the previous night, making an enjoyable shiver ripple through her body. She gathered the sheet off the bed, enveloping herself its cool liquid texture. She could sense his scent and the musk of his aftershave. She detected her own vanilla fragrance closing her eyes momentarily at the recollection of his words.

_He trailed warm kisses down her stomach, feeling her arch against him. He smiled looking up at her_

_"You're wearing it, aren't you?" she exhaled a groan, his actions and words combing in a glorious concoction of arousal and adoration_

_"I might be," she moaned. His mouth travelled to her inner thigh just above her knee, lazily tracing a delicate pattern._

_"I know you are," he breathed against her heated flesh, moving up towards her hipbone "tell me who you're wearing it for" he gently sighed, his mouth now trailing along the side of her waist._

_"I-" she exhaled "its- I"_

_He lay on top of her kissing her tenderly "tell me" he demanded softly, his hands trailing down her body. She moaned at his touch and he continued to kiss her. He moved his mouth to her ear whispering one more time, continuing to torture her. "Tell me" He kissed her once more; she bit down on his lip hard._

_"You Michael. You. It's always been you," she almost gasped. He smiled at his small victory, deepening their kiss, enjoying the fact she had secretly took pleasure in his being in control._

Sydney stepped into her en-suite looking at her reflection. She shook her head humorously at her image, her hair messy, her cheeks, glowing and blushed, her eyes, unrecognisable. Why was that? She asked herself quietly. Every day for the past year, and probably through her two-year absence she looked in the mirror and saw a grey, saddened stranger. She at first felt pity for the woman before her, only to realise she was studying herself. Now, there was colour held in the glass frame before her: the rose blush of her cheeks, the warm chocolate of her eyes, the glow of gold in her hair.

Sydney turned to turn on the shower once more, the familiar hiss making her sleepy. She gasped as she caught her image in the mirror not sure whether to laugh or be angry. Vaughn had placed a hickie on the tender flesh of her neck, one that she was sure would be in full view of everyone and completely deliberate. Her eyes scrunched in a humoured anger, and she exhaled an angry sigh. On the one had she was ecstatic that the mischievous side of Michael Vaughn she fell in love with all those years ago had finally made a long-awaited appearance; on the other hand however, he was going to pay. Michael Vaughn was going down.

He'd been there half an hour before she'd arrived. He sat leaning back in his chair starching his arms high above his head; he didn't see her enter the rotunda as he crossed his arms behind his head. He let the chair swing from side to side slightly and began to work on yet another field report. He felt her approach the left side of his desk on route to hers.

"Morning Agent Bristow" his said plainly, looking up at her for a second in a seemingly professional manner. He lowered his head, returning back to his report

"Agent Vaughn" she said coolly, a slight nod of the head in acknowledgement. She sat down at her desk prodding at the small rubber button on the screen, turning it on. It purred at her as she gathered papers out of desk drawer flicking the lamp switch, illuminating her workspace. She quickly typed in her password in response to the small flash of colour from the neat plasma screen, and continued looking for a pen. She heard a clang on her desk at looked up to see a pen rolling towards her. Still bend towards the floor on her chair, her eyes flickered to Vaughn who seemed deeply engrossed in his field report; she raised her eyebrow sceptically. She knew it was him who had thrown it, but both of them were getting a kick out of this nonchalant oblivious attitude both had adopted towards each other. She sat up in her chair and let her feminine and attractive writing fall from the nib of her pen onto her pad of paper. Soon there was another familiar flicker of colour on her screen

_You have received a message from M Vaughn. Accept?_

She looked up at him sighing; her tongue went to the inside her cheek trying to hide her bemused expression. Her head tilted slightly. There was a gentle click from the mouse

**M Vaughn**: So I scored with this chick last night

She laughed. Refusing to raise her eyes she put on her best 'I'm so bored with this' lookas she typed her response

**S Bristow:** Go away please I am very busy and important  
**S** **Bristow:** But just so you know, so did I  
**M Vaughn:** You scored with a hot chick too? Jesus. Just so you know, I'd pay to see that

Her tongue returned to its familiar position against her cheek as she shook her head at him, eyes firmly glued to the screen

**S Bristow:** Observe my raised eyebrow Micheal  
**M Vaughn:** Ooh. Use of first name- excuse me... just going to crawl under desk  
**S Bristow:** Bite me  
**M Vaughn:** Yes, I noticed you liked that

He looked up at her; she sat writing with the pen he had flung at her desk. She was deliberately ignoring him, a part of him liked it, the other part however felt anxious - was she mad? He gradually got him self more worked up watching the cursor flicker on his screen. He licked and bit his bottom lip frowning slightly with worry. He stopped the familiar pressure however when it began to sting, the tender flesh still sore from her bite. He decided the pain was worth it. He typed once more

**M Vaughn**: Oh by the way  
**S Bristow**: What?  
**M Vaughn**: If using your vanilla body lotion in the shower this morning was an attempt to turn me on at work it didn't work  
**S Bristow**: Oh really?  
**M Vaughn**: Yep  
**S Bristow**: then why have you loosened your tie and licked your lip six times  
**M Vaughn**: Because it hurts  
**S Bristow**: Aw poor baby  
**M Vaughn**: Bite me Bristow  
**S Bristow:** Pleasure

Now he raised his eyebrow. She was unsuccessfully stifling a smile. He was about to type a response when he heard him

"Agent Vaughn" he nervously hid their conversation with the document he was typing

"Jack. What can I do for you?" he swallowed

"I need to speak to you and my daughter" he replied. "If its not too much trouble of course, I hope you're not too busy," he added dryly. He looked to Sydney who rolled her eyes. She hadn't seen him since Wittenberg; she had flown there the night of Lauren's death only to be greeted by an empty vault. Her father had gone with her, worried about the reliability of Lauren's claim. They had argued about Vaughn, Jack still contesting he was a boy who didn't deserve her. Sydney had gotten angry and walked away- she hadn't seen him since.

They rose and followed Jack across the rotunda to his desk where Dixon calmly stood; Jack picked up two folders and turned to face them. Vaughn, as usual had crossed his arms, nervously shifting from side-to side. He was frowning slightly, his professional expression returning. Sydney on the other hand was still slightly annoyed with her father; her hands rested impatiently on her hips, waiting for his words.

"Dad what is this about?"

"Dixon and I have been discussing the status of your field activity over the past year, and it is our belief that both of you should have your clearance downgraded for the next two months" they began to protest

"Dad this is ridiculous- I'm not five-"

"Jack, you've got to be kidding me-"

"The two of you" the older man said, raising his voice, silencing the pair "have had more physical and emotional trauma since Sydney's return than most agents have in their entire active duty. This is not a suggestion: it's an order. If either of you are seen so much as holding a gun in the next eight weeks-"

"What we're grounded?" Sydney retorted

"Something like that." Jack replied cooly "We just need you to sign these," he said handing them the folders

"Jack this is ridiculous" Vaughn stated angrily. Dixon who remained silent throughout the entire transaction finally spoke

"Agent Vaughn listen to me. With the covenant so weak after the events of the past few months, we need to strategically plan each move with the most precise scrutiny. The slightest slip-up could provedisastrous- it will take us at least two months to decide our next plan of action, and as soon as we figure things out, you both will be notified and reinstated. You are two of our best and most experienced agents and we need you in the best possible condition at this time. The only reason we have allowed you to be here at all, is to ensure you are kept in the loop and aware of any arrising dangers. This decision is final, but is not a punishment; from now on you will only be working half days- we will notify you as to your hours." His tone became friendlier, the Dixon they used to know emerging from his directorial position. "I think you both need some time to work things through as it is." He smiled at the pair. Jack handed them the files and with a quick glance to each other they signed the papers.

"Thank you" Dixon said. He turned to leave. "You'll thank me later" he said cheerfully, his back to them. He disappeared round the corner

The three exchanged glances, the mood considerably lighter than before

"Sydney. What I said in Wittenberg-"

"Dad its fine, really-"

"No, let me finish. I was wrong and I'm sorry. I guess deep down, how ever muchI try to see otherwise, you'll always be my little girl." She leant into him for a hug, burying herself in his shoulder. Jack closed his eyes for a second, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Vaughn. He knew Jack would always believe him to be devoid of a spine, and never good enough for his daughter, and that would probably never change- Jack Bristow would always first and foremost be Sydney's daddy.

The father and daughter separated looking to Vaughn who was frowning heavily at Sydney. They threw him questioning glances

"Something the matter Agent Vaughn?"

"What's that?" he said seriously, an element of concern in his voice. He was looking towards Sydney

"What?" she questioned

"That" he pointed to an angry red mark on her neck, the corners of his mouth almost twitching into a smirk. It was right then that she could have murdered him, literally beaten him to death right there on the rotunda floor. Her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned, unbelieving of his nerve. Jack still had a look of subtle concern etched into his face, the hickie out of his view.

"What is it Sydney? Are you all right? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine dad" she smiled placing a hand on his arm

"You know" Vaughn continued, "to me, and this is my humble opinion, it looks a bit like a-"

"Bruise" Sydney practically shouted, her eyes locked with Vaughn's. He was going down. "It's just a bruise. I'm fine" she tried to ignore his small sadistic smile "Anyway, I'd better go- I have a stack of work to get through. I'll see you later Dad" and with that she left, marching towards her desk. Vaughn smiled after her; he was going to pay for that. He turned back to Jack who had been watching him through grey and thoughtful eyes

"Agent Vaughn" Jack said causing the younger man's smile to fade. He paused for a second"Look after her"

"Yes sir," he said sincerely "I will" Jack turned to leave; Vaughn could have sworn he saw him smile "You're beginning to like me again" Vaughn said, unsure of his words. Jack turned to face him

"Who said I liked you in the first place?" he smiled at Agent Bristow's response, watching him walk away.

Hebegan to walktowards his desk, frowning when he couldn't see Sydney. He prayed he hadn't pushed it too far. Vaughn circled his desk, spinning to face his screen. A small blue box flashed in the corner of his screen.

_You have received a message from S Bristow. Accept?_

He clicked his mouse twice

**S Bristow:** Bite me


	9. Druken memories

_IMPORTANT NOTE: Ok so by the way I've changed the rating back because it's no way an R. If you think that's an incorrect decision let me know and I'll change it. Readers just be aware this is a high PG-13 and if the fic disappears, I've changed the rating again. Thank you so much to **AFan17, sydneyvaughn, sark is sexy, piglet** (glad you found me!), **daisyduke947, Fair Cate, Kyyra, sarKISSexy, vaughnbear, bristow, Aly, boyscoutswoman, MB138** (thank you very much), **agent bristows, mrs michael vartan** (sigh love the name), **Catherine, Suzanne, supergirl14, Mila, Maggieann452, Tine, Vaughn4ever, Vaughn is hot** (can't help but agree), **anma 27, i would have waited, total vaughn lover** and also a** special thank you **to** a **and** Twinnie** for reviwing my other fics **nostalgia's triangle** and **closely guarded secret! **_

_p.s i just found the button that lets me put it lines to separate the fic- i'm such a loser would have done that ages ago if i knew!_

It turned out that Sydney had left just before midday; Vaughn had discovered this after checking the entry log on the security system. Her files had been neatly tidied away and her computer was snoozing quietly in the corner of her desk. He left a little after three in the afternoon, due to the discovery of a hidden case report that had been due in the previous Friday. He found it amusing that at thirty-six he was still being given homework; he felt sometimes as if he were at school, trying not to be caught messing around, sitting at a desk, being under the watchful gaze of the grey-haired superiors and stealing a glance or two at the prettiest girl in class.

Eric looked up from his own desk to see his best friend's glazed eyes staring at nothing in particular

"Yo Vaughn" no response, "Vaughn" he whistled in an attempt to get his attention, waving his arms slightly "Vaughn!" nothing, "Mike!" still nothing

Vaughn was contemplating dinner; he had booked a reservation at Friscatti's a small but extremely classy Italian place tucked away amongst blossoming city gardens and boutiques. He had found it when buying her the photo frame only to rediscover it a few weeks ago; he instantly knew it was perfect. Vaughn was yanked from his thoughts.

"Hey!" he laughed "Was that necessary?" he picked up the scrunched ball of paper from the floor throwing it back at Eric who caught it

"Yer considering I've been trying to get your attention for the past two minutes" he threw it back at Vaughn

"Sorry man I was miles away" again the small paper ball was tossed between desks. Eric produced a small laugh

"You sound just like Sydney" Vaughn smiled at the mention of her name. "Speaking of my favourite girl how are things?" he asked tentatively. He could have sworn his best friend blushed as he caught the paper sphere

"It's going...it's going really great" Vaughn smiled

"That's great man! See I told you everything would be ok. You just had to open up."

"Yer no more Dr. Phil for you"

Eric laughed "Hey I'm just saying. So spill, tell me what's happening" he threw the scrunched ball into the bin near Vaughn's desk

"What are we at a slumber party all of a sudden?"

"Mike come on. You've been whining to me about how you want to be with Sydney for the past five years- excluding when you barely spoke to me during your marriage- I had to sit through you complaints, carry you home from bars with Jack, try to convince you to talk to her in the first place and now, you finally pluck up the courage and now you tell me nothing?"

"Ok first of all I barely know what's going on as it is; everything's moving so fast. Secondly I'm sorry about the whole not talking/Lauren thing, and thirdly-" he sighed "Please, please don't tell Syd about the whole Jack seeing me drunk in every bar in Los Angeles thing. I couldn't handle her knowing that, she nearly found out as it."

"How?" Eric was shocked; there had been a silent agreement that Jack's almost nightly collection of Vaughn was to remain a secret.

"Gary. I took her to the bar before the game and he nearly blurted it all out"

"How that man worked for the CIA, I'll never know," Jack coolly stated behind them. Vaughn closed his eyes frowning slightly

"Jack" he began his eyes still firmly closed "I'm sorry you weren't meant to hear that- it's just-"

"Hear what?" he stated kindly. Vaughn smiled at Sydney's father "I told you, I won't tell her. I'm a man of my word Vaughn... as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't need to know."

"Thank you" he said gratefully. The older agent gave a small smile and a nod as he departed, leaving Vaughn only with his memories. Eric quietly left realising he needn't say anything on this occasion.

_"Gary. I want another one" the young attractive man slurred_

_"I think you've had enough buddy. You know drinking yourself into oblivion isn't going to bring her back" his New York accent was thick, making his words heavy_

_"I said I fucking want another one!" Vaughn shouted_

_"No!" Gary contested_

_"Its my body, my life. M-my heart. I'll do whatever I want" Vaughn replied pushing the glass forcefully along the smooth wood towards the barman. He applied too much force however, and the fragile object slid off the end of the counter smashing angrily on the sticky floor._

_Vaughn's spy sense, even in his intoxicated state alerted him to the pressure in the air caused by the presence of someone knew. He remained facing the bottles of coloured liquid refusing to look him in the eye._

_"What do you want?" Vaughn stated coldly_

_"A whisky sour please Gary" he said ignore the drunken bitter man beside him "and another for him" he indicated Vaughn with his head_

_"Ugh, I don't think that's a good idea"_

_"Just do it Gary" The barman, slightly unnerved placed the two drinks before the men_

_"If he wants to drink his life a way he can be my guest. The sooner this world is shot of him the better" Vaughn crunched his ice in his teeth, his face bitter with anger._

_"This is ridiculous Vaughn" Jack stated. "She's been dead nearly three months, you need to start accepting that. It's never going to hurt less and she's never going to come back. You need to move on."_

_"I can't" the young man nearly whispered, "I won't"_

_"You must Michael!" jack shouted "You think this is what she would want, how she would want to see you? Sitting here drinking away your sorrows instead of living your life the way you're supposed to? You're not the man she fell in love with. You're an embarrassment and a coward." Vaughn threw a punch, but his actions were sloppy and Jack blocked his swing, offering a blow of his own. With a muffled thud Vaughn fell to the floor. He didn't move or even flinch at the pain. He just lay there looking up at the man he spent two years trying to prove himself to._

_"What do you want Jack?" Vaughn's voice was strained with emotion, threatened to collapse_

_"I want you to pull yourself together before you prove to me you weren't worthy of her after all. Get up of the floor and go home."

* * *

_

Vaughn sat in traffic waiting for the lights to change tapping his thumb lightly on the steering wheel. He sang gently as he drove his mind wandering. He pulled up at Weiss's at about three thirty, walking across the lawn to Syd's. The door was unlocked so he let himself in, calling her name. There was no response; he frowned slightly begging to worry. He couldn't hear the gentle hiss of the shower nor her movements around her home. There was no noise at all, just a silent, seemingly empty house. He pushed her bedroom door open, cocking his head slightly to peer around it. He smiled at what he saw

Sydney lay curled up tangled in her sheets; she wore his black jumper from the evening before and her underwear- her legs bare and one was draped seductively over a pillow, which she was holding. The room was dim but not dark due the time of day as he sat next to her on the bed, running the back of his fingers against her jaw. He dusted the pad of his thumb across the softness of her lip, his touch just above a whisper. She smiled and shivered under his touch and to his delight he hummed his name. He bent to kiss her temple, whispering sweet nothings in her ear in the way only she could make him.

_God I hope it's the right rating and that it is ok. Please please review much love dani Xxx_


	10. Suprise for Sydney

Sydney woke with a start; she wasn't sure why. She sat up and crossed her arms across herself stroking the ribbed fabric of Vaughn's blue sweater. She had discovered it discarded behind the cream coloured chair in the corner of her room- she found it comforting, its soft material and familiar scent making her feel as if he were lying next to her. She frowned, it was considerably darker than when she closed her eyes; the caramel shade of the light had shifted to a moody grey. 

Her eyes flashed in the direction of a small orange flicker and she quickly and inquisitively stepped out of bed following its curious trail. She called his name quietly searching for him as she stepped through her home. She gasped as he saw what he had left for her on the wooden kitchen counter; before her sat two white church candles and a gathering of pink roses next to an unassuming black gift box. It was relatively large and she ran her fingers over its cool ridged surface, lifting the cover slowly and with anticipation. Placing the lid on the surface she gasped once more as she saw what Vaughn had bought for her. There lying shyly in the tissue paper was a black dress- she smiled reaching over towards a long stemmed glass of red wine he had also left for her taking an elegant sip. Sydney placed the glass back where she found it and picked up the note off the dress- it simply read 'For Sydney'. She unfolded the piece card, her eyes dancing over the words he had written in his distinctive handwriting: 'I hope you like it. I love you. Vaughn x'. She pulled it from the box by its straps stepping back to admire it as it tumbled from its folded presentation.

She couldn't help admire his taste. It was really was one of the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, running a close second to the very man who'd bought it for her. She held it close to her chest allowing its gentle material to stroke her skin. She noticed another note placed under one of the candles; she stepped forwards to read it.

She inhaled sharply as she walked into her bathroom revealing the same pink roses basking in the warmth of candlelight. She didn't count, but there must have been at least a hundred candles in the room, all of different sizes but every one of them white. They surrounded a bath nearly full to the brim, where more petals drifted, skimming the surface of the hot water elegantly. Her smile was uncontrollable, her eyes drinking in the beauty of the moment in sheer adulation of his actions. What made it so special was the fact she knew he hadn't done this in a bid for forgiveness or through some sort of romantic obligation, but because he wanted to, because in his eyes, she always came first. He could always read her she mused, he always knew exactly what she desired or needed. He was always her guardian angel, and he would always love her. She didn't want to cry, to ruin the purity of his actions but she couldn't feel anything else but the sting of her eyes and she began to weep quietly. At that moment she had never loved him more.

* * *

An hour or so later Vaughn continued to pace Eric's living room. His eyes flitted from the clock on Weiss's mantle to the wooden path he had been walking back and forth for ten minutes. 

"Vaughn will you calm down, you're beginning to make me nervous. And I think you're starting to create a rut in my floor."

"Sorry man. I'm just nervous"

"What do you have to be nervous about? You've been openly in love with her for five years, well maybe not at first when you were her handler...or during the whole marriage thing beacause then you were secretly in love with her, but still. Mike listen- she's in love with you, after all this time and after everything that's happened, she's still in love with you! You love her right?"

"Of course!"

"And does she know this?"

"Yes" he said shyly

Then what are you worried about? You've got the rest of your lives together. You're going to have the best evening of your lives whatever happens, so there's no need to freak out." He pause for a second allowing his friend to process his words "How long until you have to pick her up?"

"Couple of minutes"

"Right, well that leaves me with just enough time for one more pep talk" Eric took his best friend by the shoulders looking at him with serious eyes. Vaughn sighed. "Don't screw this up man" Vaughn laughed

"Thanks! What happened to 'it doesn't matter what happens she loves you'?" he asked incredulously as his friend moved towards his kitchen

"Its still relevant of course" Eric said loudly from inside his fridge "but this is your first proper serious date and itwill ultimately set the tone for any other dinner you take her on. Rememeber, she's never seen the oh-so-charming-at-dinner-social-butterfly-Vaughn thatI have."

"That's sweet Eric, but you know you're not really my type right?" Eric took a swig of beer his eyes squinting in his sarcastic 'oh you're so funny' face

"Would you just leave already?" and with that, he did

* * *

_sorry for the short chapter- i've made up for it my posting two together! please review and also if you do please let me know what rating you want/think the fic shout be_

_disclaimer- dont own alias_


	11. Friscatti's

_Thanks to **fair cate, Mrs Michael Vartan, Vaughnbear, daisyduke947, Aly, sydney anne derevko bristow vaughn (project s.a.d.b.v. 47) b.a.d. v.s. ???** (phew what a name!), **katejones2005, maggieann452** and **Fay for reviewing my last few chapters** and for those who want to know, after a small demand, Ithink I might do a sequel for one of my other fics **nostalgia's triangle**...maybe! thanks for reading so far!-love dani xxx_

* * *

"Hi" she said shyly after opening the door to him 

"Hey" he blushed- his smile and his voice extremely shy. He stepped towards her and she embraced him in a kiss. It was deep and dark, passion oozing from their movements, he groaned quietly into her causing a cool ripple of adrenaline to coarse through the centre of her stomach. They separated a minute later, the familiar gentlepanting returning to their chests once more. They rested their heads together similar to every time they experienced such a deep and moving kiss

"Thank you". She needn't say anything else. He used his thumbs to wipe away the stickiness her tears had left during their kiss

"I've never seen you look more beautiful," he whispered close to her ear, his breath hot against her. She giggled coyly stepping back from his grip; she did a small twirl and stopped when she was facing him again. She timidly looked down, blushing under his gaze- the black dress fit her perfectly. Its straps were made of thin lace that followed down the line of the low v-neck and there was another strip under her breasts that went around her body to tie at her back. The line of the dress plunged dramatically at the back, allowing the thin ribbon of lace to contrast against her creamy skin. It was unique, its beauty distinctive and striking; neither had seen anything like it before and he was immediately pleased with his choice. He took her by the hand and she closed the door behind them; there was a taxi waiting outside for them and he opened the door for her causing her to giggle. They sat close to each otherin the taxi, taking up only one half of the back seat. She leant up against him, coiling her body in his.

"I could get used to this," she whispered into his neck, her hushed voice unintentionally seductive. She turned his head to hers, their lips almost touching.

"What?" he breathed, brushing his lips against hers momentarily. He enjoyed teasing her, knowing she also took pleasur in it.

"This" she smiled, her tone matching his. "The candles, the roses, the bath. This dress. You" she said placing a kiss on his neck. He tried his best not to imagine her in the bath, but failed miserably. His fingers dusted along her thigh; they spoke between kisses and caresses

"Play your cards right Miss Bristow, and your evening could get even better" she laughed hitting him on the arm mockingly

They arrived at their destination soon after; they now stood adjacent to the waterfront. There was a black painted iron barrier similar to that at the pier that meant so much to them. As long as they could see, there was a row of small white bulbs illuminating the indigo sky above them. She leant in and kissed him in appreciation once more

"I think we were giving the cab driver a bit of an eye-full" he joked

"Yeah he was definitely getting more than he paid for" she quipped in return. He took her hand gently and walked her along the pavement. Across the road there were small patisseries, café's and boutiques. She couldn't understand how they were so close to their CIA offices yet these places were so different from the angry grey city she was used to. The lush greens of the treesand the pinks of gentle summer blossoms blended artistically with the small white lights that seemed to be all around them. They looped around trees and danced around the tops of the buildings. Random restaurants with blushing couples or people eating alone hid themselves, the path they followed happily led them to a restaurant apart from the others- more secluded but similar in their quirky romantic beauty.

Vaughn whispered something to the maitre-d who smiled and nodded leading them to a table slightly apart from the others. Vaughn guided her, his hand against her lower back, and action they were more than familiar with. She could feel the warmth of his hand against the dip in her back. He pulled the chair out for her allowing her to sit; he tucked in the chairs she sat, their movements synchronised perfectly. Vaughn sat opposite her and their gaze was unfaltering as the waiter returned with two long stemmed glasses filling them with a dark burgundy liquid. They picked them up, raising them to each other in a toast

"To you" he whispered with a smile

"And to you" she blushed. There was a gentle chime of glass on glass and they each took a small sip with a smile. They ordered distractedly from the menu reading Friscatti's, their fingers slowly dancing: small strokes and gentle caresses causing them to smile further. All their words were whispered, each sound escaping from their lips cherished and remembered. Sydney rolled some of her pasta around her fork lifting it to Vaughn who accepted it graciously; their eyes never left each other as he placed his lips over it, taking the pasta with ease. She moaned silently as he licked some of the red sauce from her palm, his eyes watching herresponse tohis actions, her head titling and eyes closed.

They thanked the waiter once more as he cleared their plates quietly watching the interaction between the pair. She laughed at something he said, the waiter didn't hear what but smiled. Vaughn stood and walked to stand beside her. His smile had gone but was still present in his eyes; Sydney frowned slightly not understanding

"Dance with me?" he said quietly, secretly worried about her response. Sydney smiled standing to face him. Their bodies were inches a part as he took her hands walking backwards leading her to a small gap between the tables and the small now empty bar. The violinist who had gone previously unnoticed by the young couple smiled at the pair and played to them; other tables watched sweetly as they began dancing only seeing each other. She pressed her body to his resting her head on his shoulder; he took her hand, holding it as they danced, his other placed once again to the warm skin of her back. Their bodies swayed gently to the music, their hips moving subtly as if to a song only they could here. He lifted her head off his shoulder, the knuckle of his forefinger under her chin. Vaughn brushed the pad of his thumb against her bottom lip and along her jaw. They shared a whispered kiss.

"I'm so in love with you Sydney- every second that I'm with you, around you, even away from you, I love you more." She bit her lip shyly at his words, looking down. "I've loved you for always. And I always will. It's only you Syd. Always you. You are the most beautiful person I'll ever know- your strength I-its humbling Sydney, you're beauty is breath-taking, I'll never be able to describe the feeling I have when i'maround you- I could never explain how it feels to be this in love with you." she looked up, her eyelashes saturated with moisture. Sydney sniffed, laughing at herself.

"Oh Vaughn," she gently sighed. "I love you too much-I mean it'sbordering on compulsive". They exhaled a loving laugh together, resting their heads against each other. "I've been in love with you my whole life...I- is that possible? I- I have been waiting for you to save me my whole life. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and loving you is more intoxicating than anything I have ever experienced. I love you so much and I always will."

Later, the couple shared a Tiramisu, feeding each other with their spoons and occasionally, fingers; they giggled at their messy actions, Sydney biting his fingers and they slipped into her mouth. Vaughn suckedthem defensivelyin mock pain, his goofy pretending causing her to lean back in her chair and laugh loudly. It was a deep laugh that caused him to shiver with delight at her glowing happiness; something he hadn't experienced in three long empty years.

Even after her endless protesting he paid for the meal reaching for her hand across the table as the stood. They were given a complimentary bottle of wine that shared the name of the restaurant to take home with them. Something told the waiter when he gave it to them it would never be drunk- just kept as a romantic reminder of a blisteringly wonderful night. A bottle they would show their children and grandchildren, possibly being drunk ona distant anniversary. They giggled as they left, their hands intertwined, their heads bowed in flirtatious repartee. They departed with a smile and he kissed her knuckles gently. The waiter watched them disappear down the path, following the river of lights half hidden by the emerald leaves ruffled by the warmth of the evening spring breeze. They were in their own world, completely oblivious the events around them.

Vaughn whispered broken French into her ear as they wandered down back through the buildings and greenery to the seafront. He kissed her hand once more pulling her into a long velvet kiss. Their lips crushed against each other sweetly, their tongues gently duelling. Sydney moaned into his warm, chocolate mouth pressing her hips to his. They pulled apart as the taxi he had order arrived, kissing tenderly once more in silent agreementto keep their hands off each other on the ride home. She place her palm against his cheek

"I love you" she spoke, her voice hushed

"I love you" he replied in a whisper

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_please please review! -dani xxx_


	12. Ice queen

Oky dokey...so I FINALLY broke up from school last week, but thanks to that gem- the British education system, I have four extremely important AS and A-level exams to contend with not to mention the sheer mountain of extra homework. Therefore, my posts will unfortunately have bigger gaps between them, but after some constructive (and fair) criticism about typos from **T,** I will be taking more time over them. My mistakes usually occur as I start the chapters about 5pm when I get home from school and then finish and post them at about ten- even though I proof read I still manage to miss the mistakes and I think most of the discrepancies happen when I'm altering them after I've uploaded them and are making alterations! Also, I don't have anyone to proof read them, as no one except you people reading know that I write anything! Anyhoo...obsessive rant over... thank you loads to **Jamie, princess box, kyyra, T, daisyduke947, Maggieann452 (thank you very much- and to the mini Maggies!!!), vaughnbear, a, mila-uri113, katejones2005, piglet, Tine and Fay **for reviewing my past few chapters and to all of you reading this!!! Also thank you again to**Tine, luiza, kniki, raina, moni, meow, mila-uri113, sa and kyyra for their encouragement on changing the rating. Thankyou very very much!!** Here goes nothing....

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"Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen" Vaughn whispered as he threw pieces of popcorn into the hair of the woman a couple of rows infront of them "Fifteen. Sixteen- seriously, how is she not noticing?!" 

"Because you throw like a girl, that's why." Sydney quipped, her head turning just a fraction towards him; her eyes were still glued the canvas screen before her, the flickers of light illuminating her face like some restless phantom. It had been two days since their date at Friscatti's, and the pair had taken advantage of their free Friday afternoon and gone to the cinema. They had agreed to choose the film that was showing nearest to their time of arrival, which on this occasion happened to be some blockbuster melodrama. "This is ridiculous" she tutted "there is no way he could defuse that- look! He couldn't possibly cut the yellow wire-it's a false lead, what he needs to find is the anti-static wire that runs through the plasma relay..." Vaughn eyed her, sucking on the straw of his coke.

"Well, if you don't like Hollywood's take on the spy world, why don't you go to the front of the theatre and do some nice round-house kicks and throw some punches and show everyone how its really done. Hey- if you like I could join you and we could do a little mock fight." She threw some popcorn at him trying not to laugh at the small actions that accompanied his teasing.

"Why the hell did we choose this?"

"Actually Bristow I think you'll find 'we' didn't choose it: you did"

"Ugh well, it sucks and I'm out of Milk Duds" she said pouting

"Oh-no. Don't be giving me that face Bristow. I'm outta popcorn but you don't hear me whining."

"That's because you threw it at everyone in a five row radius!"

"Minor detail" he said taking another sip "besides," he continued, "you have a nice cup of ice chips to get through yet" She looked down at the discarded drinks carton filled with the thin rectangular pieces of ice. She raised her eyebrow, an idea luxuriously creeping into her mind.

Worried about the silence sitting between the pair, Vaughn turned to her placing his lips milliseconds from her ear. "I'm sorry" he breathed, the warmth of his breath making her pleasantly shudder. She hated how he could so blatantly see the effects he had on her. She tried to ignore him, her eyes resting unfocused against the screen. He trailed his mouth downwards "What do you want to eat- are you still hungry?" she tried to emit some sort of logical, coherent response, but what tumbled from her lips was closer to a letter-less moan. She felt him smile against the softness of her neck "Tell me what you want Sydney" Vaughn whispered, pressing a kiss to her skin. She turned her head to him and they leant to kiss. At first their contact was gentle and shy, the soft flesh of their lips in tender contact; her actions were inviting, hungry for the velvet texture of his tongue. His eyes shot open realising why he could feel her smile against him. A sharp but refreshing coolness filled his mouth as she passed an ice-chip from her mouth to his. She quietly groaned as slowly and with care he passed it back, their tongues brushing momentarily. They continued this game she had created until the ice dissipated, melting into both of their mouths. They continued their kiss for several more minutes until a loud explosion jolted them from their actions. They tried to ignore the fact they had jumped from a pretend detonation from the film, the likes of which they were more than familiar with. They broke apart, watching the darkness seep from each other's eyes. They shared one small uncorrupted kiss and sat back to watch a few more minutes of the forgotten film. Sydney resting her head against Vaughn's shoulder- she liked that little flirtatious game they had played, making a mental note to use the teasingly cold substance more often. Vaughn tried to stifle the same grin he had had in the elevator of the Berlin sex club, Sydney's kinky and playful side emerging effortlessly. He loved it how she tried to act all wholesome and pure whenever they were together, as if any less than reputable thought were a thousand miles from her conscious. She was always failing to notice her own naughtier tendencies.

Sydney could feel a familiar heaviness return to her eyes, the pressure behind them alerting her of her own tiredness. She felt them falling hopelessly, not even trying to stop them. However she was quickly jolted from her premature slumber, a sensation that caused a response from every part of her. She shivered involuntarily, a cool ripple coursing through her; her core began to hum and she bit her lip, her attempt to pretend his actions were not affecting her were rendered useless. Vaughn trailed the corner of one of the ice-chips down her, following the contours as if an artist capturing an image of their model. He ran the stinging glass-like substance along her bottom lip slipping it inside her, his fingers lingering in her warmth. She sucked against them gently, if just for a second. He ran his thumb along her jaw and back to her lip applying pressure against it; Vaughn continued his trail down her neck, somehow managing to acquire another one of his frozen toys.

He watched as she writhed in silent gratification, leaving a wet, cool trail against her neck with the ice. Vaughn's fingers was travelling towards the neckline of her t-shirt; he ran the piece along the edge of the material quickly lifting it, throwing the piece down her back. Sydney jumped from her position, yelping loudly causing her to receive dirty glances from some of the other patrons. She fumbled about in vain as the cube melted leaving a small see-through patch on her back. She glared at Vaughn who was facing away from her slightly, his eyes on the screen; he bit his thumb distractedly seemingly completely oblivious to her stare. That was it, she thought as she cursed him under her breath. She added this to her list of events she needed to get him back for. She subconsciously rubbed her neck where the hickie had been, silently laughing at what her face must have been like when he pointed it out to her father.

Minutes later the lights of the theatre illuminated the couple in its cream coloured hue. They hadn't really been watching the closing moments of the film, and the gentle mummer of the small gathering around them jolted them from their thoughts. They grabbed their respective jackets from the seats either side of them, and Sydney slipping her bag over her head to rest diagonally across her body. Vaughn watched her get ready out stretching his hand; she accepted it coyly, the pair walking along the isle to the exit. They fumbled their way past some people still seated, stubbornly watching the credit as if the scrawl of white names clashing with the black of the screen was extremely interesting. The couple left the lobby of the building, the purple of the outside air a gentle surprise to them both. Sydney looked at her watch to confirm the time, as if somehow, the sky was wrong, cutting the day unnecessarily short.

Vaughn and Sydney walked slowly talking about how much they enjoyed the film, the connotations and suggestive implications seeping through their words. Something suddenly occurred to Vaughn and he stopped in between two of the hundreds of parked vehicles.

"Uh... do you remember where we parked?" he asked trying to be serious. Sydney was quiet for a second

"Are you serious?" she giggled

"Yeah" he laughed, "I have no idea where we are, I mean- we could have parked anywhere"

"Didn't you look at the letter?" he laughed at this

"Didn't you? Besides, they don't have letters Sydney, this is a cinema complex, not Disney Land"

"Whatever Goofy. The point is you lost the car"

"I did not, we did"

"Oh really?" she challenged

"Yes. Really" he said stepping up to her. She leant back against the red Ford behind her, letting him trap her between him and it. He placed his hands either side of her resting his palms against the cool of the glass. He brushed his nose against hers, teasing her with his gentle touch, Sydney however, stood her ground, not showing any exterior reaction to his movements. She closed his eyes as he began to kiss her neck once more, her head tilting, eyes closing, calling his name softly

"Vaughn..." she groaned into the night air; he made no verbal response to her half-hearted plea, instead he ran his hand along her thigh towards her hip pushing up her skirt as he went. "I-" a high pitched non-verbal utterance escaped her. She attacked his mouth with hers, her lips toying with his impatiently, desperate for him. His fingers ran a hungry path to her inner thigh, he pressed into the flimsy damp material of her panties -she bit down hard onto his lip as she had so many times before. Both were extremely aroused to the point of incoherency, as he slipped two fingers inside her, her body willingly accepting him. She moaned into him, her nails digging into his shoulder, secretly enjoying their interaction beingin such a public place. He felt her beginning to shiver due to the cold air wrapping itself around the both of them. He kissed her once, more lightly than before, placing the palms of his hands to her face. He stepped away from her, leaving her to rest against the car. Vaughn took a second to study the excited blush of her cheeks, and the way her eyes glistened for him. She smiled as did he, and he swiftly removed his sweater handing it to her.

"Vaughn I'm fine"

"I felt you shiver Syd. You're not. Put it on... please?"

"Vaughn, I told you. I'm fine. And how do you know it wasn't-"

"Different kind of shiver" he interrupted, pre-empting her argument. She smiled at him "That's not the same, I know what I feels like to have your body shake against me, and that wasn't it. You're cold" she sighed, lazily pulling it over her head.

"So now I'm all warm and cosy," she breathed "I believe we were... looking for your car" he stepped towards her once more placing his hands on her hips; she loved that about him- they way he could always lead her, without ever becoming forceful. She grabbed the buckle of his belt, yanking him towards her. Their eyes were connected as he lifted her allowing her to wrap her legs around his slender body. They leant to kiss as they backed up against car, the force of which causing a loud cry to emit from it. The alarm screeched at them, destroying the moment and making their ears scream in retaliation. The pair couldn't help but giggle- he watched her laugh in the silver illumination of the moon, the dark of the night's canvas sky making her glow. With care her untangled her legs from her waist, watching her stand gracefully. She looked at him quizzically, a smile still noticeable

"W-" she looked behind her "what?"

"You are so beautiful," he whispered shaking his head slightly. He could see her blush into the cold air around her, the soft white condensation of her breath clashing with it. He kissed her once more, one hand on her hip, the other in the roots of her dark hair.

"I love you" she said barely above a whisper

"I love you" he returned in equal volume

They heard distant voices shouting, wondering why their car was screaming bloody murder. The pair laughed once more, running away from the loud, irritating sound. It's monotony grew quieter as they continued to run, however after tripping over nothing in particular, Vaughn's ran into the hood of another car, ungracefully fell to the ground. Sydney's face was filled with worry; this disappeared seconds later however, as a deep laugh bubbled from her throat, coating the night sky with humour. He couldn't hep laugh at himself, and he laid his head back on the concrete ground.

"I found the car" he deadpanned causing her shake her head amusingly

"Only you" she laughed

"Tell me about it" Vaughn reached his hand upwards for help. He quickly took it, only to be pulled down on top of him. She giggled "Much better" he sighed

"That was too predictable"

"And yet she's still lying on the floor ladies and gentlemen"

"Vaughn" she sighed a laugh "we better get up before people begin to think I'm attacking you

"Oh yeah because that could happen" she gave him a look "ok, maybe it could, but I'm not the one stupid enough to fall for one of the oldest tricks in the book"

"Mean"

"Oh you love it"

"Shut up"

"Tease"

"Oh yeah. I'm the tease"

"Didn't see you complaining" she raised her eyebrow at his last comment. He'd got her there

"Touché" she whispered

"It always is" he replied kissing her gently


	13. Whispered observations

They drove home in an appreciated comfortable silence; Vaughn was behind the wheel, a subtle smile present in his features. Sydney studied him, the orange lights of the highway flicking across his face as they drove. She realised he wasn't aware of her scrutiny, and continued to study him. He looked as if he crawled out of a Levi advert- a white t-shirt and jeans encasing his body modestly. She could see the gentle curve of the muscles of his shoulders, the charcoal pattern on his shoulder no longer visible. She noticed how shy he seemed about it, never willingly showing it; at night she'd kiss the pattern, its gentle curves causing him to sigh at her touch. 

She followed the line of his body noting the scar carved into his upper arm- the result of Sark's attack on Daniel Ryan's sabotaged 747. She recalled their brief time together in the car park, and how much his touch had meant to her, his embrace causing reassurance to diffuse through the both of them. She knew now of course that that was a silent whisper- an affirmation of his devotion to her, and her only. She had needed his strength at that moment more than anything else, the intimacy of their embrace more than either had experienced. Sydney did not see the pain etched into his eyes as he held her once again, a thousand memories of his role of handler, friend and lover breaking through the emotional barrier he had so painstakingly built. His fingers clutched at her, clawing against the material of her jacket to ensure she was really there, that he wasn't seeing a ghost constructed of the desires and memories found at the bottom a bottle. She was really there and she loved him. After everything, she still loved him.

Sydney frowned sadly as she remembered how before Taipei all those sad years ago he had discovered her at the train station. The sheer compassion she had felt at that moment- the love she felt for him was unparalleled. She tried her best, like so many times in their first year of friendship, to not let her emotion rise to the surface, to show how he affected her, but this time, similar to their time at the pier, she couldn't help it. She recalled how he listed all the places she had mentioned, places that to her held a specific meaning or emotion. Her body fluttered as she realised he could read her like no other, and that he really was her guardian angel- her protector. She'd wanted to embrace him, hold his hand, smile at him, anything- just to show her appreciation: but no, the dangers of their life and not to mentionprotocol forbid it. It caused a ripple of anguish to seep through her body. This was so unfair, she had mused, it slowly dawning on her that she had fallen crazily in love with him. Once she knew of her feelings she was worried if he felt the same, how to be around him, how to open up when he asked her to, but she only found herself acting the same. Sydney smiled into the darkness of the car as she remembered her own realisation- she had felt that way all along only she hadn't seen it. She nearly laughed at her own stupidity, but bit her tongue to silence herself, enjoying her uninterrupted study of her boyfriend.

Sydney froze. Did she just think that? She rolled the word over her subconscious a few times, enjoying its taste. She was Michael Vaughn's girlfriend, and he was her boyfriend. She wished she could invent a word just for him, one more meaningful than boyfriend- after everything they had been through, all they had experienced to get to this point, the term 'boyfriend' seemed too irrelevant, too high-school for her liking. She quickly chastised herself realising there was no such word, and for now, albeit happily, she'd have to settle for the word 'boyfriend'. She smiled joyfully, a small shrug of contentment accompanying her expression of happiness.

She once again let her eyes lazily caress him. Her eyes stopped their journey her heart aching ever so slightly. She had once heard you can judge a man by the watch he wore; in the case of Michael Vaughn, this was no exception. The watch, similar to him was not overly extravagant, just sophisticated and to the point. It was aesthetically and textually pleasing, the soft surface of the dark and tender leather carefully encasing his wrist, sheltering it from the harsh realities of the situations around them.

The watch was also a symbol of his love for his father; a man who he hardly knew, but loved in a way he did no other. It showed the world how he looked up to him, the way he aspired to be like him and his respect for him. But more importantly it stated 'My father was William Vaughn, a patriot, a servant of his country- a good man. I am somebody'. This treasured possession also symbolised his own patriotism, his love for his country and for his agency, the love for the job, a job he did so well.

But most of all, she thought, what this watch showed the most was his being in love with a woman named Sydney Anne Bristow. Her. She blushed at the way he had literally warn his heart on his sleeve for five years, a silent declaration of his never ending love for her. It was their secret, one they had never shared with anyone and never would. Her heart broke a little when she noticed one day in a debriefing the way its hands idly moved across the black numbers. She tried not to ask herself if it was he who had had it fixed, or if it was some cruel trick that was being played upon her. She wondered if he ever told Lauren of their shared secret- of what this watch really meant to him.

Sydney finally took her eyes off his figure, taking the opportunity to close her eyes once more. She relaxed against the soft headrest of the seat, her eyes drinking in the flame coloured flickers through her eyelids. It wasn't long until she had completely fallen asleep, pleasant memories of him drifting across the surface of her subconscious.

Vaughn took his left hand of the steering wheel, distractedly kneading a knot that had formed in his neck. As he waited for the scarlet light to change to jade he glance over at the woman who had captured his heart so long ago. His eyes smiled, drinking in her appearance for a second. A loud obnoxious sound ripped him from his thoughts as the impatient man behind him thumped against his steering wheel. With much difficulty, Vaughn removed his eyes from his girlfriend, driving away, almost wincing at the thought of the word. Maybe three years ago she could have been his girlfriend, but now, even more than before, she was so muchmore than that. Sydney was his best friend, his confidante, his companion, his strength, his lover, his everything. She was all he wanted, and all that he needed. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing else. And there never would be.

Less than five minutes later Vaughn's car could be seen pulling up at Sydney's. He switched of the engine turning to face Sydney studying her beauty for a few more seconds.

"Sydney" he whispered gently placing a hand on her shoulder. She hummed in response, curling up more in the seat. "Syd. Baby we're home" he liked the taste of the words in his mouth; to him Sydney had always been associated with home, and once again he found himself unofficially sharing the house of the woman he had been in love with for too long. 'We should so be married by now' he almost said aloud, thanking the stars he did not. He unclasped her seatbelt, taking his time as not to wake her. Vaughn opened his door and climbed out breathing in the refreshment of the cool night air; he walked around to the passenger side opening the door, crouching to her height. As if aware of his presence even in sleep she turned her head to him, her breaths slow and long. He tucked her hair from her face behind her ear, oblivious as to how he was beginning to adopt her familiar habit for himself. Vaughn slid his arm beneath the arch in her back, her warmth radiating to his arm. He placed his other arm under the crook of her knees trying his best not to jingle his keys and disturb her from her much needed slumber. With care he lifted her from the seat allowing her to sleepily wrap her arms around his neck. He hissed as he clumsily hit his head on the frame of the door, glad she couldn't see his stupidity. He could have sworn he saw the hints of a smile twitching in the corner of her lips, but let it got as she rested her head against his shoulder.

Vaughn kicked the door shut lightly with his foot, heading off up the path to the front door of Syd's house unbelieving of how light she seemed. He mused about how her fragility had seemed to grow since her return, pushing her body and her emotions to the full capability. He blamed himself for that, wishing he had been there for her when she entered his life for the second time. He wondered if he wasn't coddling her once more, memories of arguments flooding through his mind like liquid. Sydney had once said that everyday she wished she could go back in time: he didn't tell her he had too, longing for a second chance at making things right. He stopped walking suddenly at the thought of this not being right, glancing down at the woman he loved. This was perfect, he thought, for this moment he'd go through the 628 painful days without her once more, just to feel the warmth of her body in his for just a second. 'How could this not be right you idiot?' Vaughn chastised himself. He continued to walk the path to the door.

He wasn't sure how he managed to unlock the door with his arm flexed beneath Sydney's sleeping form; a satisfying metallic clatter filled the room as he dropped the keys neatly onto the table by the front door. He observed her as he walked from the living room to her bedroom, his eyes leaping to check for obstacles every now and then. He laid her down on the bed, his hand cradling her head as he placed it on the pillow. He knelt beside her, lightly stroking her jaw with the knuckle of his finger watching her smile gently, sighing into his touch.

Vaughn wasn't sure how long he's been like that, the concept of time eradicated from his mind whenever they were in any sort of proximity. He perched on the soft mattress, seated beside her hip. He lifted her torso towards him gentle whispering into her ear to raise her arms for him. She quickly and sleepily complied, as with ease and care he removed his sweater from her warm body. He dropped the clothing onto the floor, holding her body to him, his palm pressed to the middle of her back. Sydney rested her head once more in the dip between his should and his head, her nose gentle grazing the skin of his neck. Vaughn removed her t-shirt and unclasped her bra with ease letting the material fall to her waist; the garments were quickly discarded on the carpeted floor. He then reached behind the coolness of her pillow with his spare hand and removed the tank top she wore to bed allowing it to glide down her arms and across the delicate surface of her chest and back.

Vaughn laid Sydney back on the bed carefully undoing the buttons of her jean skirt. He slid it down the softness of her long and slender legs, folding it once before it also landed on the floor. He removed her panties; replacing them with the soft pink plaid material of her pyjama bottoms he had seen her in five days earlier. He smiled at their shyness, observing how close they had become over the last five days. Vaughn placed Syd's legs under the warmth of her comforter; he stood slowly taking a second to breathe in her appearance and her scent. He bent down breathing a kiss against the suppleness of he lips which she gently returned andshe smiled as he whispered that he loved her and always would. He stroked her hair once more kissing her forehead tenderly.Hereachedfor the lamp andwith a satisfying click they were plunged into darkness.

He picked up the clothes scattered over the floor folding them neatly, laying them across the back of the chair in the corner of her room. He glanced at the daisies in the vase on her dresser; they were becoming tinted with the colour of decay- she would need some new ones he thought. He quietly closed the door of the bathroom, but not before stealing a last look at the beautiful girl who had stolen his heartin what seemed a dozen life times ago. He had never loved her more._

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thanks for reading please review in you can!- dani xxx_


	14. Sweet Dreams

**Warning: this chapter at times will contain extreme violence. Hope I don't offend anyone.

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Sydney slowly walked down a stony grey corridor. She was holding the hand of a pretty little girl who wore a gentle pink dress; she quickly realised she was wearing it too. At first she thought the child was her own, her daughter- her daughter with Vaughn, but it quickly dawned on her it was herself as a child- a shy girl brimming with innocence, enviously oblivious to the evil around her. The pair smiled at each other and continued to walk; they swung their arms, their hands still holding as if children in a playground. They felt pleasantly comforted by each other's presence until the little girl stopped suddenly, her eyes wide and fixed on the door just up ahead they had been walking towards but not getting any closer to.

"What is it Sydney?" she asked the little girl softly "Are you scared?" the child nodded looking up at her, "Its ok. No one can hurt you, not while I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere." The girl's fearful expression seemed to go and she appeared more calm and placid than before. Sydney studied her younger self for a while and nodded once. She started to walk again but the girl didn't shift; her infant reflection stayed routed to the spot, her eyes dark and staring. She was determined they were not to go any nearer to the door. "Come on. I told you- its ok," she said a little more sternly than before pulling the infant's arm gently "Come on Sydney" she stated, anger beginning to show its presence in her voice. She looked down at her for a couple of seconds- the child stared back, a frightening fierceness glowing in her eyes. "Sydney! Move. Now"

"No!" Sydney let go of the girl's hand as she spoke in shock at her own voice sounding from the little girls mouth. "You are so stubborn!" the child shouted angrily, the anomalous maturity of her voice echoing along the length of the corridor. Water began to drip down the wall, the steady trickle quickly becoming a sporadic and uncontrollable surge. Sydney shook her head

"I don't care what you say. I have to know," she said looking back at the door. She began walking towards it once more, this time faster and more confidently leaving the little girl behind. She heard her pleading behind her

"Please Sydney no!" the child begged, her voice having returned to that of a normal young girl. She heard the splash of the small child's footsteps as she ran towards her. Sydney heard a little scream as she fell in the water and she spun round to help her. The enfant picked her self up slowly and beginning to whimper produced a greyish knife from the water beneath her. Light flashed along its sharp-rimmed edge, the bright whiteness burning Sydney's eyes. With a small cry Sydney dodged the lunge of the little girl, the sharp metal knicking at the flesh of her stomach where her scar lay. Syd began to run towards the door looking over her shoulder seeing the girl advancing quickly behind her, clutching at her stomach. The image her eyes drank in disturbed her; the child's features contorting, her darkened face becoming misshapen and twisted with hate. Sydney backed against the door, perplexed and disgusted, the image sickening her to her core. She was in turmoil: should she fight her younger self- willingly hurt her, or should she continue to dodge her violent actions, playing the defence for a change. Sydney spotted the girl preparing to attack and she swiftly kicked the offending object from her hand, sweeping her legs out from underneath her with one neat kick. The girl yelped slightly, splashing in the water as she fell. Sydney was panting heavily, bending over and placing her hands against her knees. Her throat stung and her chest was convulsing aggressively; she couldn't understand why she was so warn out after such little physical activity. Sydney's sharp intakes of breath suddenly stopped, the sound of her own voice filling the corridor once again. She kept her head down, her eyes fixed on the swirling blackened water beneath her.

"I warned you. I told you didn't want to see what was in there." Sydney slowly raised her eye line. She saw an identical now adult version of herself staring back at her, crouched, her dark eyes burning into their template. Syd's angrier reflection grabbed her hair yanking her head back. She felt a sharp pain burn through the roots of the soft brown fibres, her mouth open, sucking in cool air with a pained hiss. Her attacker spun her around to face the door. "You wanted to see? Fine." She kicked the door open revealing a grassy garden boxed by attractive aging brick walls where ivy lavishly grew. There were brightly coloured flowers filling forgotten spaces, while a gentle greenery swallowed the edges of the lush emerald square. Sydney smiled almost forgetting the pain swimming through her skull. There was a tree to the left of the garden and besides the coffee colour trunk sat a graceful white bath. Sydney was thrown forwards by her attacker, and with slight trepidation, stepped across the grass. She turned back towards the cold eyes of her doppelganger who watched her intently. She noticed the door and corridor were no longer present and she turned her head back, her hesitant steps continuing. Sydney's body trembled in anguish, already knowing the image see was going to be greeted with when she met her destination. She felt she had had this memory so many times, yet every occasion this poisoned image seeped through her tired brain, the fear, the abhorrence, and the pain from such a sickening and disturbing picture never subsided. Her guilt never left her, always a constant irritation in the deeper regions of her soul- this, she could not compartmentalise.

As she approached the smooth and linear curves of the porcelain, she chastised herself; selfishly, she pondered, she had not thought about Danny and his murder for a long time, the pain of her present life coating everything she knew in a thick waxy glaze. Her hatred for Sloane had now become similar to many such cases of repulsion and anger; automatic- the reasons for such a strong disgust now only a raw and dusty memory. She was close now, her eye line almost able to cascade down the inner walls of the bath and to see its bloody contents; her steps became small, the blades of grass embossed with her footprints. She looked down at her feet, noting how her clothes had changed into jeans and a white shirt. She frowned, biting her lip not wanting to see the image she had so many times. Quickly, she made one final step towards the golden-clawed feet of the bath; hesitantly she peered over the edge, her features falling at the sensation the image threw at her. Her hands gripped ferociously at the cool sides of the bath, a scream ripping through the softness of her throat. The sight of his mangled body was not what she had been expecting, his glazed eyes piercing her heart. White-hot tears sliced through her flesh, falling from her jaw onto the swaying blades of the green carpet. She bit into the flesh of her hand, reaching towards his cold corpse. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to eradicate the image from her mind. Heavy sobs rattled through her entire body, interlaced with burning screams.

"Vaughn!" She screamed, shaking aggressively at his body. This wasn't how it was meant to be, he was supposed to love her forever, be with her forever, stay with her forever. The blood in the bath began to rise quickly, Vaughn's body soon becoming submerged in the thick, oozing liquid. She choked out a cry as his elegant features disappeared under the deep burgundy substance, the blood seeping and glugging over the edge of the bath, staining the cool enamel of it sides. She stepped back, her eyes wide with fear and pain.

"Aw. Has lover-boy been in a little accident?" Sneered a cold British voice from behind her. Sydney's head snapped up and she slowly began to turn towards the voice. There, where her doppelganger had previously been, stood the very amused and hateful face of an unwanted memory.

"Lauren" Sydney hissed. Lauren looked over Sydney's shoulder towards the bath

"Tut tut. What a mess huh Sydney? Your poor, poor Vaughn" she sneered with emphasis placed on his name. "Oh, you're not going to cry are you?"

"I wouldn't give you the satisfaction," Sydney said walking slowly towards her

"You know this time, he isn't here to save you"

"What?" Sydney asked, but she was silenced by a blow to the head, the pain which sliced through her brain causing her to double over away from Lauren

"The last time we fought Sydney- the only reason you won, was because he saved you. He's the only reason you're alive and now look. Look at how you've repaid him." With a yell Sydney threw her leg in the air behind her, kicking Lauren square in the jaw. She let out a high-pitched grunt, stumbling backwards, yer hand pressed to her face. She threw a punch but missed allowing Sydney to grab her arm and push it back towards her, the effect of which causing Lauren to elbow herself in the nose. Lauren swung her arm at Sydney, the back of her hand colliding with Sydney's cheek. Syd, slightly bent over felt Lauren's elbow connect with her spine and so punched Lauren hard in the stomach. She stood to round kick the annoying British woman, but she caught Sydney's foot and kicked her other leg from underneath her. Syd, not wanting to go down alone, yanked at Lauren's hair taking her with her.

They landed on the ground with a thud, a soft carpet breaking Syd's fall. She winced slightly, a pressured pain clamping and crushing against her skull. She momentarily forgot the attacker leaning over her body until she felt a sharp pain in her neck. Sydney ripped her eyes open to see Lauren kneeling infront of her. She was sat in a chair similar to that in Typai, her arms and legs bound by a thick wire, which cut into her skin. She didn't look down, but she recognised the feel of the outfit shewore also in Typai when she went with Vaughn, the plastic material of her bra cutting into her flesh. She saw a piece of bright red hair fall across her eyes, immediately recognising it from the mission after which she met him and discovered the truth about who she really worked for. A familiar pain seeped through her mouth, and she quickly realised it was that caused by Dr Lei and his pliers. She felt her mouth swell, the excruciating throbbing in her mouthresulting in an overwhelming desire toscream. She looked at the surroundings in front of her, Lauren having suddenly gone from the picture. She was sat in her living room she noticed, and apart from a slow gentle ticking, a pleasant silence dusting over the furniture. She heard Lauren calling her, her voice malicious and taunting, her breath cutting into her ear.

"I've injected you with a paralysing toxin; right now if you tried, you wouldn't be able to move any part of your body except your eyes, which for me is perfect, because all I want you to do is watch." She grabbed Sydney's jaw, her nails biting into her flesh, yanking her head to her left. There in the middle of Sydney's living room stood her and Vaughn kissing gently. She watched as he slowly placed his arm around her waist, his fingertips gently brushing over her cheek. She wanted to smile but could not, but through the pain that clamped down on her jaw, she could feel the smooth caress of his lips on hers and the gentle toying of his velvet tongue. She heard herself hum into his mouth from across the living room, finding joy in the way they looked like together.

Sydney's heart sped up however when she saw Lauren approach herself and Vaughn. She was grinning like a Cheshire cat, hopping about from foot to foot madly. She circled them coming up beside them, similar to the way Weiss had in SD-6. Sydney tried to scream, to shout, to let them know what was happening, but they were only aware of each other and not the woman standing besides them. Inside she was screaming Vaughn's name, alerting him to Lauren who was now holding her finger to her lips as if to silence her attempts to warn them. Sydney's eyes went wide as with one swift movement Lauren thrust a knife deep into Vaughn's back. He opened his mouth against her own, his legs giving way as she ripped the knife from his flesh. Sydney watched in horror as Lauren hit her other self across the skull with the butt of the knife. She circled the couple watching as Vaughn crawled to Sydney leaving a bloody trail behind him. Tied in the chair she listened as he told her everything would be alright and that he would always love her, and she felt herself sob against the constricts of the chair. Vaughn kissed her tenderly as she lay crying on the floor, Lauren who had seemingly grown tired of the image below her rolled her eyes, producing a gun from her belt

"Bored now" she said melodramatically, firing two bullets into Sydney's skull. Vaughn screamed as a fine spray of blood clouded in the air around them, coating Lauren's clothes. Syd watched with repulsion, Lauren kicking Vaughn in the chin as he bent over her own corpse, weeping at the sight before him. He landed on his back with a thud on the floor and Lauren threw her gun across the room. Her knife, now having become a long machete-like weapon, gleamed in her hand as she twizzled it by the handle. Vaughn gasped as she raised it high above her head, two hands gripping it, her knuckles white

"Lauren n-" the axe-like blaze thrashed at Vaughn's body, and Sydney quickly averted her eyes, hot tears stinging her pupils. She heard Vaughn's grunts as Lauren continued to stab him with the metal, and yet she suddenlyappeared inches before her, blood coating her as if a thin layer of perspiration. Out the corner of her eye, Sydney could see Lauren hacking away at Vaughn, the dullness of the blade producing a muted metallic sound. She looked at Lauren who was reaching towards the wound in her stomach, smiling wildly. Sydney felt the effects of the toxin begging to ware off as she moved her arms slightly against her restraints. She cried out in agony, as Lauren began to pull plastic tubing from the open scar of her stomach, blood flowing freely down Sydney's legs. She screamed, arching her back and squeezing her eyes closed. She quickly realised she could no longerfeel pain from Lauren's actions but could still see them through closed eyes. In the distant she heard her taunting her, laughing and jeering, but in the foreground of her mind, she heard a much sweeter sound, one she was more used to. She could feel Vaughn's mouth pressed to her ear, remembering how it felt to have him tell her he loved her. Sydney felt her body becoming less tense, her arms freeing from her bondage; the cold and harsh feel of the chair dissipating. She felt herself being laid down, her body sinking into a soft surface. Vaughn's soothing tone became warmer and closer until she could finally feel his touch against her.

* * *

Vaughn lazily shut the door of the shower allowing the small drops of condensation to fall slothfully to the floor. He grabbed what had now become his towel from the hook on the back of the door trying his shoulders without much concentration. He quickly wrapped the ticklish material around his waist, grabbing his blue toothbrush from the silver cup on the sink. It made a lazily metallic clatter and he silently told it to be quiet- its small complaint irritating him. 

A few minutes later, Vaughn splashed water to his face, its coldness slicing through him; he shivered slightly, goose bumps rising up from the tender and tanned flesh of his arms. He removed the towel replacing it with the fresh pair of grey boxers he had picked up before he entered the now clammy room. There was a tiny snap as he let the elastic of the material spring back to his stomach. Vaughn then grabbed the towel off the floor wiping away the condensation from the mirror with a couple of sweeps. He spotted the scar embedded into his chest-it lay unassuming just under his ribs, its colour contrasting with the tone of his skin. He remembered Sydney's words as she plunged the knife into him, the desire to apologise to her once more overwhelming him. He had betrayed her- he'd been so stupid, so blind.

Vaughn's heart lurched at a sincere and terrifying sound. Sydney's scream reverberated around him, more frightening than anything he had ever known. He desperately clawed at the doorknob, trying to get it open; in his haste his grip slipped, the moisture of the bathroom sticking to him like a glue. He ran to her, falling on his knees at her side; heslid against the carpet,it ripping and burning against his flesh. She was clutching at her scar, her scream piercing into the dark of the room and his heart. He tried to wake her but to no avail, and soon after she began screaming his name. His heart momentarily stopped as her voice ravished a word she usually spoke so sweetly and so often. The way it now clawed from her mouth paralysed him- no longer was she whispering his name into the night, her mouth pressed close to his; now she seemed stuck in some tormenting realm, a blanket of emotional and physical pain smothering her. Her cries and whimpers sucked the light from his soul, causing a sharp pain to stab at his conscious

"Sydney! Sydney?" he tried to keep his voice soothing and calm, but only a frenzied cry emanated from his throat. He began to cry, the feeling of utter helplessness coursing through his body. "Syd...baby, please wake up..." he half sobbed as he sat up on the bed beside her. He tried to prevent her from thrashing as best he could without seeming threatening or forceful. He held her shoulder and her arm against the mattress, trying to distribute the pressure evenly, he only used a fraction of his weight against her, fearful of hurting or scaring her more. They both knew he was stronger than she was, but still her body thrashed against the force he applied. A sharp pain slammed into his brow, as her arm clipped the socket of his eye. Still not letting go of her arm, he pressed a hand to the pain, pressing down on it. Normally he would have hissed at the throbbing sting, but now he simply held her hand brushing the pad of his thumb against her knuckles. "Shhh its ok Syd. Its ok- I'm here now." He whispered to her "No one can hurt you anymore. I'll never let anyone hurt you again, I promise." He brushed the hair from her eyes, observing the way the moisture across her brow had made it stick to her forehead. Her head thrashed from side to side occasionally. For a small while her head was still, and he bent down to place a small chaste kiss to her mouth, a gentle gesture he made every time she slept beside him. To his surprise she returned the kiss, allowing it to become more deep and languid, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him to her. He moved his hand as to gently place his finger tips against her cheek, whilst the other placed upon her hip. Her hand lazily ran down his back, the other resting against his shoulder. Relief swam through him as she moaned into his mouth, a moan he was more used to- at first he thought she had woken, her violent movements stopping, and her screams and gasps subsiding, but this thought was quickly banished as her back arched into the pillow, her mouth leaving his.

She screamed violently, her nails scratching into the tenderness of his back. She began crying, her eyes squeezing tight. She kept repeating the same words, quietly pleading to an unnamed attacker. Vaughn didn't know what to do or what to say. He wasn't sure how to sooth her or wake her from her ordeal. To keep her from thrashing further, he took her by the arm between her wrist and elbows, pinning them more forcefully to the mattress; he bent down and kissed her of the forehead, her heat seeping through him. He then placed his head against her whispering words of comfort and warmth. Gradually her screams subsided, but she still sobbed heavily, crying out every now and then. Sydney still fought against his strength, her shoulders leaving the softness of the mattress every few seconds. Vaughn brushed his thumb against the softness of her skin, communicating how he was not a threat; he squeezed his eyes shut as she cried out his name as if in mourning- it was a painful noise he was more than familiar with, for an identical tone had escaped him many times after he had lost her. Vaughn tried his best to be strong for her, to keep calm and to mouth words of comfort to her, but a small sob emanated from him. It was quickly followed by another and then another; the silent shaking of his body accompanied by slowly cascading tears. She was quiet for a while, only crying now. He removed his right hand from her wrists to stroke her cheek, discovering too many tears to absently brush away. Still dreaming, she softly snaked her hand around his lower back, pulling him towards her gently. He wasn't sure whether to get any closer to her in case she felt smothered, but the urgency and sadness of her movements and the beginning of louder sobbing caused him to move.

Never breaking contact with her, he carefully straddled her, allowing his hand to return to her wrist as her actions became wilder once again. Child like wails leaked from her, and her chest began to convulse with emotion. "Shhh baby, it's ok. I promise its ok. I'm here Sydney. You're guardian angel is here- no one can do anything when I'm here and I will never leave you again" his voice broke slightly "I promise I'll always be here. I'll love you forever Syd. Just please wake up for me Syd. Please Sydney. I need you to wake up for me." He felt her chest rise and fall against his, his forehead still pressed against hers gently. Tears slipped from his close eyes, falling into the empty darkness of the room. With a small and final cry she woke suddenly; she was still for a second, silence overcoming her.

"V-Vaughn..." she sobbed, throwing her arms around his neck. Her body shook against him as she cried into the crook of his neck, the sound purer and less disorientated than before. He nestled into her shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut; he opened his eyes again,looking up to the ceiling momentarily trying to control his emotions as he pressed his hand to her back. Vaughn's left arm supported them both- Syd's back off the mattress, her chest pressed to his. He slowly lowered her, again taking care as not to break their contact. He carefully lay her down, letting her body gently press down on top of her "Shhh. Its ok now" he murmured, caressing the base of her neck with his thumb and pressing a kiss to her cheek. Sydney turned her head towards him as his mouth left her, their lips a breath apart. She leant upwards slightly, desperate for his contact. Their kiss was similar to before, slow yet dark, the caring sensuality of the relationship reflected in the caress of their tongues. Tears still flowing, she moaned once again into his mouth as he carefully moved onto his back, bringing her with him. He broke the kiss sweetly, gently brushing his nose against hers; with onehand he pulled the sheets over them both, the other still stoking her warm skin. She was saddened when she noticed the moisture of tears on his cheeks, and she let her thumb glide across his cheekbone.

She moved her hips off him so they rested to his side, coiling her legs with his. He held her close to him as she continued to cry softly, and he pressed another kiss to her crown.

"I love you," she murmured against him

"I love you" he stated softly his voice cracking

"Let me fall asleep with you inside me" she whispered to his ear

"Are you sure?" he responded tentatively, but the only response he got was a slow languorous kiss. She pulled him on top of her, moaning at the comfortable pressure his body created atop of hers. He broke the kiss, looking her in the eyes to verify she was sure- she smiled, the fear and pain of her dream still evident in her eyes. He slowly and gently plunged into her, the tenderness of his actions overwhelming her. She moaned softly as he entered her, his soft sigh against her neck making her smile. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and once more rolled onto his back allowing his legs to tangle with hers. She groaned at the friction his movement caused and snuggled against the warmth of his bare chest. She curled up against him, placing her head on his chest under his chin; in a few minutes they had fallen asleep. They both knew they had to a lot of talking to do, about what had just happened and other things, but for now they were both content to stay like this for a while, getting over the sorrow of the past eleven months before being ready to discuss it openly. Happily, Sydney realised the angry nightmares she had been haunted by so many nights after her return would soon disappear, her loneliness dissipating the moment he had kissed her on her doorstep a week ago. And even if they didn't leave her, she mused, she would have Vaughn to drive away her demons, to comfort her into the night, his calming words and touch the only thing to break through the barrier of her anguished subconscious. They were closer now than they had ever been, their relationship deeper and more serious than either could ever have predicted, and their love-unbreakable.

* * *

**Phew, ok. Dying to know what you thought of it. Please let me know. Thanks for reading and sorry about the long gap. Hope you had a fantastic christmas and new years! I've just realised I have an AS exam in er...12 hours which i should be revising for. Hope it was ok. love you all- love dani xxx**


	15. That morning after thing

I unfortunately do not own Alias (sniffle)

Thank you so much to those still reviwing and reading. Its very much appreciated- believe me. This is a relatively short chapter and i've just realised this is gonna be an epic fic (ie very long and fluffy) so keep reading! Thank you so much and enjoy- dani xxx

* * *

Vaughn woke to a placid silence; he frowned, peering over his shoulder to see a vacant white space beside him. His body was exposed to the cool air of the room, the warmth of the sheet now a gift to the floor. For just a second he thought she was gone- that she was still dead and he was still alone, drowning in his own sorrow. He shivered violently, tilting his head to the left, searching the bathroom for any signs of her- there were none. He smiled at the reassuringsensation of a familiar vanilla scent stroked him. Henoticed the sporadic collection of candles and perfume littered over her dresser, and the clothes strewn tiredly over the floor. He saw a wooden frame in which a picture of Jack sat quietly, staring into his subconcious. He also noticedthe shelf especially for Francie, an attractive photo of her surrounded by tea lights and small memoirs she had received from Will, her own destroyed in the fire. 

He got out of bed slowly, the cold soaking his body. Grabbing a t-shirt from what had quickly become his white corner chair, he stepped towards her dresser, glancing at its femininity with a smile. There was a round antique silver trinket box he cautiously removed the lid of; it made a small welcoming ting as the top bashed its sides, its carved shining patterns gleaming in the husky bedroom glow. He replaced the lid of the round container, stepping to his left to study the also antique perfume bottles, their detailed cork-like silver lids matching the pattern of the trinket box. With care, Vaughn picked up one of the tear-shaped glass bottles, turning it gently in his hands. The thin transparent shell felt delicate and ached with a history it longed to share. Slowly, he returned it to its place beside the small collection of different sized and shaped bottles and the attractive collection of makeup she owned.

He turned to leave but a flirtation of cream caught his eye; there, sitting quietly around the neck of one of the engraved glass bottles was a cream ribbon from which hung a small silver charm; he frowned immediately recognising it as a friendship charm. The silver jagged edge of the broken heartcontrasted against the gentle patterned curve of the ouside, the middle shyly reading 'friends'. He sighed sadly, letting the metal fall from his fingers and chime against the glass. His head turned towards the bedroom door at the unique clinking sound of coffee cups from the kitchen.

Sydney hummed a nameless tune as she expertly moved her way around her kitchen. She thought how strange it was that less than a week ago, it was just simply a kitchen, but now, it was her kitchen, in her home. Home. Such a funny word- to some in can mean everything, to others, so little; a meaningless sound that falls from one's mouth in everyday conversation. Until Will and Francie, she'd never had a home to speak of. She had a beautiful house of course, beautiful clothes, beautiful toys- she never wanted for anything and she was truly grateful for that, but even as an infant she always seemed to pick up on the nagging emptiness of the possessions, never able to identify the sadness her gifts seemed to be wrapped in.

She drummed her fingers on the wooden kitchen surface digging her thumb into her neck as she rolled her head in a circle. The kettle whined at her and the small plastic button clicked to let her know it was ready to be emptied. She complied allowing the scolding water to fall onto the grains of coffee, giving the cups a small stir. She still hummed, her hips swaying in time to a rhythm-less song. She grabbed the milk carton, which sat to her left pouring it into the mugs and adding a teaspoon of sugar to her own. She gave them another stir reaching for her toast as she leaned to replace the sugar container. She groped at the plate with a frown, turning her head to see it empty. She spun round to see Vaughn inches away from her, leaning against the fridge biting into her missing toast. He chewed it slowly, their eyes locking until he swallowed it with a cheeky smile. Undeterred, she leant forwards to kiss him, their lips crushing in a quiet morning greeting. Sydney leant back against the worktop picking up her mug of coffee and bringing it to her lips with a blow. Her cautious exhale into the mug rattled a hollow sound as they continued to look at each other, silent flirtatious banter running between them. There was quiet for a while.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked gently, bringing the buttered toast he had adopted to her lips. She took a bite shaking her head. He nodded in understanding, a mixture of his own experiences and the still present look of fragility hiding in her eyes reminding him not to push. He leant towards her, kissing her forehead; he didn't see her close her eyes at his touch, his tenderness making her shiver. As he pulled away she placed her hand to the nape of his neck pulling his mouth towards hers. They spent a small while lost in a gentle kiss until she grabbed the toast from his hands, slipping from his grasp and out of the kitchen.

"Hey!" he quietly exclaimed with a smile

"My toast" she chimed, taking a bite of the buttered bread playfully walking backwards away from him. He happily followed her lead, slowly walking towards her, stalking both her and her breakfast

"My Toast"

"Make your own toast"

"But I like your toast"

"Tough...toast" he laughed at her comment, falling in love with her goofiness. She mockingly bit into it, stifling a smile as he cocked his eyebrow at her pleasured humming "This really is good toast..." she whispered, indicating the bread with a small flick. Her eyes widened as she realised what he was going to do, a small shriek filling the hollow of her mouth. He advanced towards her, but she darted from his reach, dashing around the couch. They giggled as they moved expertly around her living room, but he was too quick for her, grabbing her waist andfalling onto the couch bringing her down on top of him. She giggled, her back contracting against his stomach as she laughed. He took a bite of the toast still held between her fingers

"See" he said once he had finished off his bite, "That wasn't so hard was it?"

"You know," she breathed, "If you'd just asked me, I would have gladly shared"

"Yes but this way is much more fun" he said kissing her neck. She sighed, subconsciously pressing her body into his. He placed his hands on her hips, the tips of his fingers dusting against her firm stomach. She groaned as he continued to kiss her neck and throat, occasionally nipping at her jaw. Sydney's arm bent up behind her, her hand tangling in his hair, pulling against it lightly. Her other arm hung over the edge of the couch, as distractedly she dropped the buttered toast onto the floor. He gently turned her around to face him, her stomach pressing against his. He kissed her neck and jaw carefully, his teasing movements slowly blending into a long, velvet kiss they both shared. There was nothing overly lustful about the kiss, but its deep passion was intense and stimulating. They moaned into each other as a shrill noise shattered the ravenous placidity of the moment. The pairlooked each other for a second

"Okay first of all, we're getting a new phone," Vaughn said with mock sincerity. Sydney laughed at his words and his ability to always manage to make her smile at exactly the right times. She leaned towards the table next to the couch, her long feline-like stretch causing her stomach to hover above Vaughn's head. He smiled slightly craning his neck backwards to look at her for a second; he again placed his hands against the dip of her hips, stopping momentarily to tie up the bow of her pyjama bottoms that had come undone from the friction of their movements. He placed a kiss against her stomach, the gesture causing her voice to waver slightly as she answered.

"Hello?" she said somewhat drowsily, the intoxicating nature of his touch causing her world to blur out of focus

"Hey Syd! How's my favourite girl doing?"

"Eric, hey!" she said happily looking down at Vaughn momentarily. They shared a humoured look admiring their good friend's timing

"Are you busy? You sound a little...distracted. Mike's not there is he?"

"Er no I haven't seen him" she said looking down at Vaughn

"You're in bed with him right now aren't you?"

"I'm trying" she quipped. To Sydney's confusion Vaughn let out a short blast of laughter, recognising the conversation.

"Yeah ok, so that was subtle" Eric joked about Vaughn's laugh "Put him on" Sydney complied with a contented sigh handing the phone to Vaughn, slinking her body between him and the back of the couch. He moved for her as he spoke, wrapping his arm around her, allowing her to rest her head on his chest. She felt as his words reverberated in his chest, his heart providing a steady and comforting rhythm.

"Eric?"

"Hello? Wha-who's that? It sounds a bit like someone I used to know, this guy who was my best friend and lived at my house for a while. I didn't know where he went- I mean, I rang, I left messages, I wrote a poem...I put his picture on the side of a milk carton, but alas he just disappeared. You know... I always wondered what happened to him" Eric said with mock sadness

"That's cute Eric. Did you prepare that or were the hints of spontaneity real?"

"Oh no they were real" Eric said with a sigh, adding dramatically "I speak straight from my heart- my empty broken heart" Vaughn laughed at his friend

"We need to find Eric a girl" Vaughn joked to Sydney who chuckled lightly, her eyes closed against the warmth of his chest

"Agreed"

"Hey I heard that! Seriously though man, I take it thinks are going ridiculously well in the Sydney/Vaughn camp?"

"Er..." Vaughn started, the comfortable pressure against his chest reminding him of Syd's presence

"Oh right yeah, Syd right there... well I'll be here until eight if you want to come over, I'm more than positive you must be running out of clothes by now"

"Where you going at eight? You're not seeing that Anna girl that you met at the bar the other week are you 'cause that pick up line was just disastrous-"

"Well I'm sorry if unlike you I actually have to use pickup lines in the first place-" Vaughn began to protest as he always did when someone implied he was attractive- similar to Sydney, he was way too self-critical and modest for his own good

"-And no I'm not seeing a girl, I have to work- unlike you two some of us aren't lucky enough to be given weekends off"

"Ah well you've got me there" Vaughn said looking down and stroking Sydney's hair. She smiled sleepy, her eyes still closed, leaning into his hand.

"So you'll come round later? I think Donny misses you"

"Eric, by Donny do you mean you?" Vaughn ribbed

"Funny. See you man"

"Yeah bye" he bent his arm back replacing the phone to its holder. It made a courteous beep as he groaned at the protest of his muscles. Clearly not being in the field at least once a week was taking its toll on his usually exhausted body, some of his muscles becoming stiff through a lack of use. "Syd?" he whispered not sure if she was asleep. A small murmur escaped her as she snuggled into the crook of his neck further. Vaughn circled his arm around her waist, resting his cheek against her hair. He felt his eyes flutter close, an easy sleep overcoming him.

* * *

Sydney slowly opened her eyes, disorientated as to where she was. She frowned adjusting her head to get a better view of her surroundings 

"Morning..." said a gentle voice. She smiled and closed her eyes, a wave of adrenaline flitting through her stomach at the sound of his voice. "...again" she sighed a laugh tilting her head towards him. They shared a sweet and innocent kiss. her drousy state reflected in her actions. He mirrored her tenderness.

"How long-"

"-Were we asleep for?" he finished for her"About an hour" he didn't tell he'd been asleep for about half of that, the rest of her slumber spent studying her delicate beauty. "Hey um, I think Eric raised a good point- I'm running out of clothes and stuff and I need to get some more from his and from storage, and I think my dog's feeling neglected. Plus I'm sure you're getting sick of me already..." he joked quietly,nervous of her answer

"Vaughn" She said turning to lie on her stomach again " I need you- you have to know that. You're my oxygen, I don't operate without you; believe we when I say that without you I'm a shadow- I barely exist. I can never get enough of you- you know that" She kissed him gently, emphasising her point, and filling him with a modest confidence.

"I love you," he whispered

"I love you" she spoke, matching his hushed tone. She grazed her nose against hisand they kissed again, this time for longer than before; to her delight the tips of his fingers slipped under the hem of her top, teasing her with his touch. He broke their contact with a slight hum, licking his bottom lip, his eyes closed

"I should go," she groaned slightly at his words, not wanting him to leave her

"Okay" she nodded gently "I think while you're out I'll go shopping- I need to pick up some things"

"Hmm" he hummed inquisitively "Anything I might like to know about?" she giggled quietly

"Maybe" she flirted, kissing him playfully

"I look forward to it," he laughed into their kiss

A small while later, Vaughn stood in Sydney's room getting dressed after his shower. Sydney, after tidying both the kitchen and the living room sat on her bed observing his actions. Vaughn watched her study of him, their eyes connecting every one in a while as if previously rehearsed. Syd bit her lip trying to ignore the fact he was stood half naked in front of her, the toned contours of his chest and stomach making her blush. She felt very warm all of a sudden, his innocent movements flooding her mind with impure memories, images and thoughts.

Vaughn himself was finding it hard to concentrate on the simple task of dressing. He tried not to notice the hug of the top she wore and the manner by which it accentuated her toned feminine curves of her waist and the gentle swell of her breasts. The smooth outline of her legs caused him to swallow, and he stared at the headboard behind her for a few moments in an attempt to compose himself. He allowed his eyes to drift back to hers for a second, green once more clashing with chocolate. Vaughn lowered his arms to his side after buttoning up his jeans; the couple were still for a moment, their tender hunger growing as each agonising second passed.

"What difference will an hour make?" he asked quickly moving towards her, dropping his t-shirt on the floor. He bent down to her, their lips and tongues clashing in a soft passionate crush . At the same time he placed a knee on the mattress between her legs as she hummed a brief response to a question, willingly accepting his touch. He followed her cue as she leant back against the bed, his body pressing itself against hers. Vaughn smiled as she brushed her hands against his back, momentarily forgetting the fact he was already half undressed. They quickly became lost in each other; time lazily slipping by as the glorious circle started all over again. After all, what difference could an hour make to people to whom time only consisted of each other?

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Thank you for reading this. Please please review... love danielle xxx 


	16. The first hurdle

Thank you to all who read and to everyone who has reviewed **Vaughn is hot, Nakita** (welcome newbie! thanks and keep reading xx) **freelancer-babe, Caroline, alias-sydney93001, daisyduke947, katejones2005, sydofthesea, srrr, Tine, Ancient Galaxy, mila-uri113, b, vaughnbear, moni, jamie, syd-mike-4ever, Raina Elizibeth, Sarah, agent boucle d'or** (and your friends too!)** Kyyra, sa, meow, kniki, luiza, maggieann452, princess box, T, a, piglet, fay, sydney anne derevko bristow vaughn (project s.a.d.b.v. 47) b.a.d. v.s.???, aly, mrs. michael vartan, fair cate, AFan17, sydneyvaughn, sark it sexy, sarKISSexy, bristow, boyscoutswoman, MB138, agentbristows, Catherine, Suzanne, supergirl14, Mila, Vaughn4ever, and anma27.** Phew. Wowso Ithink that's everyone. I doubt all you guys are still reading, but regardless of that thank you to every single one of you. To those still reading thanks for sticking around and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do not own alias

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They young couple stood at the door kissing tenderly; she grasped at his sweater, not wanting him to leave. He gently stroked her jaw with his thumb, his fingers intertwined with her hair. Vaughn pressed his lips to Sydney's trying to imprint the feel of her silken lips on his. They broke away a few seconds later

"Ugh this is ridiculous-you're going for a couple of hours not months" Sydney chastised still grasping his top as she kissed him again

"You're right. Its not like we haven't spent time apart before? Is it?" he asked kissing her once more

"You should go"

"I should go" they kissed again

"I don't want you to go"

"I don't want me to go either"

"This is stupid!" she almost yelled, pressing her palms to her eyes

"I know...I'll be back from storage in like three hours..."

"I know!" she laughed. They kissed once more breaking apart and resting their heads together. Vaughn hissed quietly causing Sydney to break their contact and frown at the pained whisper. "What?" she asked quietly

"No. Its nothing" he smiled

"Vaughn..." she softly demanded, silently asking him to tell her. Concern seeped through her words and reflected warmly in the tenderness of her actions

"Syd, I told you its nothing-"

"-Is that a bruise?" she asked quietly, gently pressing her thumb to the curve of his eye. She carefully compressed the pad of her thumb against the bone of his brow. Again he hissed, making a small jerked movement away from her. He softly held her wrist, her fingers now inches from his face

"Look I told you it's nothing-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think it was important," he said, raising his voice slightly. There was silence for a few seconds until she realised

"It was me. Wasn't it?" she frowned and looked at the floor guiltily

"Syd..." he sighed before he continued, "You were asleep and you were having a bad dream- it's not like you did it on purpose"

"But why didn't you tell me?" she interjected over his words, repeating her previous query

"Because it doesn't matter, and I knew you'd beat yourself up about it. Besides, I forgot." He looked at her distressed expression; tilting his head slightly "You can't seriously be blaming yourself"

Sydney didn't give any verbal response, just simply exhaled a breath and looked to the floor. "Although," he began "I did pass out...I mean, I was unconscious for like an hour" he sulked, a hint of distain in his voice

Her head snapped up, a distressed and guilty frown etched into her features. It dissolved seconds later as she saw the smile on his face.

"You bastard!" she shouted laughing with him. "I thought you were serious!"

"I thank you" he bowed happy the mood had been lightened. She scoffed and rolled her eyes at him and he kissed her gently as an apology for his trick, resisting the urge to nip at her bottom lip. They looked at each other for a moment, their arms circled around each other; a still silence embraced them.

"Hey," She quietly said, shyly avoiding his gaze, "I was thinking. All this running from place to place to shower or- or to get stuff...maybe you could, I don't know...leave some of it here...?" she nervously bit her lip, worried about his reaction. She finally plucked up the courage to look into that green that she craved

"Seriously?" he asked quietly, lowering his head to hers. An overjoyed smile tinged his words and he brushed his nose again hers

"Seriously"

"I'd love to" he laughed tilting his head and bringing his lips to hers. Sydney leant in closing the small gap between them, grazing her nose against his, and languidly brushed their lips together. She enjoyed the pressured crush of his mouth on hers, and readily allowed his tongue to dual with hers. She didn't mean for the hum to bubble from her throat and for him to once again realise the effect he always seemed to have on her, but secretly she knew he always did. They broke apart several minutes later, a gentle buzz coursing through their bodies. He licked his lips and swallowed and she distractedly pressed her top lip to her swollen bottom one.

"We're gonna live together..." he whispered incredulously after a few seconds of contemplation, tucking her hair behind her ear

"We're gonna live together" she repeated happily in an equalled volume "I love you Micheal" she whispered tenderly

"I love you too"

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She walked around the mall, a mental list reverberating through her mind. Sydney had allocated herself tasks, and attempted to remember all the items she wanted to purchase, but found it hard to concentrate. She tried not to think about the fact she had been apart from Vaughn for nearly five hours, and about how she hadn't felt the warmth of his embrace for 298 minutes, nor did she want to contemplate the fact she hadn't tasted his kiss for 178,880 seconds. She tired not to notice the familiar coldness her body felt in his absence and the way she feared that he would not be there when she went home; that this was some desperate fantasy- her subconscious clutching at treasured memories, exploiting her frantic longings and overwhelming previous loneliness. 

She sat on a bench, lazily licking an ice cream. Carefully, she stretched her legs out before her, pointing her toes and rotating her ankles as if in some last attempt to drain the burning ache from the balls of her feet. As far back as she could remember Sydney had never really been a fan of shopping, always preferring running around the garden to the mall. In her early adolescence she climbed trees while the other girls climbed escalators, always preferring books to magazines and finding fights with toy swords much more enthralling than those with pillows. She wasn't lacking in any traces of femininity of course, not by a long shot. She happily held slumber parties, gladly wearing dresses when her father came home at the occasional weekend, and she enjoyed baking with her friends whose mothers helped with the frosting, momentarily filling an empty void.

No. The busy swarming masses of corporate drowned crowds were not her scene at all; nor was fighting through stores going in what seemed to be the wrong direction in one-way traffic. She loved the mall for those much cherished memories of Francie and Will and other friends she had lost contact with over the years and she adored the fact that when she walked through the men's department she could analyse the way a sweater she passed would look on him without feeling guilty. And she liked that she could sit on a bench and eat an ice cream, watching the world obliviously screech by, full of normal people with their normal lives, completely unaware of her busy existence.

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He took a long sip of beer from the cold glass bottle, peering out of the window on his left to see if she was home yet. He missed her terribly, each of his senses craving her. Most of the belongings he had wanted from storage were now waiting in his car parked outside Eric's; the other items were sitting on the floor in a box at his feet. Stupidly, he hadn't taken a key with him, on the other hand he mused, he hadn't been given one either. 

"She's still not home," Eric said knowingly as Vaughn stretched to look out the window; his eyes never left the television screen as he spoke. Vaughn nearly laughed as his friend's comment.

"She asked me to move in," he said happily, turning to Weiss; Eric looked at him for a second

"Oh. Wow. That's. That's great"

"That wasn't the response I was hoping for" he said honestly

"Oh! No. Mike, I think its great, I'm happy for you too. I really am. It's just-"

"It's just what?" Vaughn asked, trying not to get annoyed

"Nothing" Eric dismissed, shaking his head

"Eric..." Vaughn warned

"You're not going to like what I have to say"

"Weiss" Vaughn half exclaimed in a mixture of frustration and curiosity

"I just... I think it's too early. I mean, aren't you guys moving a little fast? I mean it's great that all's happy and pretty in Mike and Sydney land, but your wife" he said putting emphasis on the word "died three months ago, and now your moving in with a woman you- you haven't dated in nearly three years? She's changed. You've changed. I just think you need to work through some things before you commit so seriously. I mean this is a big step Mike. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"You're right" Vaughn said as he stood, "I don't like what you have to say. I thought you of all people would be happy for us; you were the one that convinced me to ask her out in the first place both times! Who the hell do you think you are telling me how Sydney and I should act? You don't know anything!"

"Vaughn..." Eric also stood

"No! Syd and I are more than ready for this- we've been ready for this for three years!

"I understand that!" Eric shouted back "But you can't possibly be thinking about living together before you've even discussed the last few years! A lot has happened Mike- stuff she needs to know about, things you need to hear. You've been bottling up emotions for a long time and you need to get them out- you haven't even talked about Lauren!"

"We don't need to talk about Lauren!" Vaughn yelled

"No Mike. You don't WANT to talk about Lauren. That's not the same. Sydney needs to hear about the woman you let replace her for two years: the woman you were married to. You can't even talk about her without getting angry- how do you expect to get closure? Heaven forbid if Syd should ever want closure!"

"You're so full of it Weiss!"

"Oh yeah, I'm full of it. You can't brush things under the carpet like this Mike. You did that before remember? Remember how that one turned out?"

"Who are you to judge Weiss? You're longest relationship lasted two months. You know nothing of what it takes to sustain an adult relationship."

Eric scoffed angrily, shaking his head with a furious and unbelieving smile "Well this is certainly been a rude awakening" he said calmly, distain dripping from his words. Vaughn angrily grabbed his jacket. "I suggest you put back on your rose coloured glasses go back to cloud nine over there." He said aggressively pushing the box over to Vaughn with his foot "I hear the weather's great this time of year in cloud cuckoo land..."

"You're pathetic" Vaughn said bitterly as he opened the door

"Clearly, I'm not alone in that"

"I'm sorry I ever bothered to tell you"

"And I'm sorry some people can't bear to hear the truth!" Eric shouted over the angry wooden slam of his front door as he stepped towards it. He was still for a second, only the sound of his heavy breathing filling the room. He aggressively kicked over the umbrella stand, his short angry yell combining with a clatter as it fell to the floor.

Vaughn opened the door slamming it behind him. He dropped the box onto the floor and closed his eyes, breathing heavily until a shy pretty voice filled the room. In his rage he hadn't realised the door had been unlocked, and his eyes gently opened as he turned around to face her

"Hey..." she gently smiled. He exhaled; the smile he felt was genuine, however the one produced seemed slightly forced. He quickly moved into the living room, placing his arm around her waist as his hand behind her neck as he kissed her; it was deeper than both of them had been expecting, the force and darkness of his actions making her tremble slightly. They broke apart a minute or so later, her lips pink and swollen. The pair swallowed hard

"I missed you..." he whispered, his eyes dusting over her features. He pushed aside the raging storm he felt circling inside him, seeing only her and her beauty and feeling the pounding of his heart: a result of their contact. He grazed the back of his fingers against her cheek and she smiled fondly at his words "Do anything interesting today?" he whispered distractedly pressing gentle kisses to her lips. She hummed a 'yeah' in response, unable to process any worded response

"Did some shopping" she said a few moments later "had an ice cream. Missed you to the point of heart-break..." she said fiddling with the hem of the neck of his sweater

"Shopping and ice cream come before me?" he joked tilting his head for another kiss

"Of course" she laughed accepting his loving gestures. She headed for the kitchen to unpack her things leaving him momentarily with his angry solitude. He licked his lips and sighed, closing his eyes again briefly. He felt the anger returning in her absence, her presence to longer there to suppress the livid burning inside him. How dare Weiss think that? Who did he think he was? He knew nothing of how hey felt towards each other and the emotion they had withstood being apart.

"What's up?" Sydney asked as she unpacked her small food shop, haphazardly depositing items in drawers and cupboards, allowing the fridge to lazily swing shut every time she let go of the cool handle

"Nothing" he said colder than he meant for it to be. She didn't pick up on his tone, her actions distracting her

"Oh come on" she laughed "Don't try that with me, there's got to be something wr-"

"I said it's nothing Sydney!" he shouted furiously, turning his head towards her but never allowing their eyes to connect. They were both shocked by his seemingly sudden explosion. She carefully placed the can in her hand on the counter, averting her eyes to the floor. She opened her mouth ever so slightly as if to speak but closed it again, exhaling a confused and saddened sigh. He felt terrible for his outburst, knowing that he'd upset her; of all the people to get angry at, she was the one person he didn't want it to be. He didn't want to push her away, to alienate her. He squeezed his eyes shut and stood, turning to face her. She looked up a few seconds later and they locked eyes: guilty jade locking with startled chocolate. He was frowning worriedly, her eyes practically devoid of emotion; to him this was scarier-her face showing no anger or fear, no grief or upset. Vaughn wanted her to be angry with him to hate him for how he'd treated her for three years. He wanted her to hate him for shouting at her for to what her must have seemed no reason at all. He wanted her to shout at him in retaliation, to hit him for being so tender one minute and so negative the next. He wanted her to do something- anything, anything but stand still and look back at him. There was a long silence, more painful than either had ever experienced until she looked down at the floor momentarily and finally spoke

"I bought you a new sweater," she said. Her eyes met his again she continued to speak "It's blue. I though you might want another one-"

"Syd..."

"-as I seem to have adopted your other blue one"

He had never spoken like that before and she never thought he would. It had scared her and she was unsure how to react or what to say. She felt a gnawing sensation in the base of her throat, as if someone had made her swallow a marble. She once more averted her eyes from his not wanting to see the look of puppy dog guilt any more. She felt the anger slowly overtaking the sadness quickly becoming furious at him and his words but also for the lack of her own. Her actions gradually became more violent as she started to slam the cupboard doors after placing objects within them, almost throwing cartons and bottles into the fridge. He flinched slightly as her purchases made unappreciative clatters, the doors creaking boisterously from her aggressive movements. She continued to talk "I also bought you a new belt- I think we broke the last one-"

"Syd" he injected again, this time louder than before. She still ignored him, speaking continuously about nothing as he moved closer.

"-and I didn't know what beer you preferred so I got two different types," she said as he rounded the corner of the counter and stepped into the kitchen "Oh. And I thought I could cook us an actual proper dinner tonight which we could actually eat for a change-"

"Sydney" he said carefully taking hold of her wrists. She stood still facing him, her eye line at his chest. She looked up at him for a few seconds and he studied her almost empty face; there was a momentary silence until she jerked one of her wrists from his grasp, slapping him round the face. There was silence. He closed his eyes, slightly shifting his lower jaw assessing the burning sting of his flesh. He could hear her angry breathing, and looked into her scorching eyes. He produced two small nods telling her how he new he deserved that and looked down at the floor; for no particular reason scratched his nose once with the knuckle of his finger

She stepped away from him and continued to unpack the last remaining items of her shop. She left the kitchen and proceeded to the bedroom, picking up some bags from the couch en route. "Syd" He walked behind her "Can we at least talk about what just happened?" they entered her bedroom

"I don't want to talk about it"

"Jesus, we can't just brush everything under the carpet!" he said loudly trying to ignore the fact Eric had been right

"What is there to say Vaughn? Tell me!" she turned to face him "What could we possibly have to say to each other that's so important?"

"I don't want to live with you," he said suddenly. He immediately regretted his words, the pain she showed making his chest ache a little. She stood still and nodded slightly before brushing past him leaving the room "Syd wait. That didn't come out right!" he said following her out

"Oh yeah and how was it meant to sound Vaughn, because the message seems pretty clear to me!" she asked angrily turning to face him again

"I...its just" he ran his hand over his face "I just think maybe its too early: we can't just pick up where we left off- we need to think about this really seriously. There are things we haven't even discussed yet that we need to talk about, like-"

"Like what?"

"Well the last three years for a start!"

"Ok fine! You want to talk let's talk. When you came to me in Hong Kong in that place, all I wanted was for you to tell me that you loved me and that everything would be ok. But you broke my heart Vaughn- you destroyed me" she said her voice breaking slightly. "Of all the people I thought would hurt me... I thought it would always be you that would be there to save me from the seemingly endless pain in my life, but clearly I was wrong-" Vaughn went to interrupt her "Yes I know, I know! You though I was dead, you buried me. Whatever. The point is the Vaughn I knew would never have given up until he found the truth, until he rescued me. I once called you my guardian angel, but I must have been wrong"

"Sydney please" he said, emotion evident in his voice

"You know, I went to you. In my missing two years"

"What?" he asked incredulously, feeling as if a knife had been plunged into his subconscious.

"Yeah" she almost laughed, "Kendall told me. I went to see you, to tell you I was alive, but I saw you with Lauren. I don't even want to imagine how that must have felt, and I don't know if I stayed away because I knew she was covenant and didn't want to risk your or my safety, or- or because I knew you'd moved on"

"I never moved on Sydney" he said, angry at the way she was making him feel

"Well that's not what it looked like for the past two years!" She shouted in retaliation "Do you have any idea how it felt to see you kiss or hold her? To see you talking in secluded little corners the way we used to? Every day I would wake up and feel cold sheets wrapped around me in an empty house devoid of life. No one to say good morning to, to make me coffee" a tear escaped her "No one to ask me how my day was when I got home or to eat dinner with."

Vaughn had never felt to low in his life. He realised he hadn't been the only one to bottle things up and he remembered all the many ways he had hurt her. At that moment the hate he felt for himself was more intense for any he had felt before; more than with Irina, more than with Lauren. She saw him trying to keep his emotions in check, and the remorse swimming around in him

"It was not my intention to make you feel guilty- to tell you all this in this way. But you're right; I can't hold these things in. Not anymore"

"Are you finished?" he asked trying not to be angry with her for things he knew she was right in saying. She didn't respond "Fine. Well. Let me put this is perspective for you. I understand that you felt betrayed- I'm not blaming you for that, but consider things from my point of view for just a second" she opened her mouth to reply but he stopped her "Imagine that you were never taken from me, that you weren't forced into a double agent status again. Imagine you and I had married the way I know we both thought we were going to and we living the life we had always wanted. How would you feel if you got a call one day completely out of nowhere saying 'Hey! You know that guy you were in love with- the one you wanted to marry? Well he's not dead after all, and he wants you to tell him that everything's ok, that he hasn't been dead to you for two years and that you still love him exactly as you did and you haven't just started to get over the loss of his existence'. Try finding a way of telling him that you're happily married and supposedly in love with someone else and that-"

"You don't regret moving on with your life?" she angrily finished for him

"You have to know that I never meant that"

"Well it sure sounded like you did!"

"Didn't it ever occur to you that maybe that was my way of convincing myself that I was right not to move on? Of suppressing the gnawing feeling I felt every second of those two pathetic years? When I started dating her-"

"When you were dating whom sorry?" she asked innocently knowing he hated saying her name. He sighed realising the sadistic little game she was playing

"Lauren. When I dated Lauren, we both then knew what it felt like to be a rebound"

"What?" she whispered, another tear escaping her. He pressed his palms to his eyes, not wanting to tell her what he was about to

"It doesn't matter..." he started quietly shaking his head

"Please tell me," she pleaded softly, the tears coming more steadily now

"I don't know what you had with Danny but after you died and maybe before, it always nagged me at the back of my mind..."

"What did Vaughn? I-please tell me" she stepped towards him. There was a small pause

"We both knew that if Danny hadn't have died we never would have met." She nodded and he continued "And you would be married and we- we never would have fallen in love. But after you were gone, I always feared, and I guess eventually convinced myself that I was just a rebound guy, that I somehow meant less to you than you did to me." He saw her forehead crease in sorrow as he spoke. His voice broke with sadness "I am so sorry for ever thinking that Sydney, that- that I was angry at you after you died. I think it was just my way of helping myself to get over you. In my mind you loved me less than you did Danny, and I always knew Lauren was aware that I would never love her in the same way I did you. So we sort of had this obscure twisted connection. It's, I-" he wasn't sure how to finish

"There's one flaw in your argument Vaughn," she said, emotion hacking into her voice at the sound of his name "I loved you so much more"

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Thank you for reading this chapter. Please review! 


	17. On the Home Stretch

Thank you to **Charlotte, alias-sydney93001, Fair Cate, Sydofthesea, Tine**, and **s** for your kind kind kind reviews and **s for your wonderful suggestion**. Thanks for reading and reviewing-as a thank you I just wrote and posted this new chapter!Love you all -dani xxx

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He was still. His mouth opened slightly; how was he meant to respond to that? Truthfully he supposed 

"Sydney" he whispered starting towards her. She just shook her head and looked at the floor, closing her eyes as she felt the fresh sting of new tears. She placed her hand to her mouth. Vaughn gently placed his hands around her shoulders, urging her to look at him

"Please don't ever doubt how much I love you. There was never a point I stopped being in love with you- that I can promise you. After I thought you'd died, I was broken, I felt as if I was dead and was walking around in some dark empty cavity. I hated knowing that I loved you with an intensity I would never begin to feel for her, an we were...we were married Sydney. Please don't ever think that I loved her as much I did you- never for a second did she even come close. I felt more for you just as a friend than I did for her as a wife- I mean, how screwed up is that? I am so in love with you sometimes I fear it isn't real- that I'm lying in a coma somewhere dreaming up some fantasy to take away the pain of being alone." He placed a shaking hand to her face, brushing his thumb across her cheekbone "I am so sorry I hurt you," he said, his voice trembling, threatening to break. She sobbed quietly as he spoke "And I swear, I will spend my entire existence making it up to you- loving you. I will never hurt you again. I'll never betray you again. I will never abandon you like" he swallowed, struggling to say it "before. I will always be your guardian angel. And I will always be that guy from the warehouse- your confident and your ally. Your friend." His chest shuddered once in a lone sob- the only one that would escape that evening

"Oh Vaughn..." she began, not knowing how to speak anymore "I love you so much" she whispered running her fingers through his hair once and stroking his face with the back of her hand softly. "I know you mean what you say, and I want to believe you, it's just- I - I trust you with my life, I always have. And I want to be able to- to trust you with my heart again. But I don't know if I can. Every time I opened my soul to you, you destroyed me- when you went back to Lauren after what happened in Korea, or you cancelled our coffee after she killed her father..." she shook her head, running her hand through her hair, letting it fall to her side "I told you after Noah, that I hated learning to expect betrayal...I don't want to wake up one morning and see you not there and assume the worst- that you've left me and destroyed me again when, when you've only gone for a run or your making me coffee." She paused for a second "I need you to promise me, you will never break my heart Vaughn... I need you to say it to me, to swear it to me. Because I can't take that pain again...promise me Vaughn" she pleaded

"I promise Sydney. I promise you I will-never-hurt-you-again" he said his voice breaking, placing his palms to her face. She sobbed, pulling him towards her by his sweater for a desperate kiss. It was small and brief, but communicated what words could no longer. Others followed, interlacing with their hushed and hurried words

"Tell me you love me," she whispered

"I love you," he said kissing her once more "I'm so sorry Sydney" he whispered through his never ending layers of emotion "Please forgive me..."

"I will" they kissed softly "I have" they kissed again, longer than before, her face moist from her crying. She felt his tears whisper down her cheeks, until he broke their kiss, once more resting his head against hers.

"I'm gonna go" he whispered, grazing his thumb against her cheek once more "Just for a little while" he looked into the stained coco colour of her eyes. She nodded and closed them as he kissed her once more, feeling coldness shroud her body as his touch left her. She opened her eyes and he had gone; she quickly turned to her door where he stood, putting on his jacket

"How long?" she asked him gently. He was quiet for a second

"I don't know" Vaughn replied honestly watching her nod once in an understanding response. He turned to open the door

"Hey" He turned to her, watching her walk to the bedroom. She emerged a few seconds later with her keys, fiddling with the joining metal ring. Moments later she threw something to him which he expertly caught with his free hand. He opened his palm, studying the brass key that lay there "Don't wait too long before you use it" she whispered smiling sadly. He smiled gently in return placing it in his pocket with care.

"I won't"

He quickly and quietly left gently closing the door behind him. A lonely tear fell from her eye, landing silently on the carpeted floor.

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Thank you for reading. Please review for me! xxx 


	18. A Friendly Face

**Thank you** so much to my **readers** and **reviewers**! You have no idea how deliriously happy receiving a review makes me feel...I think I'm freaking out my family by the seemingly random smiling... 

**Quick note** I have decided my other fic _'A cruel twist of irony'_ is going to be altered and continued so look out for it in the future. Also _'Nostalgia's triangle'_ is going to make an appearance some time soon as I am continuing that too so **watch this space**!

Oh also, if you have time check out _'An unlikely asset'_- I need some more opinions on it- I've never done a fic that wasn't fluff based!

**Okay so back to this** my favourite fic- my baby! **Sorry about the short chapter**- this was originally part of a MUCH longer chapter but I decided as I've already spent AGES on the next bit I should post this piece now. I was getting withdrawal symptoms! Ok so here goes. Please let me know what you think, as usual reviews are much cherished and welcomed! Love dani Xxx

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Sydney didn't sleep that night; rationally of course she knew he wasn't going to return that evening- she wasn't even sure if he would the following night, but still she stayed up: just in case. One thing she did know however was that he needed his space- as did she; everything over the past week had happened so fast, and they had gone through the kind of emotional spectrum most couples were unaware of. As the early coloured dregs of Monday morning bled into the sky, she sat on her couch, her eyes unfocused and sad. 

Her body ached- she wasn't sure if it was because of the position she was sat it, or his absence- either way, she was uncomfortable. She stretched her legs out before her, a melancholy sigh drenching her movements. Since he left, the apartment was cold and empty like it used to be when he was away from her. She scratched her bottom lip with her nail, restless and unsure what to do in the swollen emptiness of the house. It was as if she had almost forgotten how to exist without him- how to be. She smiled ironically at how her dependency on him had consumed her over such a short period time, and she looked over to the front door, remembering their shyness as he asked her to dinner for the first time. Her laughter dusted the walls of the room, stroking the pictures and other personal touches she had scattered lazily around the room. As soon as her unfounded amusement dissipated, she was hit with an overwhelming fear- what if he wasn't going to come back? She bolted from the cushioned seat, turning around quickly blindly looking for the desired object. What if she'd pushed him away? What if he betrayed her again? What if he'd moved on and didn't love her as he used to? Where was he? What if he was hurt? What if he was-

"Eric?" Sydney half yelled, a melancholy cry masking her words as she sobbed down the telephone

"What? Syd? Is that you?" a sleepy and confused voice asked

"Vaughn's gone"

"What?" Eric said, suddenly wide-awake

"We had this huge fight" she cried, "and- and he left. I'm so scared- what if he's hurt-lying dead in a ditch somewhere o-or he was attacked or-he-he-had a car crash, or-"

"Sydney, its ok. I'm coming over. Stay there" he demanded

"What if he doesn't love me anymore" a quiet voice hiccupped through the dial tone.

Weiss's running shoes squeaked against the dew on the grass, his guilt and self-loathing clawing at him- this was all his fault. The door swung open just before he grasped for the handle and he grunted slightly as Sydney threw her arms around him, crying into his shoulder. He absorbed his familiar role as he hushed her sobs telling her it was going to be ok. The sound of Sydney crying was something Eric was all too familiar with, but to him every occasion seemed harder to bear.

She cried for a long time and when her frightened tears subsided she was confused as to just how he had expertly manoeuvred her inside, closed the door and sat her on the couch without her noticing. She saw the pinkish hue of dawn from her window and realised how long she'd been crying for. Her throat suddenly felt hoarse and her eyes stung. She sheepishly looked up at Eric who passed her a tissue from the box on the coffee table. She laughed at his silly and comforting smile

"I'm sorry" she sniffed, her guilt coating her words

"Don't be"

"No- I mean I have no idea why I started crying," she stated quietly laughing slightly, "I think I just got a little...overwhelmed. I honestly do understand that Vaughn needs to be alone for a while- I mean, I do too. Its just its-"

"A little scary?" Eric finished for her watching her nod at his response with a knowing smile. She leaned on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. She looked at the clock opposite her

"God Eric! I'm so sorry- its 5.30!" she exclaimed sitting up

"Syd don't be ridiculous. Besides. You know I always have time for my favourite girl" he reassured her kind-heartedly allowing her to relax into his friendly grip once more "Oh and you can call me God Eric more often if you like" it took her a second to process his joke until a murmured laugh escaped her, too sleepy to hit him for the quality of his humour. They were quiet for a while, only the occasional sniff filling the empty spaces

"Where do you think he went?" she said in a small voice

"I honestly don't know" he sighed, rubbing his forehead "Can you think of any places he might have gone?"

"I can think of few," she said with a saddened nostalgic smile. There was another comfortable silence.

"Syd?"

"Mmm?"

"I have something to tell you..." he began nervously as she sat up to face him

"Your argument with Vaughn. Its- its kinda my fault..."


	19. The Six Men of Sydney Bristow

Okay so as usual **THANKS A THOUSAND TIMES** to all my reviews and readers, you are all truly glorious and I love you all to bits. I started this chapter ages ago and then finished it in record time just now! I hope you like it, its a little angsty...well a lot angsty but this is all part of the grieving/making up period that will ultimately lead to fluff (everyone say YAY!) 

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has ever reviewed and to new reviewers...stick with me guys I promise this fic WILL NEVER BE ABANDONED ME... **EVER!** Cheers for reading thus far and enjoy! - Love always, Dani xxx

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He dug his heels into the soft sand of the beach, its cold and malleable texture briefly distracting him from the anxious flutter of his stomach. He looked up from his seated position to the view before him, his fingers twiddling half-heartedly in his lap. 

This is where he buried her. This was the place he watched the only evidence of Sydney Bristow's existence and their love disperse into the air and officially become nothing. He remembered the claustrophobic feel of the suit he wore, every part of his body aching with grief- even his skin seemed to hurt as he watched the man he thought one day would reluctantly become his father in-law deliver a soul destroying eulogy. Vaughn looked down at his palms now dusted with a fine layer of gritty sand reminiscing how it felt to hold the urn of Syd's 'ashes' in his shaking hands, the dry sides grating against his tender and aching flesh as he let the contents disappear.

He remembered the distraught line they stood in- the six men of her life, the only ones who now remained. He frowned sadly at the painful memory of Jack's cracking composure, and the way he saw him shake with grief. Vaughn looked up the beach recalling how he saw the dark figure of the woman he had loved and lost's father slowly disappear into the distance, his black suit clashing against the warm white gold of the Californian sand. That day Jack had rightfully become the second man whose heart had been broken by Sydney Bristow. Both were inebriated beyond recognition with grief, hardly hearing the seemingly empty of words of the people around them. Vaughn and Jack didn't speak that day- not one single word or look was exchanged between them, their pain magnified when they realised what the other had lost. Jack was well aware of the pain the young man was feeling, the sting of his mending heart reminding him of a similar loss. But for some reason he knew the pain he had felt at Irina's death did not reach the agony of the younger agent, realising the excitement and young love between the boy and his daughter would taunt the young man for the rest of his existence. He had wanted to embrace the man he thought would be his son-in-law and tell him how sorry for his loss he was. Even though he would never admit it to anyone, he found it so cruel that he had to chance to spend so much time with his daughter, and Vaughn so little. He hated himself for the fact that he had countless opportunities to be with her, as a child and a young woman, while Michael had to fight and struggle just to catch glimpses of her and her extraordinary beauty. This wasn't meant to happen. Fathers were not meant to outlive their daughters. Lovers weren't meant to be parted so prematurely. Life wasn't meant to be this cruel.

Vaughn closed his eyes momentarily, trying to remember against the blur who it was that stood next to Jack. His eyes opened as it came to him. Dixon. Since her resurrection, Vaughn and Sydney had been made partners once more, and even though it was awkward as hell, every moment was relished. Sydney truly was a spectacular spy, espionage coming as easily to her as skating did to him. He almost cringed at his clumsy analogy, his grace on the ice nothing in comparison to that of hers in the field, and in life. No. Espionage came to Syd as easily as loving her did to him. Being in love with Sydney Bristow was effortless- everyone she met would tell you that. Everyone had a soft spot for Sydney.

While Vaughn a majority of the time had never been as lucky, Dixon had had the privilege of knowing Sydney as both a spy and a person. Dixon was not only a much cherished friend to her, but an older brother figure- someone she looked up to. He coached her, taught her the tricks of the trade, as to a certain extent she did for him. Dixon was her anchor, a friendly face where she needed it the most in a place he could not be. Dixon, like Vaughn could anticipate her seemingly spontaneous actions and adrenaline fuelled impulses, also lucky enough to see both the hardnosed spy, and the venerable woman. After losing a mother and a wife, the Dixon family was further bereaved by the loss of an extraordinary woman. They, like many others assumed she would always be there- they too took her presence for granted, seemingly forgetting the endless close calls both Dixon and himself had willingly helped her out of. Vaughn knew how much Dixon prayed Syd had realised how proud of her he was, and that the regret he felt from never telling her swam through his veins-the feeling as heavy as lead. Upon remembering this Vaughn realised he too was yet to tell Sydney how proud he was of her. He made a quick mental note of this trying to also remember not to make the compliment seem too condescending- he hated when he was like that, as did she he remembered with a fond smile.

Vaughn gently swallowed the cool liquidness of the air, which in return engulfed him into its blackness. For no reason in particular he rubbed the tip of his nose against the shoulder of his t-shirt twice, looking down at the sand with a depressed exhalation. He was sat on the damp sand; his knees bent up towards the dotted abyss above him -his arms rested on the cartilage of his kneecaps and his hands were loosely clasped. He lifted his head listening to the therapeutic hissing of the sea. He mused at how it reminded him of their first night together as friends at the pier.

Michael closed his eyes momentarily as he visualised the row of men he had barely noticed that day seeing who was next in the morbid line-up. Kendall. He had never really gotten the full disclosure from Sydney or indeed anybody on what she learnt of her missing two years, only managing to steal quick glimpses of her report from where his desk sat beside hers in the rotunda. What he did know however was that Kendall proved to be her only contact from her life before, the sinew that hopelessly tied her to the skeleton of her previous existence. Ethically, Kendall was an ass, but Vaughn had accepted it was his job and his duty to act in such a manner. It wasn't until that moment shivering from the cool oceanic breeze Vaughn realised Kendall didn't need to be there that day- he wasn't obliged to come and represent the agency at the funeral of another fallen agent. He was there through choice, through respect.

Vaughn considered the disbelief in Kendall's demeanour, surprised how he too had took her consistent attendance for granted. He had also foolishly assumed she was invincible, the scrapes she seemed to be constantly clawing her way out of enough to lull them all into a false sense of security, creating a venerable chasm waiting to be exposed at her premature termination.

Marshall. Vaughn chuckled briefly watching the affect of the replacement of the chilled night breeze with that of the moist heated air from his mouth as he did so. Marshall was such a kind and gentle man, and the memory of his grieved stance sobered Vaughn immediately. Michael recalled how Marshall had pressed his hands to his eyes, shielding his tears from the men surrounding him in the non-existent pressure to be strong. The harmonious clash of his sobs and the collision of the furious waves on the rocks behind them imprinted themselves in Vaughn's, mind creating a crude and morose anthem. Grief and suffering surrounded the men, saturating them in the alien sting on the unwanted emotions.

Marshall had saved Syd's life more than anyone had bothered to count. He was responsible for her prolonged survival in the field, and for that Vaughn was silently grateful. Marshall was probably the only member of the taskforce who had considered Agent Bristow's death, his job involving the creation of strategies and contraptions to delay the imminent event. Marshall, Michael realised had never been thanked, and probably never would be. He was a silent and unobserved hero, one of Sydney's many guardians.

Second to last in the line was his best friend, the man that had supported him through his months long fall. He prevented his complete collapse, barely having time to manage his own grief, constantly looking after him, his best friend. It was only in drunken slurs or tearful breakdowns Vaughn had ever really voiced his appreciation to Weiss, never actually categorically saying the words in sobriety or clear sincerity. That day Eric had been respectfully quiet, coming completely out of character for the woman he had loved both through friendship and gratitude for the adoration and devotion she had shown towards his best bud. Vaughn had both appreciated and despised the look of complete pity and desolation is Weiss' face every time he had attempted to make eye-contact, the subjectivity in his eyes reminding Vaughn what had been ripped from him. Vaughn knew Eric was grieving as much for him as for the loss of Sydney but still clung to his best friend for both physical and emotional support as he enveloped him in a manly embrace.

That left him. The first and last man of Sydney Bristow- the one who had suffered most through her cruel demise. Vaughn had never considered himself a religious man, but the clichéd words of the parson on the beach turned him against the world, the manifestation of his bitter grief swallowing him as selfishly as the fire had her. He was last to leave that day, pretending contemplate the events of the past few weeks in his car as the others silently left him to his distraught hungry for any semblance of closure. In truth there was no contemplation, there was to closure. There never was going to be any closer from such a raw and emphasised wound. He knew that then and he knew that now nearly two and a half years later. There was no closure from Sydney Bristow.

Vaughn remembered everything perfectly: he had watched the last car amble sadly away from him and round the corner and pushed open his car door breathing in the stagnant warmth of the salted air. He let a quiet yet frenzied sob leave him and felt the familiar blur of tears blinding him, unappreciatively watching how they created a congealed lens across his saddened pupils. He left his door open as he leant back against the abandoned orange van looking but not watching the sea roll infront of him. He whispered her name and shook his head as he bent down slightly, straightening his arm so it was rigid between his thigh and his ribs, and propped himself up. He literally felt sick. He ran his free hand shakily through his hair, the moisture their causing it to muss due to the ruffled actions on his fingertips. He saw the dusty gravel shift slightly as a salty bead of perspiration mixed with a few discarded tears and fell onto the gritty surface. He wiped his cheekbone with the back of his hand standing straight once more. A throaty and half-coughed sob sliced trough the air as the pressure of his carefully bottled emotion climaxed and broke through in an acidic and angry release.

Micheal recalled how he had stepped from the van making his way down the jagged makeshift steps created by the gust of sea air that had whipped mercilessly against the rock and sand. He stumbled slightly but he didn't particularly care as he loosened his tie with one hand. The discarded or rather hidden memories of the post-funeral events were proving difficult for Vaughn to handle. As far as anyone was concerned he had left the beach when they had- had never told this to anyone. He wanted to be alone to have something of that day just for him and exclusive to him and Sydney's memory. It had stayed that way up to and including this moment. He knew he would some day divulge the memory to Sydney as they collaborated stories of her missing time, but for now he relished in the pain and loneliness of the recollection of what he thought to be a pitiful and masochistically indulgent act if grief.

He had climbed the rock behind where they had all stood as if a little boy, partly regressing to the manner by which he had tackled the tree in their garden in France at his father's wake. He had pressed his knees to his chest wrapping his arms around his shins as he had on the sturdy branch of the oak tree. There his sobs were free to escape him in the knowledge that the characteristically loud roar of the waves would swallow them without hesitation, devoid of the knowing glances of pity and the empty words he had come to detest. When he turned his head he noted Jack's car had gone. He didn't give a damn that Jack must have passed him in his sate of inclusive grief and was too raw to notice the van had also gone. After saying his silent goodbye to his love, he made his way off the giant rock, but half way down had tripped and fallen into the sea. He rose from the lukewarm pacific shaking his head, flicking his hair free of moisture. He let out an unbelieving and melancholy laugh in spite of himself, lifting his arms and inspecting his now drenched black suit. He could almost hear her playful laughter in the current that guided him back to the shore.

"I bet you found that funny" he spoke fondly to nowhere in particular yet somewhere at the same time. He was saddened at the realisation it was the first time he had spoken to her without alcohol coursing through his veins. The thought distressed him, as did the stinging realisation that she was really gone. Sydney had died. It was then the plaguing nightmare became reality, and new type of mourning began. It was then Michael learnt what the pain of grief truly was.


	20. The Shoulder To Cry On

**Chapter 20**

**The Shoulder To Cry On**

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"Eric come on, don't be ridiculous. You can't keep blaming or implicating yourself in every little fight me and Vau-" 

"No." Eric shook his head turning to face her more "Syd listen. You're fight with Vaughn- it was about commitment right? About moving too fast?"

"Yeah, how'd you-"

"Mike and I had a..." he tried to find the right word, "an altercation after which he must have come here." He said looking around slightly. He sighed and looked over her left shoulder before he continued not wanting to meet her gaze, "I told him that...that I thought-"

"That you thought what?" Sydney asked, a blend of concern and irritation in her voice. "What did you say to him Eric?" she queried once more trying her best to keep her cool

"That maybe by asking him moving in, you were moving too fast and neither of you were properly considering the consequences- of what it meant for what you have. I thought you were trying to go back to your relationship before." Sydney looked down and sighed. She ran a hand through her slightly knotted hair as he continued "Look Syd, I am so, so sorry, I never meant for it to effect you and Vaughn like it did. I was just trying to voice my concerns- to be a good friend." Weiss looked at her trying to judge her expression. She lifted her head, looking upwards slightly. "I understand if you're mad-"

"Yeah I am."

"Sydney" he began. He wasn't going to take back what he said but he wasn't sure he could face another fight or her painful sobs either. He still stood by his argument.

"Who are you to interfere-" she shouted

"Hey!" he shouted over her

"-To fill him with insecurities?"

"Who am- who am I? I'm the guy who's stuck with you two through thick and thin. The one who has been a shoulder to cry on. I've been there for every step of your relationship and I'm sorry if I think your moving too fast but I'm entitled to my own opinions! My justifiable opinions!"

"Ugh this is so irritating!" she said angrily, bending to cradle her head in her hand

"Sydney-"

"No" she stopped him, looking straight at him, "It's irritating because you- because you're right." She was calmer now

"Look, I-"

"Eric" she warned a hint of amusement in her voice "Who is wearing the speaking hat?" Weiss gawped slightly surprised Vaughn had told her

"I-"

"Weiss?" she chastised playfully lifting her eye-line above him. Her hand was raised to stop him speaking. "Who-is-wearing-the-speaking-hat?"

"Bu-"

"Who?"

"Sydney. Not Eric"

"Thank you." She smiled gently, turning serious once more, "Look, Vaughn and me are moving way too fast, I know that now. But I am so frightened that something is going to happen to stop this." She took his hands emphatically, making him look at her "You know me and Michael can't go back to where we were- we know that too. And you know we would never do that." She added slowly "When I look at him all I see is regret. He regrets never telling me he loved me or taking me to Santa Barbara, and he regrets the pain that I have felt over the past I don 't know how many months. We are both still mourning what we lost even though we have each other back now. And really that is all that should matter- that we have each other back. But it's not all that matters Eric. He needs to move on from Lauren and he needs to move on from his guilt on the pain that was inflicted."

"He also needs closure from losing you"

"What?" Sydney asked in an anguished surprise letting go of his hands

"Do you honestly think he got over losing you Sydney? Because he didn't. He still hasn't."

"What? I mean. No he doesn't...I don't-" Eric took her hands in his as his turn to talk arrived

"I know you have heard this but I'm not sure the meaning has ever been clear to you, or if you really understand to what extent he changed while he mourned for you. But he was a mess Sydney- there is no word to describe the state he was in. I have never seen anyone fall like he did and after everything we have experienced it was still the most petrifying thing I have ever known"

"Eric, I know all this-"

"No, Syd you don't. You really don't," he said forcefully, letting go of her hands and standing up. He turned away from her closing his eyes briefly before he started. With a small nod he began "Mike became reckless after he thought you died. He cared for nothing or no one and had no concern for himself or anyone around him. He would break down and call me in the middle of the night- he'd never talk or cry or anything; he'd just sit and be silent on the other end of the line. I mean, you were gone Sydney. You were dead. As far as he was concerned that was no one left. There was no one to love him and no one to love in return." Eric turned to face her and she stifled a gasp as she saw the tears threatening to show themselves against his stubble.

"I tried looking after him the best I could Sydney but all he wanted was you- all he would cry for was you. There was nothing any of us could say or do. He went days without talking or eating... I'm not even sure he slept some weeks. And when he did your image tormented him. I mean- did he tell you about the time he had to have his stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning?" he questioned already knowing the answer.

"I...no...I-" she stuttered

"Yeah well that was no fun I can tell you." He spoke rubbing the balls of his palms against his eyes "Look," he sighed, bringing arms down to his sides "What I'm going to tell you, you have to promise not to be mad...but I can't take the guilt anymore"

"Eric what is it?" she questioned fearfully, her voice buckling under the heavy weight of her emotions

"Vaughn's moving on...it wasn't completely voluntary. I was the one who suggested he shouldn't keep mourning you and that he shouldn't wear black for the rest of his life. I suggested he started dating again"

"Eric there is nothing wrong with that." Sydney said sincerely rising to stand in front of him. You were right to think that- he deserved to move on, you all did. You were being a good friend. Like you always are." she added with a soft smile. He shook his head

"But my motives were less that honourable I can assure you." Sydney frowned. "They were weak and they were selfish." She let him continue as he slowly began to pace the rug before her "You don't know what it is like seeing the most important people in your life crumble away and vanish into nothing. I saw it with you and there was no way I was going to stand there and watch Vaughn come to the same end. I just couldn't take it anymore- the late night phone calls, picking him up from bars, tidying his place, paying his bills. I was sick of having to being strong all the time. I tried the best I could Sydney I really did. But" his voice cracked slightly "I feared his breakdowns would eventually pull me down with them. I really did want him to be happy you have to believe that. But I needed to move on too Sydney, and I could not do that watching my best friend purposefully drink himself into oblivion" He looked at her, his eyes pricking with the memory of best friend's grieved condition

"Oh Eric" she sobbed, embracing him and burying her head into his shoulder. "I am so sorry for what you went through. And I am so sorry you have had to live with this unnecessary guilt while you were looking after me in the same way you did him." he squeezed her tightly closing his eyes. "Thank you for being his friend- for loving him. And thank you for being my friend Eric. I'll never be able to communicate my gratitude to you. And neither will he."

They stayed like that for a while until he broke the hug. He sniffed slightly, and cleared his throat. Sydney looked at the clock knowing he would want time to gather himself, not feeling comfortable with the emotion of the situation. She laughed fondly inside, the pride of the men she loved never ceasing to amaze her. After the all of the tears he had seen for her, he still didn't want her to see his. It was extremely endearing

"Hey" she croaked rubbing his forearm "Its late- you should get home" Eric nodded

"You'll be ok?"

"Yeah." There was a small pause. "Thank you" Weiss nodded in affirmation laughing quietly at her next comment

"But you're the one that's got to be in work in two hours"

"Ok that is so unfair" he joked sarcastically, the Eric she knew best back in the room

"Well what can I say, I helps to be the boss' daughter"

"Or sharing her bed" he quipped earning him a slap round the shoulder and a giggle. Sydney opened the door for him, the humidity of the warm Californian air surprising them both. Dawn was approaching and sky was tinted with swirls of orange, pink and gold, the trees still silhouetted against their background of layered femininity.

"I'll see you at work?" he asked

"Yeah. Night Eric"

"Morning Syd" he corrected in his response, looking around him.

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"Being you," she said kindly, pressing a small sisterly kiss to his cheek. He nodded shyly and the pair waved their goodbyes as she closed the doors. He slowly and contently made his way back across the grass to his front door. Even in the husky light of dawn could the blush on Eric cheeks been seen, not only for the kindness of Sydney Bristow's words, but the kindness of Sydney Bristow herself.

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Eeeeee! **Thank you** for reading...I know some of you wanted the Eric/Sydney chat so there it was! Hope you liked it 

Thanks a million to (takes deep breath) **s, caroline, morgan123, Masta D, vaughn is hot, kyyra, CS, hanna, Moni, McCurdy, Screwed by life** (Hope it gets better for you by the way OohugsoO xx) **largemarge416, syd-mike-4ever, candice, sydofthesea, alias-sydney93001, MB138, tine, Charlotte, Agent Boucle d'Or, daisyduke947, SuperDuck123, lec, awin, alexis, diveprincess** and everyone for their recent and very kind reviews. Thanks from the bottom of my keyboard and my heart. Love always- dani xxx

**Oh yeah, don't own Alias, never have never will unless its up for sale at very cheap and then me and J.J could probably work something out. I am not benefiting from this apart from it being a lot of fun weeeeeeeeeeee! Just sharing the love! xx**

P.s Chapter 20? Can i just say YAY!


	21. In the Father We Trust

Micheal let his fingers flirt with the hollow diamonds of the warehouse partitions. They chimed mutely; a small ribbed sound echoing off the breezeblock walls. He'd missed this place. 

The foreign yet familiar taste of the dusty air filled his lungs drowning him in a laborious memory of a premature and naïve love. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the flicker of a superficial white from the luminous plastic light located on the far wall. The drone of the generator seemed louder than he remembered, his laboured breathing and the whirring of blood rushing in his ears the only sound he recalled from his time in the building built of sentiment and worry. With a casual and strong arm he swiped the gate open watching it role effortlessly along its railed hinges. He stepped into the cage they had frequently shared; the cell in which they locked themselves away from the world. A thousand memories of controlled and sometimes vented emotions coated him in a fine layer of recollection.

History seemed such an inadequate word for the archive of events that occurred between them he mused as he perched on what had become his crate during their cherished clandestine meetings. He exhaled a disbelieving laugh at the way he in admiration of her valour agreed to break into the Vatican with her. _The Vatican_. If his mother knew she'd kill him; if his father had known he would have laughed gently, his tone a knowing one. He thought about his father for a while. Would he be proud of his unfaltering defiance of the Agency's protocol- his seemingly constant disregard for the rules since his first meeting with Sydney? Perhaps not. But he would understand how in love, the strongest of men adhere to the persistent longing of their hearts, choosing the bittersweet call of adoration over rationality. He missed his father terribly, feeling guilty at the way his grief over losing Sydney seemed to eclipse that of the grief of losing a parent. He wished a thousand times over his Dad could have met the woman who astonished him everyday with her gentle yet fierce love, the woman who's strength and bravery would have put a hundred of the most courageous soldiers to shame, the woman who had wholly and completely stolen his heart. What burned him the most was the fact he knew they would have got on fantastically, never any trace of a doubt that his father would have felt any less than complete adoration towards her. Emotions flitted in his stomach at the excitement of the idea of introducing Sydney and his Mom to each other. He'd never been surprised that Lauren and his mother never really hit it off- his late wife different to any person he had met before. At first he thought the contrast in personality to be endearing- a pleasant change from the woman who had broken him, but the originality in Lauren's temperament over time proved to be awkward and at times unwelcome. When they had met, Vaughn couldn't understand why Lauren and his mother had never bonded in the way he would have hoped. He had been angry at his mother's unfounded dislike of his future wife. She apologised profusely to him simply stating "_Michael, je suis si désolé. But this does not feel right. She is not right". _To his exasperated response "_Why doesn't this feel right Maman?"_ she simply replied _"Intuition de la mere"_ he was about to argue back when she softly added a statement which chilled his soul _"Je ne la fie pas avec votre Coeur"._

To be honest with himself he didn't truly trust Lauren with his heart either. He was still slightly distant and jaded, bitterness from Syd's death still looming in his chest. He felt colder than the man he was used to being, a darkened stranger living his life for him. He had been robbed of the most important entity of his life- Sydney, the consequence being the disintegration of the gentle and caring way he was with his former asset. He felt as if he had been raped of the ability to love properly. Lauren never saw the tender and tentative Michael that Sydney had fallen in love with. She became used to the at times stoic and predictable romantic tendencies of her husband as it was all she knew of him, and he became used to being that person. He was the new and not so improved Michael Vaughn- loyal, concise, thoughtful and gentle... but dull. He had liked the person that he was when he was with Sydney- they always managed to bring out the best in each other, only the most likable traits and quirks making an appearance. But he hated the man he had turned into when she died; despising his cowardice for settling for the first woman he felt a flicker of attachment towards. He felt complete abhorrence for the woman who had captured his bruised and blistered soul, consuming his grief as if an addictive scent to inhale and bathe in at her will. He detested the almost cold and ordinary couple he had willingly become a part of, envying the sweet caresses and tender words other couples shared in restaurants or in the park for example. But what made it worse was the fact he _knew_ that these couples had nothing of what he and Sydney had shared over the time they were lovers and even before. He hated knowing if things at been different these amateur lovebirds would be envious of them- of what _they_ shared. He and Lauren simply walked side by side; hands clasped through encouraged affection and obligated attachment.

Before he new of Sydney's real status as an alive and operational double he simply thought he'd grow into the role of a doting partner, learning to love her as a husband loves a wife, and not as a man in pain loves his medication. Eventually he grew to love Lauren; perhaps because of who she was, or pretended to be rather, or maybe it was because of the way he made her feel and on the ordinary life they ambled through together. He was normal now. He had a 9 to 5 job, a nice home, a wide-screen t.v, a lazy but adorably loyal dog. A seemingly pleasant wife. What else could a guy want? What normal guy honestly craved a job that varied everyday, where adrenaline was as familiar to him as oxygen. What kind of man wanted to serve his country and work with the most intelligent people the nation had to offer? Which man honestly wanted to fall in love with his breath-taking asset, willingly placing her life before his without a second thought?

He did. Michael Vaughn did. That was who he was. Well, who he had been.

Vaughn was yanked from his thoughts at the distant sound of a second person approaching the cage. He stepped down from the crate reaching for a gun that wasn't there. The footfalls were too heavy for the person he remembered to walk the path that was currently being emulated, and his heart seemed to jump to his throat as his pulse quickened. His body fizzed with anticipation and fear as a familiar substance coursed through him, hurling him into fight or flight. He clenched and relaxed his hands a few times, subconsciously preparing his muscles for confrontation. His arms were placed anxiously by his side, stiffened yet expertly and innately prepared. Thoughts poured through his mind at whom it could be- a process of elimination occurring in his busy mind within milliseconds. He knew through intuition it was not Sydney, but no one else really knew how to get the their warehouse; the address being shown to them in exclusive debriefs involving only the two of them on separate occasions. His body relaxed slightly as his quick mind worked out who it was- who it could only really be. There was quiet for a second

"Jack" he stated coolly with a nod as he watched the agent approach the metallic enclosure. He casually wiped his palms against his trousers, wishing the clammy feeling to disappear.

"Michael" the older man greeted in his usual manner as he passed through the chain-linked fence. He watched as Vaughn sat back upon the crate behind him. There was silence for a few painful seconds as Jack looked at his murky surroundings "I love what you've done with the place" he deadpanned in the way Jack only could. Vaughn eyed him with placid curiosity speaking what was on his mind without hesitation.

"What are you doing here Jack?"

There was a pause while Agent Bristow controlled and categorised the list of things he needed to say to the man before him.

"It has come to my understanding that you and my daughter have rekindled the relationship she and you shared before her abduction." Vaughn remained silent, his stillness prompting Jack to continue. "It has also come to my attention that you and her have recently had a...disagreement resulting in your own brief disappearance" he added wryly

"How did you-"

"I have to hand it to Mr Weiss. He truly is a good friend, who cares for both you and my daughter a great deal. I hope his friendship and generosity will not and has not been previously overlooked"

Vaughn broke their steady eye contact and looked at the hands that lay intertwined in his lap. He pursed his lips and nodded slightly

"How did you find me?" he asked in an almost saddened tone as the seconds crawled by

"Well Agent Vaughn, it appears that not only do you and Sydney to have a clearly very cherished relationship, you apparently also have an extremely predictable one. Where else is there to look than place you fell in love with each other?" he said with a hint humour in his voice.

"Look Jack-"

"Vaughn I don't know what has been said between you and my daughter but after everything you have been through- that Weiss and I have been through, do you honestly believe we are going to just sit here and watch you throw it all away in an act of foolish stubbornness?" He asked, hints of fire underneath his words

"Hey wait a minute you have no idea what-"

"I don't need to know what you fought about Vaughn I just need to know that are not going to destroy my daughter again by terminating the only thing in her life she lives for! Now I don't know how serious an argument it was or where you have been these past few hours, all I do need to know is that you are not going to break her heart."

"Do you honestly think I'd be that stupid?" Vaughn challenged standing up

"You've done it once. Who's to say you won't do it again?" Jack stated knowing he was pushing the younger man's buttons

"Oh don't do this Jack," he chastised, "don't try to aggravate me as if you know me"

"I know you better than you think"

"You know nothing!" Vaughn shouted. He stepped towards his as he continued, "As far as you are concerned I'm the man who is stealing your daughter and I will _never_ be good enough to her! However much I'll try I will never be the right man to you." He placed his fists to his eyes briefly as he turned back towards the crates. He gently threw his arms down as he carried on speaking. His tone was full of exasperation "You saw how I was after she died" he turned to face him "how could you possibly think I'd willingly break her heart again?" He ran his hand down his face feeling the stubble under his fingers. He stepped up to Jack exhaling before he began. He was calmer now "Do you remember the first time we met? _After_ you pulled on a gun on me" he stated wryly "You said I was young and that I lacked wisdom. You undermined me- put me down because you feared my relationship with Sydney and felt threatened by the closeness you knew we already shared. You accused me of- if I remember correctly- of trying to _impress_ your daughter. Do you remember?"

"Yes, I remember" He said coolly. Of course he remembered. When he met the young agent he had been secretly impressed that he had taken the initiative to call a meet- that had cleared the conference through Devlin. Jack was privately thankful that his daughter's life was in the control of a man who didn't view her just as an asset, but as a person, showing a fear for her well being above the operation at hand. He remembered showing a hint of a smile as he terminated the meeting, Vaughn managing to catch him out offering an intelligent and bold observation. He listened with almost pride as Vaughn continued to speak over his own private thoughts

"After that all I ever wanted from you was your approval- to earn your respect." he paused for a second watching Jack drink in his words "I cannot _believe_ how desperate I was for you to accept me as an agent and more importantly as the man who was in love with your daughter. But now," he said his tone turning more confrontational "if you actually believe I give a rat's ass about what you think of me you're even more pathetic than I thought. I am not going to stand here and ask you to forgive me for marrying Lauren of for hurting Sydney so many times. I mean, I need to forgive over myself without being concerned about whether I have your exoneration. But what I will say to you is that one day, I intend on asking Sydney to marry me and I'm going to do that regardless of whether I get your approval or not." There was silence for a moment

"I wouldn't expect anything less of you Michael"

Vaughn was taken aback by both the statement and the gently smile Jack showed. He cocked his head slightly- was he playing him? Jack was amused by the confused expression that had quickly replaced the one of defiance. Truth is, he couldn't think of a more appropriate match for his daughter, respecting the young man before more than he would ever like to suggest. It wasn't until he saw Vaughn grieving he realised how truly in love he had been with his daughter, and it wasn't until the devastation Sydney had shown after her return that he knew of its avid reciprocation. Michael Vaughn was a courageous, loyal and extremely intelligent man, and at this moment he had never been prouder of him and his obstinate defiance. He knew in his heart how proud his father would have been of the man Michael Vaughn had finally become. He clarified his previous statement hoping Vaughn would pick up on the subtext on his words- it was the most open about he was going to be about his opinions

"Agent Vaughn, I think I knew you were in love with my daughter before you did. I accepted the fact you were going to be my son-in-law a long time ago." He saw a smile tug at the corner of Vaughn's mouth as he understood. He didn't need to fight for Jack Bristow's approval- he already had it. Vaughn nodded softly raising his chin as a sign of strength and determination"Now I believe you need to go home to my daughter" Jack stated steppig back slightly giving Vaughn his cue to leave

"I think you're right" he replied with a subtle smile that both of them shared

"Agent Vaughn, I am _always_ right"

Vaughn grabbed his jacket from the crate stepping pass the only father figure in his life. Not wanting the conversation to end of such an uncharacteristically high note, Jack spoke as Vaughn stepped out into the corridor watching him to turn around at the sound of his name

"Oh and Vaughn. Just for the record, I still don't think you have much of a spine"

Vaughn saw the smile had now gone from Jacks face. His too had disappeared as he terminated what would be their most open conversation in a long time

"I wouldn't expect anything less of you Jack"

And with that he was gone.

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Next up: fluff. Thanks for reading! 


	22. Home Coming

Heya. Without further ado, here is the new chapter... please, if you can, review.

Enjoy xxx

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Chapter 22: Home Coming

The brass key had been quietly placed on the elegant wooden table next to the door, the colours of dusk and angst reflecting off its cool bronze coloured surface. When she saw it she would smile at the realisation of what it meant and silently place it amongst the paper and photographs of her desk drawer.

She had forced herself into work but had left the rotunda prematurely, his absenteeism present in the loneliness of his desk. The vacant space and questioning glances drove her home quicker than their daemons had driven them apart earlier the following evening and she had found herself once more in her empty house, perfectly alone and achingly sad.

As her great grandmother's carriage clock struck five thirty in the afternoon she lay there, her arm resting tiredly under her head supporting her neck and throbbing skull. Her eyes were closed, guarding a fragile layer of shallow slumber, her eyelashes flicking every now and than as fatigued and warn out images painted themselves across the darkened arch of her subconscious.

She inhaled deeply as she woke, her saddened eyes opening without stutter or tired flicker. They closed once more as she stretched as if an awakening feline, and she purred slightly as her muscles groaned in retaliation. Her body lay discarded along the couch for a few more moments as she breathed slowly and deeply, her eyes casually drinking in the muted afternoon shade of her surroundings. Her hand explored the back of the seat, hopelessly clawing for the light switch while her other arm remained draped up behind her head where she had thrown it as she woke. A cool charcoal coloured material glossed across her arm as the silken texture of her jacket's lining slid casually up her searching limb. A gentle click coated the silent room and she squinted slightly in the sting of the new and artificial light. In the ache of the cream glow that happily coloured everything it could reach, Sydney attempted to make out the figure that sat across from her as she slowly sat upright.

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He'd been there for a while, an almost-there smile tickling his mouth in anticipation and adoration. The dullish jade of his eyes lit to a euphoric emerald as she woke, his tired form taking joy in the fact she did not immediately see him from her position directly opposite him. For a while now his eyes had traced the thin lines of her pinstriped suit as they glided and skipped down her slender and feminine legs. His eyes relished the modest hug of her black tank top, which flirtatiously hid itself under her light summer blazer. He felt his heart flicker as a surge of adrenaline rippled through him as she started to stir. The sheer emptiness he had felt when away from her had overwhelmed him, and he tried not to wish for her to wake nor to count down the seconds to the opening of her sleepy eyes. When the chocolate spheres he knew so well revealed themselves, his world started turning again.

She drank every part of that moment in as the colour hastily returned to the greying and suppressed butterflies flitting across her abdomen. He sat across from her, the contours of his back relaxing into the spongy surface of the armchair. His left arm was bent up from that of the chair, his jaw and chin resting against it, and the back of his hand hid his mouth from her while the knuckle of his thumb rested just above the dip of his chin. There was a gentle silence for a moment or two until his hand moved ever so slightly to free his mouth.

"Hey" he breathed

"Hi" she whispered gracefully in return after a few seconds of recognition and relief with a tiny nod. There was another pregnant silence

"I'm hopelessly in with love you," he declared softly and honestly

"I know" she nodded with a whisper and a nearly there smile of her own

His voice was quiet and slightly hoarse, and a darkened shadow had appeared on the curve of his jaw where stubble had started to form. She didn't see the greyish bags under his eyes or the heavy droop of his eyelashes, love's eye obscuring her vision of imperfection.

Sydney's heart began to palpitate almost violently as he slowly rose from his seat, the thin yet unsevered thread between them never breaking their eye contact. She heard his breath rattle slightly as his emotions broke through, and a glass-like sheen began to flood and cover both their eyes as their heart beats quickened. She shifter ever so slightly as the distance between them vanished

"Vaughn" she exhaled, the sound almost inaudible and the break of her voice nearly unnoticed. He frowned sadly as he knelt before her his body fitting gently in between her knees. She closed her eyes briefly, sighing as the onset of tears marked itself through the crack in her voice. His saddened orbs studied her face as he placed a slightly shaky palm to her cheek, brushing his thumb once against her glowing skin. A quiet and slightly high pitched whimper escaped her as he pressed his lips to her own in what proved to be one of the most emotionally and physically tender kisses they would ever experience together. He felt the cherished tickle of one of her tears stain his cheek and he could feel his own composure crack as he fell even further in love with her.

"Where did you go?" she whispered into him in between kisses, placing a hand to his cheek, her fingers occasionally skipping and stroking through the softness of his dishevelled hair. Her eyes searched his face and he knew she was talking about more than his visit to the beach "Where did you go?" she repeated in a muted sigh and a slight shake of the head

"It doesn't matter" he softly replied wiping her cheekbones and jaw with the back of his fingers. "I'm here now" he kissed her temple "I'm home" his voice broke as he continued, the raw sound of his emotion clawing at his words "I'm so sorry Sydney" he croaked, kissing her once more, finishing quietly with another crush of his lips "I'm so sorry... forgive me."

"_I'm_ sorry," she corrected, placing a soft and forgiving kiss to the corner of his mouth and another on his neck. "Forgive _me_." She whispered

"I love you" he hushed in her ear after a small moment, the warmth of his breath mingling tastefully against her skin with that of his words and his actions. A pleasant shudder raced through her body, tickling her spine with its nimble fingers.

"I love you too." She returned dusting her nose against his neck, her fingers running through her hair as she pulled away slightly allowing a lover's silence "Make love to me" she whispered slowly and quietly into his ear, her lips brushing against him once more. It was his turn to shiver.

Carefully and with great tenderness, Michael turned his head towards her mouth letting his eyes slip closed as he kissed her again, a passionate chocolate sensation oozing from his movements. She hummed sadly into him, languorously placing her arms around his upper back. A few moments later he could feel the weak crush of her legs wrapping themselves around his waist, pleasantly trapping him in her warmth. At the same time Vaughn slowly and distractedly stood, and without breaking their gentle contact carried her across the space towards the place where his heart belonged. He tenderly complied to her soft demand, hushed 'I love yous' and gentle wishes of forgiveness being shared and fulfilled as they wholly and completely gave each other their bodies, their hearts and their souls once more, strengthening their bond and re-defining love.

He was home.

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Thanks SO SO much for reading. I am truly very sorry its been so long for an update and the talkis approaching...just stick with me! The chapters will be com ing more frequently now (in theory :P) so watch this space!

P.s it's my birthday! Yay! Thanks for reading, Dani xxx


	23. That Little Game Called Love

Chapter 23: That Little Game Called Love

It wasn't lustful- passionate, yes, oh God yes, but it wasn't one of the occasions where the only thing pure was the depth of need and almost animalistic hunger, and the only game they were playing was for dominance. It wasn't simple either, oh no. They both showed shy glimpses of the teasing and playful nature of their personalities, never forgetting the through-line of forgiveness and love that sewed its way through to the early hours of the morning. It had been earth shattering; soul destroying; heart consuming, but above all things filled with love and tenderness, whispers and pretty whimpers replacing loud guttural groans, and high pitch moans being eclipsed with soft words of love and gentle caresses. It was an amalgamation of softness and adoration, the saddest and most contented day of their lives creating a new plane to their endless love and mending their ageing souls.

He almost blushed at the memory as his back relaxed into the soft back of the green couch. He lay on his side, his elbow bent and his head propped up with his hand, as his other arm lay curved around her warm stomach. The contours of his body fit into hers perfectly as his thumb slowly caressed the soft skin that hid coyly under her tank top. They were watching something, she was sure of it, as to what it was, she was clueless, her extremely pleasantly shuddering body only aware of his unintentionally teasing moments, his pleasurable assault on her still sensitive body preventing her from seeing or hearing anything. She could feel the slow and steady warmth of his breath on her neck from where her head lay cradled in the crook made by his bent elbow. Sometimes his movements were so soft it was nearly unbearable and she momentarily in reflex squeezed her eyes closed, her body convulsing much to her annoyance at his more than satisfying movements. She prayed he couldn't feel her body quiver against his and that the loud masculine shouts from the television drowned out her tiny moans and whimpers.

He did of course know what affect his actions were having on her body, the seductive manner she had pressed her body into his as she lay infront of him allowing him to feel every miniscule quake or her delectable figure. As the minutes casually went by he slowly made the movements more drawn out, his hand moving subtly higher and closer to the softness of her breasts. His thumb made small circular patterns, the pad sometimes barely touching her. Feeling her shiver violently once again, he lowered his lips to her neck, seductive and tender kisses combining with almost untraceable circles of his tongue on her skin. She hummed in satisfaction and he bent his leg slightly, slipping the knee in between her thighs, his contact with her suddenly becoming more hungry and intimate. She leant her body into him, thirsty for his skin on hers, the memory of the heat of his flesh on hers sending cool whispers up her spine. She bit her lip and arched her back as his fingers caressed her skin, the gentle and inevitable caresses and teasing he languished on her chest calling for her to moan out his name in a desperate and fragile whisper. She clawed as his t-shirt as his hand at an agonising pace moved lower, the backs of his fingers dusting their way down her stomach. She reached her other arm backwards, her almost convulsing fingers tangling in his dark blond her. He nibbled at her jaw as she continued to moan for him, his knee pressed more firmly against her and his hand moved slowly lower and lower until

"You want something to eat?" he asked casually, neatly slipping out from behind her and quickly standing beside the couch with a hidden grin. He looked down at her through cheeky and gently amused eyes at where she had had fallen onto her back, her hair ever so slightly dishevelled and her cheeks tinted pink with her arousal. Her eyes oozed dark angry chocolate into the air around them, its warmth and fiery but adoring fury scolding him ever so slightly. The depth of the green she saw surrounding his pupils extinguished her flame ever so slightly until she replied with an unintentionally husky voice

"I'll get you back for that" she burned at the sardonic look in his eyes

"So I'll take that as a no?" he half smirked

"Seriously, you're going to regret that"

"Promises, promises," he tutted with a sigh as he moved towards the kitchen. It was a game they played; they took it in turns to tease the other, pushing them to an edge that almost hurt them both. They never knew when the game was going to be played, innocent touches and barely there kisses continuing and sometimes progressing until the remembrance of their unspoken folly seeped into their minds. Even though there was no official tally, it was nearly always Vaughn that won, the gentle and passionate man taking great enjoyment in the teasing of his love.

"Sometimes I hate you"

"That's what makes the sex so fun" he quipped earning a stale strip of toast to be hurled in his direction. It hit him crisply in the back of his neck and he laughed turning to face her and her own no longer suppressed smile. He bit his lip and smiled deeply, overwhelmed by the beauty he saw in her. He took two small steps towards her, his body gently coming into contact with hers as he kissed her sweetly and deeply, his hands pressing slightly against her blushing cheeks. He hummed slightly as she once again clutched at his cotton t-shirt. The kiss deepened slowly turning dark and electric until she broke it off with a slight pop. He groaned at the loss and the realisation of her slow victory and spontaneous trickery. It was never something they planned; it depended on the moment and their moods. Their game was never something they planned- the couple never sought out to trick each other, it just turned out that way sometimes. She giggled softly as he saw her impulsively lean towards her as she pulled away from their kiss, and she bit her lip and took a few steps backwards towards the kitchen wall. On any other occasion he would heave pinned her up against it roughly, pressing heated kisses to her lips and perhaps taken her against the counter, but he knew they needed to have a long and overdue discussion- it was partly why he had left her in the living room, unsure they would be able to finally clear the air, physical distractions once more getting in the way.

"You hungry?" he asked seriously with a happy smile, continuing to watch her as he she beamed gently in return

"I'm fine," she said appreciatively with a small cock of her head as she took the cool glass of chilled water he handed her. They looked at each other as they slowly gulped down the liquids and he placed his glass on the sink, leaning back against it slightly with folded arms as she finished hers soon afterwards. He outstretched his hand, offering to take her glass from her. Sydney leant in and stepped up towards him, placing the cool and thin glass in his hand, watching as with the other he reached into his sweat pants pocket for the phone that had began to ring.

"Vaughn" he greeted as she brushed passed him in a move to return back to living room. He caught her hand as she moved past him, lifting it to kisses her knuckles tenderly. She smiled at the romantic and genuine gesture knowing it was part apology for his earlier teasing but mostly a spontaneous sign of adoration and intimacy. She blushed slightly and she leant in to press a kiss to his jaw, nuzzling her nose against his cheek briefly. He was facing away from her and towards the sink as their hands slipped apart from the distance that grew as she moved out of the kitchen. She half listened to his conversation as she turned off what she now knew to be a baseball game and tidied the magazines and papers on the coffee table. She flopped back onto the sofa, sighing appreciatively as her back gratefully moulded into the spongy green wall.

"I have, yes. I'll send them in via email today" she heard him say, his voice slightly muffled from the distance they shared. She closed her eyes as he continued to talk

"Yes can you tell him sorry about that?" he said with a slight cough "I haven't been feeling well recently... Mmhmm... Yes..." He said as he moved through the living room towards her "Yes that was why I wasn't in yesterday... yes. Mmhmm. I'm very sorry, yes... Uh Agent Bristow?" he said as he sat down beside Syd, sliding his body down behind hers. "No, I haven't seen her today." He grabbed her waist with soft hands giving her her cue to swivel her legs up onto the couch and indicating for her to lie down with him. She contentedly complied. "Yeah" he coughed "I think she may have come down with it too." He lied as she placed herself along side him "Yes." He affirmed wrapping his arms around her stomach and innately swiping his thumb twice against her skin. "Ok I will." Vaughn pressed a silent kiss to her neck "Yes I'll be in tomorrow. I think we both will- I'll call her later and let her know." She lay her head back into his firm chest, feeling his little white lies reverberate against her. She closed her eyes. "Mmhmm" he half whispered with a tiny nod as he brushed her fringe from her eyes with the back of his fingers, the tips redefining the journey several seconds later just because they could. "Yes I'll tell her," he said watching her smile at their beautiful deceit. "Ok. Thanks Nancy. Tell Dixon we're sorry and that we will be in tomorrow. Thank you. I will...bye."

She felt him turn off his phone in slight annoyance and toss it on the nearby coffee table with a clunk. "Was that work?" she quipped in fake ignorance and pressed naivety.

"Mmhmm" he answered. She smiled and nuzzled her head into him slightly as he pressed a kiss to her crown, the soft strands of her hair tickling his tender lips. "Did I ever tell you I liked your haircut?" he asked looking down at her from his spooned position. He once again brushed the glossy bangs from her forehead, his fingers toying with the gentle and shiny texture. He felt her shake her head uncertainly. "Well I do." He whispered. "I'm sorry I never told you." He pressed a chaste kiss to her neck "I'm sorry I never told you a lot of things," he said in a half whisper, once against pressing a kiss to her head.

"Its okay" she replied "It wasn't your place to tell me... you couldn't even if you wanted to" he knew regardless of her gentle tone she wasn't berating him, and it gave them the perfect opportunity to have the conversation they needed though didn't necessarily want.

"Plus you're a boy so I didn't hold your apparent inobservance with a grudge" he laughed gently, watching her close her eyes for a second. They sobered quickly, their happier expression falling

"I'm sorry Sydney"

"Don't ever be sorry." She said without hesitation and a small shake of her head. "Don't ever be sorry." she repeated in a fierce whisper "Not now- we've come too far for sorrys now." There was a small pause "Don't ever be sorry for her"

His arms tightened slightly around her as he placed another kiss to her; she pressed herself into further him in an uncorrupted and chaste need for comfort and reassurance. And so it began.

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Guys, I am so sorry I left you for so long. I feel terrible for my neglect and I will update soon I promise; please forgive me. Please review if you can- Much love and many thanks as always, Danielle xxx 


	24. Truth Be Told

Chapter 24: Truth be Told 

"Michael" she whispered after a few short seconds

"Mmm?" he simply hummed quietly into her hair, his lips pressed against her as if in a subconscious fear of his own not yet spoken words.

"Promise me something"

"Anything" he replied in a gentle voice

"If we do this, we can't fight- not again."

"Syd you know I can't promise that. It's never been an issue of premeditation between us- trying to control what we have is like trying to control a storm- it's too strong and too wild. It runs too deep."

"Then promise me you'll try," she said, swallowing the marble in her throat

"I will. For you."

She nodded against him, not sure where to begin. There was a comfortable but strained silence as she felt the rise and fall of his chest slowly lift her body in a mimicked pattern. Their breathing had fallen into a copied rhythm and she felt her heartbeat quicken at the anticipation of an answer to a question she had needed to hear for a year.

"What was she like?" she asked suddenly, the light yet exasperated tone of her query catching them both off guard. She felt his chest freeze momentarily as his breath caught, and once again their exhalations fell out of sync. They were no longer in tune.

How should he answer that? It would be so easy to give the obvious answer, to make some sarcastic comment and take the easy way out- to use humour in place of truth, sincerity and honour. But he knew she needed to hear him describe the woman he had let replace her; _he _needed to hear it.

"She was...nice" he said finally, his tone honest. He felt her tense at the response she was expecting although didn't particularly want. What she felt towards Lauren needed to go beyond hate. She needed to know the woman behind the traitor to gain closure. "She was kind... intelligent... funny. At least she pretended to be." He said in a small laugh he felt almost obligated to produce. "She had these quirks," he said with a tiny smile

"What were they?" Sydney asked in a small yet painfully curious voice

"I don't know..." he replied quickly and shyly "She would do this thing where- she always had a Jack Daniels and a newspaper waiting for me when I came home from work; it was this joke we had. And on a Wednesday we always had to go out for dinner regardless of how we were feeling..."

"Vaughn" she interrupted in a whisper, pained at the sound of his recollections and his fond and tranquil tone. This was harder than she anticipated. "I'm not sure I can do this," she whispered more to herself than to him, recoiling from him

"Wait, there's more," he told her, gripping her arms as he felt her begin to move away from him. He held her by the wrists, her back held to his torso as he continued in a dark voice which bordered on a whisper "There were other things... like how she would always insist on sleeping on the right side of the bed..."

_That was her side_

"That was my side," she whispered without thinking, her head turning a fraction towards him

"I know" he hushed back knowingly in equal volume, letting his head affirm his words in a small nod he knew she could feel but not see.

"Whenever she watched hockey with me she always perked up in half time- she told me the 'little metal thing' had always been her favourite part of the game"

_Zamboni was her favourite part_. She didn't need to voice her thoughts that time

His voice was deathly quiet now "She always tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous" he let his grip loosen on her wrists. When he felt no movement, he removed his hands completely, wrapping one against her abdomen and letting the other fall to the seat of the couch beside her.

"You think she did it on purpose?" she hushed conspiratorially

"I know she did," he confirmed softly. "I only remembered after she died. I used to think she was so different to anyone I had ever met before- its what drew me to her. She was so different to you. That's partly why I liked her. I didn't like her for who she was, but almost for who she wasn't. Does that make sense?" he asked quietly, insecurity hiding in between his words. She simply nodded silently against him, filling him with a modest strength.

"She wasn't strong like you- you could handle your own, but I liked that sometimes you needed me. Lauren was dependant on others- she exuded this honourable neediness. I needed someone to look after- to fill that space that you had created. I always felt I could be there for you if you needed me to be, that my protectiveness towards you was beyond obligation or habit. I always knew that. You needed me as much as I needed you. But it was in a way that wasn't desperate. It was like you chose me." he smiled

"Lauren," he continued "projected this image of vulnerability that she knew would appeal to my masculine pride and my inner handler, but most importantly to the man I had become because of you. She knew I needed someone to cherish and devote myself to- to look after. The quirks she displayed were subtle, clever. She realised I would never question her, tell her _'Hey, can you not do that anymore? My dead girlfriend used to do that'_" his voice was mocking and full of self-loathing. She squeezed her eyes shut momentarily at the hate she heard and pulled his discarded left arm up from the couch, tightening both around her body.

"You were in love with her weren't you?" she asked quietly. A small second elapsed before his inevitable and agonising answer.

"Yes" Vaughn whispered inaudibly with another tiny nod. She herself nodded in acceptance, feeling a lone sob shudder through her chest. "I tried telling myself that I loved her but wasn't in love with her, but I knew I was. It just happened." He whispered with an exasperated and disbelieving shrug of the shoulder. His head shook ever so slightly in incredulity "I didn't want to fall in love with her, but I just did. It wasn't a kind of romantic personal objection either like it was with you- we _couldn't _fall in love but we did. I didn't want to fall in love with Lauren because I didn't want _her_, plus I just couldn't face falling for someone else so soon after you. I'd like to blame it on my grief and on my loneliness and the way she copied you in subtle ways. I liked to think it was due to the ways she used and manipulated me but it was more than that. I grew to love her. First there was respect, and then friendship, and finally, love. I didn't feel the same attraction I had towards you. I never did. That, you have to understand," he whispered fiercely, shaking her body once in an urge for her to reply

"I understand" she hushed. She silently battled with the nasty sting of her eyes, refusing to let the heavy and watery weights fall from her eyelashes.

"What we have" he shook his head as if in awe "It only happens once." She smiled softly as she rested her head against his chest. "I was never a believer in fate or-or soul mates or whatever, but I knew whatever you want to call it, you were mine." Her forehead creased and her eyes closed in bittersweet anguish, his declaration and the tragedy of their love digging into each other in a passionate and seductive tryst. The pressure of her eyelids squeezing together caused that one stubborn tear to fall mercilessly onto her cheek and he enhaled a shaky breath. "And you were gone" he whispered in devastation a few pensive seconds later

"Every time I looked at you, my heart would do this thing-" he smiled "It thumped so loudly in my chest I could _swear _that you _must _have been able to hear it. I would not be able to concentrate on what I was saying and I would suddenly realise" he laughed, his voice animated with the recollection of his naïve giddiness "that I had had an entire conversation with you without even realising. I could never sleep when you were on operations." he told her "Or when I knew you were hurt." he added "Or when I knew you were home." His voice got progressively quieter "Or when I knew you were alone." He smiled with a hint of extreme sadness in his eyes "Or when I knew you were perfectly fine and happy, not giving a single thought to me or the miserable life I was leading without you"

"I was so in love with you" she said with a fond smile and a melancholy and incredulous shake of the head. "All those things you described- I felt them every time I thought of you. I still feel them."

"Me too" he whispered, brushing her stubborn bangs with the back of his fingers "It seems strange there was a time when I was just your handler- when I wasn't allowed to touch you" he picked up her hand, placing a soft kiss to her knuckles "or kiss you whenever I wanted. There was a time when we were just co-workers and the only thing we shared were stolen glances"

"There were two times like that" And with that they were reminded. There were two periods where their love had to remain unvoiced and restrained, where touches were subtle and treasured and guilt and fear eclipsed their suffocating need to be together.

Vaughn shook his head; he wasn't ready to go back yet. He needed to stay in the memory of a fresh love and beautiful purity before returning the tangled mess they had lived in for an entire year.

"I would have moved Heaven and Earth to keep you safe- I still would. I knew you were unique as soon as we met and I fell for you hard and fast. Being around you actually made me dizzy." he chuckled "Every time I was with you I felt pure elation and extreme fear all at the same time and I hated that I couldn't know every inch of you- every morsel of information you had to offer. When I was with you I was a different man- a better man. I loved you with every possible fibre of my being and when you were ripped from me, every cell screamed for you" his voice shook slightly as he continued. "The grief Sydney..." tears formed in the small ducts in the corner of his eyes "how did you live with such agony after Danny?" he breathed "You can't see, you can't feel. You forget they're gone and you go to call them or to kiss them but something clicks. Its like" he paused for a minute second as he processed what he was trying to say "the _only _thought or feeling or sensation you have is of utter isolation and you realise" he said "they aren't there after all- the love of your life and you as an embodiment of another person have been cut away away from you.

"All you see when you look in the mirror is the scar from where they were taken and the imprint of the person you could have been. Everything was a copy of a copy of a copy- nothing was in focus." He paused for a moment "Just you." He shrugged in pained disbelief "out of all the images that have tortured me, it was you that frightened me the most." he whispered "There were parts of you I couldn't remember. I had no photos of you- nothing tangible to remind me what you looked like- I couldn't smell your perfume on my clothes, I couldn't taste you anymore. I couldn't remember what you felt like and there were dark patches in your face that I couldn't recall. Slowly, piece by piece they were replaced, but by someone completely different"

"Lauren"

"Lauren" he affirmed quietly "But this time, there was no palpitating heart, no fizzling of nerves when we touched. My breathing didn't quicken when I saw her, I didn't smile every single time I thought of her. Sometimes I was truly caught off guard by the way I felt towards her. I mean I _swore _I would never love again and occasionally" he explained "it overwhelmed me how quickly I had fallen for someone new. Albeit a somewhat less than exciting someone new.

"With Lauren, everything was safe. _I _was safe. I walked my dog every morning, I took my wife out to dinner every week, I had a 9 to 5 job, I hung out with friends every Tuesday. My life was a routine... boring. There was no adrenaline, no surprises. I missed the life I had with you every day. I missed _you _everyday." She bit her lip, the urge to yell or cry out overpowering her.

"But the thing is Sydney," he spoke, his tone shifting slightly "I know me saying this isn't going to quench the cold fire you feel burning in you right now" he said, his voice dark and knowing "I know, regardless of what I tell you, there are things you still hate me for." She remained silent and still, not wanting to give any indication that he was once again right. "Why won't you tell me?" he asked quietly "Why do you lie here and let me go on- make me promise we won't fight when I know you're itching to lose control." His voice dropped to a whisper as he pressed his mouth to her ear. "Why won't you tell me how I hurt you?"

* * *

Guys I am so so so SO sorry about my MIAness... this may sound like I'm just hurling excuses but I have two jobs at the moment so life is a little crazy at the moment. Thank you for sticking with me and please don't give up on me or this fic- I'll never leave it I swear. I hope you enjoyed the update and thank you to those that pursue the status of RTF and remind me to update... you know who you are- thank you.

Love always and a million thanks, Danielle xxx


	25. Revelations

This is the second time I have written this (grumbles) Stupid internet.

Guys. I am SO sorry for the delay. Thank you for your patience and to those who are still here and reading and to those lovely people who review even more for updates: thank you so _so_ much. It really does work and encourages me greatly so thank you so so much (huggle)

**IMPORTANT NOTE:** I'm changing a few things. Firstly my pen name so watch out for that nugget. I am also switching the rating of this fic back to pg-13 just to let you know :P

Also, for future reference I also archive this on SD-1. They are updated in tandem so don't worry: if I update here there will be updated too but I have a few more fics which you might like to check out if you have nothing to do.

I wish I could thank you all personally with giant bear hugs and specially wrapped Vaughn kisses but I can't... so for now all I can do is thank you from the bottom of my heart- Danielle xxx

* * *

Chapter 25: Revelations 

"Michael-" she warned with a shaking voice as she commanded her body to jerk free from him and his demand. _Lose control?_ She wasn't sure she could anymore. She though she had happily swallowed all her emotions, that as they were together now her feelings from the yesterday she longed to forget had died deep within a while ago. But she knew they were there; lying, waiting. He was the trigger that would let the bullet fly and if his heart were his desired target, so be it. She was only in control of repressing her feelings, not what would occur or be said if she let them breathe from their months-long suffocation.

"Not until you tell me-"

"You promised-"

"I said I'd try- tell me Sydney. You've compartmentalised and compartmentalised and compartmentalised." He said his voice getting softer as he went on "but you have never shouted and screamed at me- you've never hurt me. You need to lose control." He whispered

"And is that what you want?" she asked "For me to let loose -hurt you?" she asked desperately, incredulousness staining her voice with its purple bruise

"If that's what you need"

"No what I need is for you to drop this" she laughed angrily standing suddenly and turning to face him

"The only person who knows you better in this world than I do is you and we both know what's in the back of your mind." He said sliding his body up and sitting on the edge of the couch, leaning forwards and clasping his hands, his forearms resting on his knees. "We can't move past last year until this happens. You have to" he inhaled deeply and shook his head as he tried to think of the right words "to vent. Too much has been lost to our obstinacy and plain refusal to acknowledge our own feelings Sydney. Look at everything you have faced and come through to get to this moment." He soothed in a gentle voice, his eyes still imploring and strong "You not getting all this out is a sure road to self-destruction. We can't start again on top of all this resentment and darkness" he concluded watching her brow knit as she cocked her head and looked at him with indiscernible emotions. He felt adrenaline course through him and his heart was striking so quickly he felt his body unwillingly jerk a few times. He never let on to his hidden inner-torrent; the fear and desperation he felt sizzling in his mind making him swallow and shudder in a breath as he waited for her to start the sentence he could see forming on her tongue.

"I don't want to hurt you," She whispered. Upset was something she couldn't face; the inevitable terror of doing so was evident in the gentle fierceness of her voice.

"I think its only fair" he breathed as he slowly stood to face her, recalling everything with difficulty; the promises, the looks, the touches, the kisses, embedded declarations, Lauren, lies, betrayal, marriage, deception, infidelity, lust, coldness, grief, guilt, jealousy, pain, hate, forgiveness, absolution, bitterness, countless mixed signals. Love. He deserved to be on the receiving end this time. The inflicted should have the right to become the perpetrator. It seemed just.

She simply nodded sorrowfully, looking down and pursing her lips as her brow creased desperately again. She simply gave one more unperceivable nod before defiantly raising her head and looking at him with a deep and serious glance from where she stood directly opposite him and in conflict. This was it. This was going to be everything.

"You know" she breathed, her tone colloquial but sad "it wasn't that you had moved on and had become involved with someone else, I mean for all I knew we could have broken up and- and that could have happened anyway" she shrugged with silent difficulty. "It was that you'd moved on enough to get _married_, that you'd forgotten me _so _fantastically. Losing someone you love like that, it does something to you you know, and I thought maybe it was just because you had needed someone to fill that gap so you didn't feel that desperation and loneliness that could sometimes be so so suffocating.

"But then I saw you together. I saw the-" she frowned and shook her head "the tenderness and the laughter and whispers that you had once reserved only for me- or rather what I had only ever seen to be only for me-" she added "and I just knew that was it. That was the real deal. You loved her." she said in a pained matter-of fact manner that broke her all over again as she re-lived her first moment of realisation with him "That was when I started to think maybe what we had really wasn't that extraordinary after all, or if it was you were hollow and devoid of any possible emotion." she said slowly and with a quiet ferocity that made his spine shiver once with acceptance and sorrow. "I mean I liked to think that we were pretty serious you know?" she said gesturing with a quick flash of her palm to the ceiling.

"I know," he breathed back gently to her rhetoric

"That what we had was pretty God damn special, because when it came to my experience- when I lost Danny- a man I loved so _so _much but _no where near_ as much as I had you" she admitted painfully as great guilt stung her flesh, "even when I was with you I missed him enough to make me feel some sort of remorse and shame for loving someone else." She explained silently imploring and asking him if he had felt that too. "Before SD-6 fell and we could be together, it wasn't just protocol that was keeping me back, it was him. There is no way what we shared comes close to what you and I do now and I feel terrible for saying that Michael" she broke "but it's the truth," she explained with a trembling voice and bright and shining eyes "and so to come back from living a life I had no recollection of- to see you _married _Vaughn. I mean-" she cried "we had only just started _dating _when I was taken, we were only just a couple Vaughn and we'd been close for_ two years _prior to that; I'd loved you so long before we were together. But you and Lauren had been married for nearly a year! _Married_" she repeated with an emphatic frown. She started to pace, placing her palms momentarily on her temples as her fingers embedded themselves in her hair

"You made me believe I was your past and your present and I was going to be the only thing in your future." she said, her voice becoming harder throught upset as the volume sloly and subtly grew "But when I came back, you made it seem like a fling- a bit of fun. And then at night when I was alone in this house, I would think back and I would think 'Huh. Maybe it _was _just a bit of fun. Perhaps it meant nothing after all.'" She said with a tiny and swallowed laugh as the pain whipped her with small fibres. Every part of her felt it.

"You cheapened us." She said frowning and furious, her quietness unnerving him "And you cheapened me. I mean our relationship _was _fun Vaughn and I liked to believe it was profound too- I mean we flirted and we teased each other- maybe it just wasn't as serious as I had made it out to be in my head. Maybe it was only in retrospect that it became something special- perhaps those incredible things we shared every day didn't happen- I just created them through loneliness and desperation and self-pity.

"But then you would tease me with these words- these things you would tell me- things that you had no right to say- 'there's only one person in my life Sydney' 'Lauren and I are separating Sydney'. You deceived me- lead me on to qualm your guilt and make you feel better." She said her voice shaking and husky "I never ever thought of you as a selfish person, if anything I would have said that you were selfless to the point of carelessness, but when I was returned to you and you came to me in Hong Kong, I had to revaluate every moment-_every _gesture and declaration, because from then on, to me you were the most selfish, uncompassionate, self-pitying _misleading _" she quaked "man I had the misfortune of meeting. You made me reconsider every beautiful thing we shared and I hated you for that." She yelled carefully. A sigh the strength of a laugh but far more melancholy escaped her as she evaluated the moment.

"You'd offer me things you had no right to- that cup of coffee we never had, your shoulder to cry on. You called us friends- told me that I could still trust you. But it was all different Vaughn. Everything was screwed up and not just us. I mean for Christ sake's Michael! I needed you and not my boyfriend, but that sweet, gentle, funny, caring man from the warehouse who would _always _listen to me, who I could call day or night. The guy who was the _only _person in the world that I could speak to. I didn't need you last year as a lover Vaughn, I needed you as a friend. I needed you as you." she cried softly

There was a pause as she gathered her thoughts from where the had thrown them haphazardly in her mind. She paced once more, back and forth once before turning to face him. His body stance was neutral, his expression open and honest and she vaguely noted him swallow once.

"Francie and Will." She whispered to herself, shaking her head as her voice cracked with grief and unrestrained sorrow. How she missed them "I- God I mean _Will_, Vaughn. His life is so screwed up -because of _me_- and I go and see him thinking there was a single person who actually cherished my existence except my father and maybe Eric. I go to him and" she laughed "all I speak of is you." she said softly in recollection "And he sees my heartache and my loneliness and my desperation- all of which you have caused- and he knows what it feels like, to be deprived of everything and everyone you love, to know they are alive and happy but to also know you cannot touch them, you cannot talk to them, you cannot be around them and even if you are its not the same, the dynamics have changed everything is wrong." She explained frowning, her physicalisations and tone frustrated as her angular movements became more desperate.

"But the people _are _the same." she whispered shaking her head "Their eyes are colder and their words aren't as soft and genuine as before but it's still them but you wish it wasn't Vaughn. You catch yourself wishing you didn't know them- that you had never met them because the version you see everyday mars and defiles that idyllic image you had of them. It poisons your feelings and you wish that you hadn't come back not because of what you've lost, but what you've gained and learnt from knowing them in that way in that time and in that circumstance.

"Will... _God_. Will was the only Damn person who understood, who knew _exactly _what it was like. And then to hear of your envy in Korea- _envy _Vaughn! You were _jealous _that I had slept with him- a man who didn't abandon me who didn't give empty promises. How dare you feel that way- you had know right Vaughn! You had renounced any connection to me- cut me loose from you and your life- you were married to a woman who I had to sit next to- to work with everyday- see you kissing and hushing words to, to see you -you holding and joking with. And you think you have the right to express jealousy over me and Will?" she laughed in incredulity

"And yet what really got to me, what really hurt was that night, every second, every kiss, all I could think of and all I could feel was you. And he knew that!" she cried" her brow furrowing "He saw that." she said nodded, her voice tender "That night was devastating because I realised." She breathed her emotions violating her voice into a whisper "I realised that _whatever _I said and _however _much I wanted it- however cruel you were to me- I would never be able move on. You had scarred me in the way only you could. Even if you didn't want me I would always be yours. You made me and then you ruined me.

"I love you Michael" she said with a soft desperate voice, stepping towards him, her palms up facing and open "I do, I really do. And I'm not going to...I _can't _say I forgive you"

He nodded slightly and lowered his head, the chambers of his heart seeming as if they were going to implode through the overload of adrenaline and emotion that thumped in his chest like a hammer.

"Because ...I'm not overly sure there _is _anything I need to forgive you for" she breathed in a loving twist. Michael raised his eyes to her shockingly soft ones seeing a tiny smile tickle her lips. "Vaughn" she sighed. "I was dead," she said in a voice as gentle as their twilight caresses, "You moved on" she said feeling something sting her pupils as acceptance and closure swirled within her "I'm not sure- although I'd like to think otherwise- that I wouldn't have done the same. And while it hurt" she said her voice cracking. Oh how it had hurt. "I was gone. I had left you just as you in turn had left me" she said as her voice rose momentarily, a result of her swallowing the emotion in her throat. "You are a good man" she shrugged. "You are a gentle, caring, strong, funny, inelegant, _giving _man and I believe that every time you hurt me over the past year... I _know_" she nodded in correction, "I know, that you were only trying to do the right, the honourable and kind thing. And I love you for that. Forgiving you would throw me in the wrong... because..." she swallowed and bit her lip "forgiving someone for loving is like forgiving them for living.

"This cruel hand we have been dealt with...in some ways... has been a blessing. Because now" she said her soul gaping and stinging in the air. "I _know _you are the only person I need to carry on. When I'm with you" she said a shining and proud glimmer of emotion plummeting from her eyelashes "I don't need air, I don't need anything." she smiled through a watery shrug "I never believed in soulmates- in trusting someone else with you existence, with knowing that without that one person you would have and be nothing. You are my other half and light and I love you and _will _love you with my dying breath and on" she smiled through her emotional factuality as another silver tear plunged and warmed her jaw "and on" she whispered "and on" she breathed.

"Last year" she shrugged briefly looking up at the ceiling as she tried to calm the ferocious sting of her eyes, shaking her head "was meant to be. I'm not sure I would feel the appreciation, understanding and _need _to be with you without it. What I feel is infinite and I'm not sure me being without you" her voice broke "this long _long _year hasn't been what has helped me realise that." She quickly swiped the back of her palm against her skin, feeling tears catch there. "You're all I need to get by." She shrugged. Watching something clear and small and wet plummet from his eyes silently. "And you're all I want to get by with" she cried "and I want to get by Vaughn." she sobbed "I want _you_" she breathed, hot emotion stinging every cell of her "I want life. I want _our _life. I want _us_."

"You have us" he softly cried, quickly moving towards her "You've always had us" he pacified with a small inaudible sob as they pulled each other into a arduous and devastated kiss. She squeezed her eyes closed further, the emotion of the moment burning her soul with its fiery tendrils. First degree. His lips brushed hers as they moved, his warm velvet tongue soothing her very essence. Second degree. He felt his heart weep at her declarations, his fingers digging into her gently as he coiled his arm around her waist, pressing their bodies together. Third degree. He felt his brow furrow and more tears descend. Love, passion, adoration, desperation, grief, forgiveness, remorse, tenderness, affection, kindness, compassion, warmth; it surged through them like electricity, their desperation for each other the strongest conductant ever forged. Deeper it surged, snaking down and down into their very cores, scorching their bones and scarring their spirits with gentle colours.

This was them. This was everything. This was the now.

This was the beginning.


	26. Another Note from the author

This website apparently hates me... the latest chapter(chapter25)is back a step and is titled **Revelations**

I updated yesterday but no one saw it as it was a replacement for the last authors note rather than an update... D'oh!

Cheers, Danielle x


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